(Mis)Adventures In The Laundromat

****TRIFLING RANT ALERT!!!***

After the last two weeks, I just have one request. Actually, I have many requests, and one of them is: no more bullshit in the apartment laundromat, please!

Last Monday, the app I use to power the machines (our laundromat gets funded by PayRange as well as old-fashioned quarters) went down for over an hour. So I had to use coins, borrowed from my property manager whose office is next to the laundromat because I don’t have any quarters. My wait was longer than expected because I live with some lazy asses who like to leave their clothes in the washer long after the machine is finished. All five washers were “occupied” thanks to these lazy asses. Have some of these buffoons ever heard of a timer? It took one of them to gain a bit of energy to get out of their unit and move their clothes to the dryer, finally giving me a washer to use. Except I needed another washer. I usually use two washers (and dryers) whenever I do laundry. (I wash clothes and bedsheets/towels every week.) I complained to the property manager about the other “occupied” washers, and she ended up taking out clothes from one washer to help me out. (For the record, this happens when one tenant leaves their clothes in a machine for so long.) I can knock out doing my laundry in under a couple hours. That day, after the whole waiting and broken app ordeal, it took over four hours to get all my shit done. 

Then there was today, and, once again, I dealt with the lazy asses leaving their clothes in the machine long after they’ve been washed. And, because of that, all the washing machines were all taken. Again! That laundry app was working this time, but the waiting part still suuuuuuucks. (I also waited for two no-maskers in the laundromat to amscray outta there.) Yes, I’m that bitch who wants to get things done, completing laundry day right away included. I’d love to have a washer & dryer in my unit, and I’m sure seeing the PG&E bill from that will be as appealing as seeing Mom jeans being brought back in “style”. Plus, tiny studio and all. 

So, if the laundromat gods can hear me, I request that next week will be bullshit-free in the laundry! And the next week and the next week, and the next week…Or, better yet, laundromat gods, just give me a cool two million so I can move into my own little home (we’re talking Bay Area real estate here) and have my own washer and dryer and I don’t have to deal with lazy asses or no-mask fools around me. There, problem solved. 

 

 

I Don’t Forget

The conversation I had with someone who lives in my apartment building, from last June, regarding Covid…

Me (it went something along the lines of): I’m not going back to my regular job until this Covid thing blows over. 

Them: you know, I don’t believe the whole Coronavirus is real. I know God will take care of it and this whole thing will be over soon…

Basically, they were a Bible-thumping Covid denier. Who was reluctant to wear a mask, so that’s three strikes on them. 

Eight months later, my conversation with this same someone…

Me: I also got my 1st shot of the Covid vaccine.

Them: oh, I did, too. I got my second shot recently–

Ya know, if that someone was not one of the property managers of the apartment I’m in, I would’ve gladly brought up that thing they said back in June and really laid it on thick. This someone looks old but not 65+ old. Or maybe they are, I dunno. Even if they changed their views on Covid in those eight months (which looks unlikely since I still see them going maskless), what they said then really warped my views on this person whom I thought was cool. 

Also *RANT ALERT* the pandemic really shined a light in some people. Like a black light to a motel room. I look forward to late March when I’m fully vaccinated and the eventual time when we can live without masks again. (Although I’ll keep mines around during allergy season and when I don’t feel like waxing my ‘stache.) But even when all this blows over, I shall not forget all the fools who thought Covid was a hoax (and double that for the deniers who had the audacity to get the vaccine), all the ingrates who never bothered to wear a mask in public (even the “likeable” celebs–yes, I had to bring this up), all the selfish twunts who partied and took long-distance leisure vacations during the pandemic, and all the “politicians” who blocked any kind of pandemic relief and the dipshits who voted for them. Despicable, the lot of them. 

 

Think Happy Thoughts

I went to work today sleep deprived because the fire alarm in my apartment building went off at a time it should not have gone off (it was way before sunrise when it happened), and I’m surprised I didn’t crash into anything while driving. I think some Adam Driver stan cursed me with that fire alarm after what I said in my last post. Maybe my allegiance to Dame Joan Collins saved me. Today was bleh but it could’ve been worse. I could’ve also been one of those brain-exempt wankstains still holding a bunch of GameStop stock that I bought by taking out a $20K loan so I can stick it to those Wall Street fat cats and achieve my dreams of being the next Elon Muskrat (while ignoring my bank account sinking further and further into negative territory). But I’m not, thank goddess. 

