My Ass Is Stuck In The Past

Plenty of people are talking about the Oscars right now, but after watching that cerebral piece of late 90s cinema known as A Night At The Roxbury today, all I want is to go back to 1997, wear shiny fun clothes and frosted lipstick, shove away the douchebags that hit on me, and (badly) dance my ass off to Haddaway and La Bouche in the club. (Sure, I can do all that in my own studio and pretend there’s other club-hoppers around if I eat enough edibles, but I’d rather take the time machine.)

–Your reaction to what I just wrote (and most of my other posts).

Think Happy Thoughts

I went to work today sleep deprived because the fire alarm in my apartment building went off at a time it should not have gone off (it was way before sunrise when it happened), and I’m surprised I didn’t crash into anything while driving. I think some Adam Driver stan cursed me with that fire alarm after what I said in my last post. Maybe my allegiance to Dame Joan Collins saved me. Today was bleh but it could’ve been worse. I could’ve also been one of those brain-exempt wankstains still holding a bunch of GameStop stock that I bought by taking out a $20K loan so I can stick it to those Wall Street fat cats and achieve my dreams of being the next Elon Muskrat (while ignoring my bank account sinking further and further into negative territory). But I’m not, thank goddess. 

 

 

Pour One Out For My Libido

This long-ass wait to get all votes counted (which I support) in this still-ongoing presidential election race has, among other things, inadvertently drove me to participate in No-Nut November. Temporarily, of course. (And yes, I remember what I said four days ago.) I don’t even have the energy to pick up my vibrator or think fap-worthy thoughts right now!

PS: fuck the Electoral College. I said this in 2016, and it just has to be said again this year.

**Update 11/8/20: yaaaassss. I can get off again!!

Mini-Rant of the Day

Ya know, if Major League Baseball had a competent commissioner, cheaters would be banned from the playoffs for a certain amount of years no matter what their regular-season record is. And, as a result, the MLB playoffs would at least be enjoyable to watch. (Even if my team isn’t in it due to some horse poo that happened at the end of their season.)

This mini-rant came from this. *sighs for the A’s*

Heat Waves Suck

Me after work today because of the current bitch-ass heat wave we’re having…

I’m still working the temp delivery job, if you’re wondering. (My spa is still closed.) Lugging heavy bags of groceries from car to doorstep is one thing, but try doing that in 110 degree Fahrenheit weather.

I’ll likely be parking my ass in front of my fridge tomorrow after work. And *checks 7-day forecast like the old I am* the next day, and the next day, and the next day…and I’m not even working those days!

Oh, and I can hear your snickers, Vegas readers.

Mini-Rant of the Day

My Old Millennial ass, who remembers seeing analog/wall clocks as a kid and was taught how to read time the old-fashioned way in the late 80s/early 90s *pops a Werthers*, when I see a headline that reads “Schools Are Removing Analogue Clocks Because Millennials Can’t Read Them”

Two things. 1) Looks like someone forgot about the digital-happy hellions known as Gen Z. And 2) Now I understand why some vouch for my generation to be divided! I don’t want to be lumped with the analog clock-illiterate brats that I have to share my generation with! Although, in fairness, I’m sure there are those around my age that can’t read an analog clock either.