Hump Day Feast

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Shoutout to Rancho Grande Taqueria in Pleasanton for the Cinco de Mayo feast-for-one, and for the Groupon deal that nabbed me $30 worth of food for half-off. Of course, I spent more than $30, but if you saw their menu you’d understand! If you’re wondering what’s about to fatten my ass today, I gots me the following: Torta Sammich with Al Pastor filling (top left), freshly-made chips (middle in bag), Carne Asada plate with the works and some tortilla wraps (right), and (bottom left) CHURROS!!! No, I will not eat all of this in one sitting (I will be having the Torta in a few minutes, though), and, hell naw I am not having my churros with salsa verde. Because, like St. Patrick’s Day, the best way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo is through food (and drinking) and not learning shit about its history, right?

Bun Bun!

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While I was enjoying myself in San Jose yesterday, a moment full of “awwww’s” took place at Oracle Park. It wasn’t just the Giants winning the game, it was that adorable bunny making its presence in the stands that night. (Who also made all the human attendees jelly with its warm, thick fur. I’ve attended night games there before, so I know how cold AF it gets.) Alex the Rabbit was not just there to be known as the first bunny to attend a Giants home game, it’s also a therapy bunny for its owner (who’s holding Alex in the pic). No snark–it was truly a hoppy moment!

Pic courtesy of ESPN

Serve Face, Spongebob Style!

Leave it to Wet-N-Wild Beauty (makers of my favorite contour palette) to take me away from the dreary news of today and deliver a palette cleanser of a collab that sings to the Bikini Bottom resident in me: Spongebob Squarepants-themed makeup! Yes, something like this has been done before, but maybe it’s fitting that a brand called “Wet-N-Wild” nail the collab. ‘Cause, you know, “wet” being the environment Spongebob lives in, and “wild” being Spongebob and his boating skills. (I know–I’m putting too much into this.) Finally, those Spongebob-themed Makeup Erasers have met their match! And I never knew I wanted a Spongebob glow-up and Squidward’s resting bitch face blending my makeup until now.

But wait! Where is the Coral Blue #2 semi gloss lipstick?! (Why are there no lippies here, by the way?) And a blush called Sandy Cheeks? Missed opportunities there, Wet-N-Wild.

Just Bask In All The Glam

Happy 20th anniversary to this fantabulous masterpiece that was released in the spring of 2001. Sheeit, I remember the uproar from some of the pearl-clutchers back then who thought the video was too raunchy. Oh, if those prudes saw the gimcrackery you see and hear from, um, music these days. Meanwhile, teen me spent many afternoons on her own trying to nail down Xtina’s part, but all I did was startle my cat (RIP Snowball) and attack nearby eardrums when I attempted to do so. I was better off doing Missy’s part instead–all three seconds of it.

Also, look–no mumbling, no twerking, no mopey faces or overinflated asses! Just a fun and well-crafted pop song (yes, I’m aware it’s a remake) with confident women hitting all the right notes, and a memorable video to go with it. Now that’s how pop music should be done.

And Now For Some Sweet Shade

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That panty creamer above is NHL hockey superstar Sidney Crosby, whose hotness alone has caused my basement to be flooded many times since I first knew of him 12 years ago. Yeah, he’s also good at the stick-and-puck thing, but I never knew he could be a little shady. Some lesser in the hockey world had the nerve to drag him recently, and a reporter for the Penguins (Sid’s team) picked up this quote from Sid himself who addressed the beef:

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Sid had the opportunity to go full-on Mariah or the Patrick Roy way on that guy, but he’s not really known for being a shady ho. A scoring ho, yes. Nonetheless, it gets a solid 4 out of 5 on the Shade Scale. Tell it, Sidney! *snaps fingers*

A Gorgeous And Poetic Start

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No April Fools joke–that April 2021 cover of UK Vogue is giving me LIFE. (There are three other covers for their April issue, all of them equally vibrant.) That’s the magic of Meisel, who shot the covers and is giving me 1960s-era Avedon vibes with the image. Also, OMG a smiling woman with life in her eyes on the cover! Bored faces and drowsy eyes be damned! Why US Vogue isn’t fashun as their UK sister is not a mystery: that out-of-touch fossil Anna Wintour is still its cryptkeeper-in-chief. 

It’s also the start of the baseball season and National Poetry Month. I’d post a baseball poem, but they all bored me and these lines from the OG Queen of Quip Dorothy Parker was hard to pass up. 

That’s right! 

 

My Butterfly Rainbow Hello Kitty Chanteuse!

I needed some eye balm after reading up on Jessica Walter and Beverly Cleary leaving this increasingly-cruel world for heavenly pastures, thus the header pic of today’s birthday queen Mariah Carey. You can say it’s an old pic of her, but you’d be wrong! That’s her, present-day, without a single bit of plastic surgery and photoshop on her. She doesn’t do any of that, sillys! 

It’s also the weekend (also known as two more work days for me), so enjoy some semi-underrated Mimi songs. I know I will! 

 

By the way, if I ever ditch my red hair, it will be for that fabulous shade of light golden brown-blonde like Mimi’s in that Roof video. That hair color is so late 90s, so of course the 90s slut in me adores it. 

Header pic courtesy of dlisted

My Kind Of Eye Bleach

After straining my eyes from digging up all those links in my last rant, looking at my bank account to see if I got my stimulus payment (which I did not), and seeing more posts on despicable violence against Asians (just…why?) and another mention of my state governor being “recalled” (it’s not gonna happen, idiots), I need eye bleach. Some turn to adorable animals, but I’m feeling for vintage HIGH GLAMOUR. Enter the work of Mario Casilli!

It’s currently a cool 61 degrees where I live, and these images alone have me fanning myself. I LIVE for that campy 80s glamour, and Casilli captured it brilliantly.

All pics courtesy of this site that will bombard you with captures of vintage fabulousness. 

Rainbows and Dollahs

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I got my second Covid shot yesterday, and while I don’t feel sick, I’m stricken with a sore arm, lethargy, and a slight case of brain fog (yes, I have a brain). How I have the energy to write all this up is kind of a miracle, in a way. It feels like I’m on the rag, but without the blood and erratic mood swings. The dreary, cold & wet weather we had earlier today didn’t help causes, but when things started to clear up, I did get this purdy rainbow sighting from my apartment!

Also in today’s news, I received a $150 gift card from this market research study I did last week. I’m rich again, biatches!