Brava, Oakland

With the start of the new baseball season comes THE moment we–or at least me, have all been waiting for!!

Like the happy purr of a kitten or the loud thud when Justin Bieber eats floor, the sounds of boos and trash-can banging raining down on a squad of cheaters (who, by the way, still have never been suspended a single game for cheating) is so aurally pleasing.

That final score from that game, tho. (Although I shouldn’t throw stones, given what my team did last night. Ick.)

Happy Monday

That “Bernie Sanders sitting with mittens” meme is getting played out as I type, but this version tickles me! So that’s what got LeBron’s attention in the beginning; he was looking at Benny Sanders!

I’d request for Gritty to get on that meme train while it’s still hot, but he’s more likely to eat his face mask and the mittens (seasoned with hot sauce because this is Gritty we’re talking about here) before continuing to terrorize Penguins fans.

Wang On My Mind

This week’s Hump Day is brought to you by the big schlong of superstar hockey goalie and long-time panty creamer of mine Henrik Lundqvist! Yes, you read that right! And, yes, this news is a few years old (and I discovered that gem after reading this recent post on teh Reddits), but it’s still a lot more interesting and pleasing to the eye than hearing about some smooth-brained celeb throwing a big Thanksgiving party during a damn pandemic.

Sadly, there aren’t any pictures of his hockey stick floating around the webs, but take former teammate Sean Avery’s word for it:

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Yes, I’m aware that Avery can be cray, but if he was honest enough to call his former nemesis Martin Brodeur a “fatso”, he wouldn’t lie about Hank’s wang! (Side note: I’m curious over what the next paragraph reads. Does it go into more detail about his peen?! Now I need to read Sean’s book!) And I’m sure athletes see a lot in locker rooms, and sometimes we’re lucky to get sneak peeks inside! For those who don’t follow hockey or/and sports, first up, you are missing out. And second, this is Henrik…

henrik-lundqvist-sexy (1)henrik with dog

I’ll let you finish cleaning up your genital slobber. Now picture him with a hole-wrecker and me all up on it that would make the peens of Jon Hamm and Idris Elba a little jelly. I’m not a size queen, but that’s an image that hits my five-hole.

Also, TIL that Wang also means “king” in Mandarin Chinese, and Lundqvist’s nickname is “King Henrik”, so the post title works two ways!

About That World Series…

This baseball season was basura anyway, thanks to Covid, the Giants fucking up in the end, and that booger commissioner who thought the Houston Trash Can Bangers did nothing wrong and let all their players play till the end.

I am a little happy for Kershaw and the REAL face of baseball winning a ring, though! I’m also embarrassed by some Giants fans on Reddit right now. How the hell do you explain this shit? Goodness.

That said, let the Doggers and their humble fans be happy for finally killing off those fun 1988 jokes us Giants fans used to taunt them when they flopped badly in the playoffs the past seven seasons. It was a hard-fought season for them, with a shortened schedule, players opting out, and no cross-country traveling. I’m sure their fans are living it up around Chavez Ravine right now and hopefully they’re keeping distance and wearing masks. I know the last time Giants fans won the whole thing, us fans got to party hard with random strangers till the break of dawn without worrying about catching a serious disease because, you know, there was no pandemic at the time. We also had a parade right after and got to see the pretty faces of our champions, including three-time World Series winner and legend Madison Bumgarner, who I’m thankful was never pulled out of that Game 7.

Lest you think I’m gloating over past successes, the Bums will get a parade–just not right now. It’ll happen when Covid leaves. And yay for LA for being Title Town of the Year…but remember who did that before them!

Oh, and manager of the Rays…the best paper bags to hide your head in are at Sprouts.

Update: I prefer winners who don’t act irresponsibly during a pandemic. Geez, Dodgers.

Happy Monday

What do you do when your sports team wins a championship and you want to party with the crowds but also want to stay safe during a global pandemic? Channel your inner Bubble Boy and party on!* 

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Also, congrats to the Lakers! They were the first bouncyball team I got into. I’ll admit: I don’t stan for them anymore like I used to, and I got accustomed to the successes of Bay Area sports during the 2010s that my love for the Lakers over time had, like LeBron’s hairline, receded. But I can definitely light a celebratory blunt (I prefer to get high over drunk) for the purple and gold reaching the mountaintop again. Kobe would be proud. 

*But seriously why the hell do you want to party with a big-ass crowd of strangers during a bloody pandemic just ’cause your team won a championship?! Stop making this state look like Florida west, Laker fans! Stay the fuck home and party with yourself or your friends. 

Tweet came from here (Also, Yahoo’s webpages suuuuuuck.)

Respect

Who gives a shit about the deranged cokeheads at some summit of supreme evil cunts or who Brad Pitt is boning right now. From CBS Sports:

The NBA has announced that all three playoff games Wednesday will be postponed and rescheduled. The decision comes after the Milwaukee Bucks players did not take the court for Game 5 of their first-round series against the Orlando Magic, which was supposed to tip off at 4 p.m. ET. The protest comes in response to the shooting of an unarmed black man named Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin, on Sunday. Shortly after the Bucks made a statement by not playing, the Rockets and Thunder decided to also not play today, as well as the Lakers and Trail Blazers...

And also…

After the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks refused to play their Wednesday afternoon playoff game in protest of a recent shooting by police in Kenosha, Wisconsin, the Brewers have joined them by deciding as a team not to take the field on Wednesday night, per Jared Diamond of the Wall Street Journal. The Brewers had been scheduled to play the Reds at home at 8:10 p.m. ET. Also according to Diamond, the Reds have agreed not to play, which means the Brewers will not be forced to forfeit the game...

Much respect to these teams standing up to the ongoing racial injustice in this country.

Also, the speeches given by Doc Rivers yesterday (yes, he does take off his mask in the vid but this is one of the very few times I’ll allow it!) and Chris Webber today deserve a listen.