I Don’t Forget

The conversation I had with someone who lives in my apartment building, from last June, regarding Covid…

Me (it went something along the lines of): I’m not going back to my regular job until this Covid thing blows over. 

Them: you know, I don’t believe the whole Coronavirus is real. I know God will take care of it and this whole thing will be over soon…

Basically, they were a Bible-thumping Covid denier. Who was reluctant to wear a mask, so that’s three strikes on them. 

Eight months later, my conversation with this same someone…

Me: I also got my 1st shot of the Covid vaccine.

Them: oh, I did, too. I got my second shot recently–

Ya know, if that someone was not one of the property managers of the apartment I’m in, I would’ve gladly brought up that thing they said back in June and really laid it on thick. This someone looks old but not 65+ old. Or maybe they are, I dunno. Even if they changed their views on Covid in those eight months (which looks unlikely since I still see them going maskless), what they said then really warped my views on this person whom I thought was cool. 

Also *RANT ALERT* the pandemic really shined a light in some people. Like a black light to a motel room. I look forward to late March when I’m fully vaccinated and the eventual time when we can live without masks again. (Although I’ll keep mines around during allergy season and when I don’t feel like waxing my ‘stache.) But even when all this blows over, I shall not forget all the fools who thought Covid was a hoax (and double that for the deniers who had the audacity to get the vaccine), all the ingrates who never bothered to wear a mask in public (even the “likeable” celebs–yes, I had to bring this up), all the selfish twunts who partied and took long-distance leisure vacations during the pandemic, and all the “politicians” who blocked any kind of pandemic relief and the dipshits who voted for them. Despicable, the lot of them. 

 

Think Happy Thoughts

I went to work today sleep deprived because the fire alarm in my apartment building went off at a time it should not have gone off (it was way before sunrise when it happened), and I’m surprised I didn’t crash into anything while driving. I think some Adam Driver stan cursed me with that fire alarm after what I said in my last post. Maybe my allegiance to Dame Joan Collins saved me. Today was bleh but it could’ve been worse. I could’ve also been one of those brain-exempt wankstains still holding a bunch of GameStop stock that I bought by taking out a $20K loan so I can stick it to those Wall Street fat cats and achieve my dreams of being the next Elon Muskrat (while ignoring my bank account sinking further and further into negative territory). But I’m not, thank goddess. 

 

 

Can I Eat The Rich Too?

When you’re kind of glad some people on Reddit exposed who the rich greedy fucks of Wall Street favors in their dusty playground (spoiler: rich greedy fucks) and made a hedge fund lose billions all because of GameStop shares, (of all the shares out there), only to realize that you weren’t one of those Redditors because you don’t know shit about the stock market, don’t have the dough to risk such an investment, and that the big earners from all the ongoing hoopla are a few rich dudes (and maybe some women too? I dunno) who had money to burn…

Also, I’m gonna be that bitch and say that it’s really foolish to think that someone who invested thousands of their money in GameStop shares is part of the “poors” who is “sticking it to the establishment”. (Oh, the things you read on Reddit sometimes!) If someone’s got four or five figures to spare to go play in the stock market and isn’t too worried if their investment in GameStop or AMC takes a devastating turn in the market, darling, they ain’t a poor, and that move is not rebelling against the establishment. It’s called just another day of investing. Get back to me when those money-burners find Spam too expensive and they set Tesla’s headquarters on fire.

Edited to add: this opinion piece on Business Insider tells it! And if BI (or any other website) tells you to disable your ad-blocker, Archive.Fo is your friend. Also, that misogynistic “marketing professor” can go wipe his crusty clacker with sandpaper. 

**UPDATE 2/3/21: After seeing the dust settling on this whole GameStop stock nonsense in the past few days, all that talk about Reddit “sticking it” to Wall Street from last week now looks more like media-driven sensationalism. It’s not a “revolution” when only a handful of Redditors (whom I’m guessing are well-versed in the stock market) gained something from the hoopla while supposedly millions of others posted losses (some of which are mind-boggling). And it’s certainly no longer sticking it to Wall Street/the establishment when wealthy investors with nine-figure bank accounts are also buying up GameStop stock. That narrative is dead. 

Unpopular Opinion alert: All those memes and tweets from last week hailing Reddit users as the glorious fighters against the fat cats can now be filed in the “Aged Like Milk” folder. There’s also a subReddit of the same name, but try voicing that fact there or in Leopards Ate My Face right now, and the downvotes and the delusional (who still hold onto their GameStop stock despite losing thousands (!!) from it all) will come. And it’s just plain as fuck pathetic. It’s pathetic because, besides them trying to hide from the truth, how many of those people who bought those stocks had real-life experience in investing and stocks in the first place? Watching YouTube videos don’t count! They got warned by those who knew the stock market but didn’t listen and kept posting “HOLD!” and those annoying-ass rocket and diamond hands emojis. And now those people are crying over being completely cleaned out. Whether they did so to get rich quick or stick it to the establishment, or both, it’s insane to me and, yep, goddamn fucking stupid. Yes, I’m aware some people are hurting financially, but to go the stock market route when they’ve never bought a share in their lives before?! They’re better off playing lottery tickets! I was naive to remotely think that the stupid would die down now that Orange Hitler is out of the White House, but the GameSuck (I’m not correcting this) saga of the past week showed that stupid will be with us for a little lot longer.