 

 

Can I Eat The Rich Too?

When you’re kind of glad some people on Reddit exposed who the rich greedy fucks of Wall Street favors in their dusty playground (spoiler: rich greedy fucks) and made a hedge fund lose billions all because of GameStop shares, (of all the shares out there), only to realize that you weren’t one of those Redditors because you don’t know shit about the stock market, don’t have the dough to risk such an investment, and that the big earners from all the ongoing hoopla are a few rich dudes (and maybe some women too? I dunno) who had money to burn…

Also, I’m gonna be that bitch and say that it’s really foolish to think that someone who invested thousands of their money in GameStop shares is part of the “poors” who is “sticking it to the establishment”. (Oh, the things you read on Reddit sometimes!) If someone’s got four or five figures to spare to go play in the stock market and isn’t too worried if their investment in GameStop or AMC takes a devastating turn in the market, darling, they ain’t a poor, and that move is not rebelling against the establishment. It’s called just another day of investing. Get back to me when those money-burners find Spam too expensive and they set Tesla’s headquarters on fire.

Edited to add: this opinion piece on Business Insider tells it! And if BI (or any other website) tells you to disable your ad-blocker, Archive.Fo is your friend. Also, that misogynistic “marketing professor” can go wipe his crusty clacker with sandpaper. 

**UPDATE 2/3/21: After seeing the dust settling on this whole GameStop stock nonsense in the past few days, all that talk about Reddit “sticking it” to Wall Street from last week now looks more like media-driven sensationalism. It’s not a “revolution” when only a handful of Redditors (whom I’m guessing are well-versed in the stock market) gained something from the hoopla while supposedly millions of others posted losses (some of which are mind-boggling). And it’s certainly no longer sticking it to Wall Street/the establishment when wealthy investors with nine-figure bank accounts are also buying up GameStop stock. That narrative is dead. 

Unpopular Opinion alert: All those memes and tweets from last week hailing Reddit users as the glorious fighters against the fat cats can now be filed in the “Aged Like Milk” folder. There’s also a subReddit of the same name, but try voicing that fact there or in Leopards Ate My Face right now, and the downvotes and the delusional (who still hold onto their GameStop stock despite losing thousands (!!) from it all) will come. And it’s just plain as fuck pathetic. It’s pathetic because, besides them trying to hide from the truth, how many of those people who bought those stocks had real-life experience in investing and stocks in the first place? Watching YouTube videos don’t count! They got warned by those who knew the stock market but didn’t listen and kept posting “HOLD!” and those annoying-ass rocket and diamond hands emojis. And now those people are crying over being completely cleaned out. Whether they did so to get rich quick or stick it to the establishment, or both, it’s insane to me and, yep, goddamn fucking stupid. Yes, I’m aware some people are hurting financially, but to go the stock market route when they’ve never bought a share in their lives before?! They’re better off playing lottery tickets! I was naive to remotely think that the stupid would die down now that Orange Hitler is out of the White House, but the GameSuck (I’m not correcting this) saga of the past week showed that stupid will be with us for a little lot longer.

I am looking forward to the inevitable South Park parody of all this, however. 

Mood Right Now

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My phone broke on me yesterday and I had to make an emergency phone buy, since I need a phone to work. The damage to my “old” phone (it’s only nine months old) is repairable but it will cost me. (It accidentally fell while I was jogging and now the touchscreen doesn’t work. Moral of the story: don’t exercise.) The scramble to fix my phone myself (which didn’t work), getting a new temp phone, and configuring the new phone cost me precious writing/editing time on my day off. 

I also worked today so I was pretty much Santa doing grocery deliveries. Ho Ho Ho. While driving, I passed by a crowd checking out Xmas displays in a neighborhood, and, hoo, the no-mask wearing fools I saw roaming in that crowd. I saw one bungwipe wear his mask like a chinstrap while coughing up his lungs before going into that crowd. Jesus’ tear ducts are officially broken from all the weeping he’s done over some people’s blatant stupidity and selfishness.

