Bless The Child

In actual unexpected news, supermodel/superbeeyotch Naomi Campbell just had a baby (!), and forget about who the baby daddy could be or that she still has working ovums given her age and all the drugs she’s done over the years. I’m just bummed that she didn’t invite me to her baby shower so I could’ve given her this for her newborn:

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Baby’s first toy! I would’ve also gifted her a doll dressed as a personal assistant for target practice.

Swoooooon

Just when this year be cunting (I know it’s not a word but roll with it) hard for the umpteenth time by revealing how much the supposed “Internet’s Boyfriend” enjoys wearing face masks in public (re: not at all), here comes a midriff-baring Venus from the heavens to save the day and salvage the year! Yes, it’s ubermodel/former spouse to an emu/my future wife Irina Shayk struttin’ her stuff in New York, showing the no-mask wearing lessers that you can flaunt hotness and safety. See, Keanu? It’s not that hard!

Look at my lady’s style–the face is in 2020 and the rest is in 1991. Needs some hoop earrings, a large print of Color Me Badd on the shirt, and a Motorola Micro-TAC to replace the hell phone in her hand to complete the throwback, but I still approve (duh)! If there was a Miss Quarantine Universe pageant, Irina would easily snatch the crown with this pic, hands down.

(Update 9/8/20: and yes, this was originally part of the previous post. But after re-reading it–almost two months after I posted it, I know–who was I to lump a masked goddess with that no-mask wearer in one post? Shame on me!)

A Goddess For Your Saturday

I will always adore the eternal goddess known as Iman!! Along with being one of my favorite models who served face, figure, and fashion, I still consider her and Bowie to be my all-time favorite celebrity couple. They had it all: love, beauty, appeal, style…I’ve yet to see a couple from today that comes close to them.

Happy birthday to a true beauty today! (July 25, 1955)

(ETA: and once again, my ass forgot to switch the status from Private to Public.)

Happy Monday

I know–I have not done a Happy Monday in weeks. It will happen again.

Anyhoo, with all the ugly and awful going on in the world today, we could all use a little glamour in these try–well I’m sure you know the damn saying already. Leave it to Pat McGrath Labs’ latest ad campaign for Pat’s latest wallet-breaker to bring it. It’s for a mascara, but never mind that–the ads for it are serving everything for me! Face! Eyes! Hair! Fashion! Androgyny! And most importantly, IRINA!!!!!!!!! I’m getting Versace by Avedon in the 80s vibes from the images, and that is the kind of glamour we need right now! And you know the ads (which will no doubt get some Photoshop Award nominations) are effective because they made me forget what’s being sold in the first place. Expensive eyeshadow that only the one-percenters could afford? Fancy-ass millinery? The blinding beauty of Irina Shayk? It has to be the last option. Even if Liz Hurley’s son’s modeling career doesn’t go far (which would be a first for a product of nepotism), he will still have lived a fulfilling life knowing that he had the Irina all over him at one point. That’s miles better than getting the covers of all editions of GQ and Esquire, if you ask me.

If looks could kill The Rona, this picture alone would eradicate the pandemic in a snap and earn the Nobel Peace Prize and Time magazine’s People of the Year honors.

Here are some of the pics from the ad campaign that look like they came straight out of an editorial from Vogue circa 1983. Along with my future wife, modeling legends Naomi Campbell and Marisa Berenson are also featured. Also, I think I need to look up more of Maty Fall Diba (seen below), because that is the face to cure a sight sore from seeing all those dead-eyed Instagag “models” that get on Vogue these days.

She Don’t Vogue–She Is Vogue

A Happy Birthday today to one of my glamour goddesses, Linda Evangelista! Not only is she an unforgettable face in fashion and beauty, but she was also robbed of a Best Supporting Actress Oscar (not the nomination, but the Oscar itself) for her dazzling performance in Unzipped! Her memorable stare down to the camera was everything.

This is also her reaction when asked if the likes of the Hadid sisters are supermodels. (Or at least it’s mines and many others.)

I shall celebrate in her honor by not getting out of bed for less than $10,000. (So that means I’ll be staying in bed all day today.)

Forever A Stunner!

Paulina Porizkova–one of my all-time favorites in modeling. For you youths, she is who your straight dad or gay mom creamed their panties for when they were youths. The Hadid sisters and Cindy Crawford’s daughter get the shine these days (why though?), but they cannot hold a candle to Miss Porizkova! (Hell, a candle would out-pose those nepotism tricks.) Can they can give hair, face, and body-ody-ody like Paulina? Hell naw! She was and still is a gem.

That’s actually Paulina from last year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. She was 53 in that pic. Fifty-three!! I’m almost 20 years younger than her and I (still) can’t go out in a thong bikini without jiggle spillover. (I’m working on it, though!) In a world of cat faces, duck lips, basketball tits, and overinflated asses, it’s also refreshing to see a face and figure that has not been altered by any plastic surgery. (Although I would not fault her if she had a little something done on the face.) And I’ve never heard anything dubious slapped on her name. No diva behavior, drug-induced messiness, airheaded remarks, or spoiled kids (as far as I know), and she stayed married to the same guy for 28 years.

Happy birthday to Paulina today! I hope she gets her deserved share of her late husband’s estate (which is a messy battle, last time I heard).