I am looking forward to the inevitable South Park parody of all this, however. 

Haha On Yous

I’ve found a new subReddit to take delight in!

Screen Shot 2021-01-08 at 7.19.28 PM

The vile, oxygen thieving terrorists ruined what should’ve been a sweet Hump Day this week by staging Fascistpalooza (that’s what I’m calling it) at the Capitol. But it seems like some wrongs are being righted as we speak thanks to Bye Bye Job! The Uplifting News and Made Me Smile subReddits need to drop their names and come up with new titles, because all the headlines at BBJ actually uplift me and make me smile! On the flip side, now I really gotta watch my ass on this blog. If there’s ever a tool that can detect the real identity behind a blogger name and if posting endless pics of Irina Shayk becomes a crime in the near future, I’m screwed!

Oh, and there’s also Orange Hitler getting permabanned on Blue Bird. While it’s, oh, four years too late and it had to take an attempted coup for them to finally ban his ass, there’s always imagining how pissed off Tiny Hands is right now. I think there’s an artist’s rendition of it somewhere…

(I know there’s one with Chump’s head photoshopped in the GIF, but I’d rather not post his unfortunate mug around here. Name-dropping him is enough for me.)

**UPDATE: 1/13/20: aaaaand I got another subReddit (that particularly focuses on the Fascistpalooza dipshits) to take joy in! Squeeeee!!

Deal Breakers: Revised Edition!

Me sizing up a potential hump mate in 2021 and beyond…

Are you dating anyone right now? Hump Mate: “No”

Are you against all of the following: racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, police brutality, and xenophobia? Hump Mate: “Yeah, of course”

Have you ever partied maskless or/and traveled far and often for your enjoyment during the ongoing pandemic? Hump Mate: *squirms* “Uhhh, umm…” 

Me:

The more fools I see acting the fool during this pandemic, the more likely I’m gonna stay single and fapping until I hit the grave. 

 

Mood Right Now

7440e1a4-7cad-49c6-b7c9-7c75899cd172

My phone broke on me yesterday and I had to make an emergency phone buy, since I need a phone to work. The damage to my “old” phone (it’s only nine months old) is repairable but it will cost me. (It accidentally fell while I was jogging and now the touchscreen doesn’t work. Moral of the story: don’t exercise.) The scramble to fix my phone myself (which didn’t work), getting a new temp phone, and configuring the new phone cost me precious writing/editing time on my day off. 

I also worked today so I was pretty much Santa doing grocery deliveries. Ho Ho Ho. While driving, I passed by a crowd checking out Xmas displays in a neighborhood, and, hoo, the no-mask wearing fools I saw roaming in that crowd. I saw one bungwipe wear his mask like a chinstrap while coughing up his lungs before going into that crowd. Jesus’ tear ducts are officially broken from all the weeping he’s done over some people’s blatant stupidity and selfishness.

Also, a website that used to be a favorite of mine (not Reddit) has lost its snarky touch and keeps giving mentions to bores and no-talent assholes who don’t deserve any more attention. And Aunt Flo’s flight to my airport arrived early. 

Bah Humfuckbug. 

I’m gonna open my presents early and fatten my butt with these to cheer me up. 

Another Late Night Rant

The Good: there’s now a Covid vaccine and it’s free

The Bad: many, many of us gotta wait a while to get it 

The Goddamn, Despicably Fucking Ugly: reading how evil assholes like Rupert Murdoch and Mike Pence get the vaccine before some, if not many, frontline workers are still waiting for theirs. And then there’s this and this story

There’s never been a better time to learn how to make a guillotine. 

 

Not My Kind Of Fantasy

Me when I dick around on Reddit or Tumblr (I know, I know) and I have the misfortune of reading how some fangirls or fanboys or fan-enbys want their faves/crushes to “punch” or “choke” them, or in the case of this Adam Driver post, “step on my throat” (yeesh):

Hey, I too want Adam to do some crazy freaky triple-X things to me, no shame at all, but not that kind of shit!!! And I know I got some interesting fetishes, but I draw the line at someone going Fist Brown on me. What is up with some people wet-dreaming about their faves doing something demented and abusive to them? Even if it’s all consensual, eh…I just cannot wrap my head around it. I guess fantasizing over your faves/crushes for a simple makeout and hearty orifice-ramming is now uncool with the kids these days. Now they want the UFC Special. Blech!

**UPDATE: so I got a message saying that the line from that AD post came from John Oliver’s show and that it was all a gag. Before you bring out the donkey to bray at me, my ass doesn’t have the luxury of subscribing to HBO, nor did I hear about that until just now, so how should I know its context? It also doesn’t explain all those crazies on Tumblr and elsewhere who fantasize about being a “punching bag” to all the members of BTS.

True Dat

true dat

In my case, that trust went out the window and broke into a thousand pieces on the pavement. (It’s a Scorpio thing. If I lose trust in you, I won’t even lend you lint to watch over.) Seriously, this damn pandemic has me re-evaluating everyone, from friends to celebrity favorites (looks at Keanu with much disappointment). The rose-colored glasses have been cracked and the PR machine can cease the weak bandage fluff pieces. Anyone who chose to take the pandemic lightly with their anti-mask, party-throwing, travel-happy ways is someone who shouldn’t be taken seriously from here on out.

Click on tweet for its source