Also, a website that used to be a favorite of mine (not Reddit) has lost its snarky touch and keeps giving mentions to bores and no-talent assholes who don’t deserve any more attention. And Aunt Flo’s flight to my airport arrived early. 

Bah Humfuckbug. 

I’m gonna open my presents early and fatten my butt with these to cheer me up. 

Not My Kind Of Fantasy

Me when I dick around on Reddit or Tumblr (I know, I know) and I have the misfortune of reading how some fangirls or fanboys or fan-enbys want their faves/crushes to “punch” or “choke” them, or in the case of this Adam Driver post, “step on my throat” (yeesh):

Hey, I too want Adam to do some crazy freaky triple-X things to me, no shame at all, but not that kind of shit!!! And I know I got some interesting fetishes, but I draw the line at someone going Fist Brown on me. What is up with some people wet-dreaming about their faves doing something demented and abusive to them? Even if it’s all consensual, eh…I just cannot wrap my head around it. I guess fantasizing over your faves/crushes for a simple makeout and hearty orifice-ramming is now uncool with the kids these days. Now they want the UFC Special. Blech!

**UPDATE: so I got a message saying that the line from that AD post came from John Oliver’s show and that it was all a gag. Before you bring out the donkey to bray at me, my ass doesn’t have the luxury of subscribing to HBO, nor did I hear about that until just now, so how should I know its context? It also doesn’t explain all those crazies on Tumblr and elsewhere who fantasize about being a “punching bag” to all the members of BTS.

Justice For Lauren

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As someone who has a few friends who used to do sex work, I support those who get into the adult industry/do sex work to support themselves when other resources that should be supporting them (like their regular job, parents/relatives who refuse to help out/the current blasted federal government, etc.) fail to. That her medic job wasn’t paying her enough while she was out there in NYC saving lives during a pandemic is the REAL shame. That and New York Post still exists. Fuck the NY Post, and double fuck Dean Balsamini and Susan Edelman for sharting up that article and doxxing her at the same time. All of them are right down there with dysentery.

Also, help Lauren out if you can!

True Dat

true dat

In my case, that trust went out the window and broke into a thousand pieces on the pavement. (It’s a Scorpio thing. If I lose trust in you, I won’t even lend you lint to watch over.) Seriously, this damn pandemic has me re-evaluating everyone, from friends to celebrity favorites (looks at Keanu with much disappointment). The rose-colored glasses have been cracked and the PR machine can cease the weak bandage fluff pieces. Anyone who chose to take the pandemic lightly with their anti-mask, party-throwing, travel-happy ways is someone who shouldn’t be taken seriously from here on out.

Click on tweet for its source

This Is Every Frilly Layer of No

harry in a dress

I usually enjoy seeing men of all gender representations get their classic femininity on, whether it’s wearing makeup, high heels, a dress, or all three. So why does seeing that pic of Harry Styles in a dress dry up and freeze my basement? Oh, that’s right, I was never into Harry in the first place (sorry 1D fanwhores). He never did a thing for me, and whenever I see a pic of him, I’m all the more thankful that I also find women attractive. Also, the pics are bleh, but then I don’t expect US Vogue (who have not been fashion-relevant in YEARS and if you need any proof just look at the pic they used for Harry’s cover) and their current roster of ho-hum photographers to capture an otherwise rad concept properly. That may be a Vogue image, but I’m getting Target catalog vibes from it. (In fairness, Target is more fashion-relevant than Vogue.)

While it’s great that Harry has no shame in cross-dressing, I somehow can’t buy him being this generation’s gender-bending fashun music icon. It takes more than just a guy putting on a purdy dress (or a woman dressing in a man’s suit) to gender bend. And on the occasions I hear about Harry, he doesn’t seem to have the personality and spark to pull the image off.  Honey’s no Bowie or Prince or Elton; hell, he’s not even mid/late-90s Dennis Rodman, Billy Porter, or even this former hot bitch I used to swoon over (*sulks over why he had to ruin himself*).

Also, whyyyyy are my nana’s old bedskirts (that she ended up donating to a thrift store ’cause she developed better taste) his dress?! In the words of Raja and Raven, it’s an automatic boot!

Pic courtesy of Lipstick Alley (via Vogue)