And It’s About Hot Mens Too

essence feb 96 copy

This week’s Throwback Thursday is brought to you by this vintage Essence cover from the mid-90s that has also fulfilled my sudden craving for vintage hot mens. (Well, somewhat fulfilled–I can be insatiable in this category.) How odd that mid-90s mag covers proudly showed shirtless panty-creamers with muscles, delectably glistened skin, and nips in your face, whereas nowadays a Vanity Fair cover with Michael B Jordan almost drowning is supposed to bring the hotness. (It didn’t, which is a hard feat to accomplish when someone like MBJ is involved!) That’s reason #549 why I favor old school mag covers over the newer ones.

And I Say Hot Damn

That sound you heard was the coaster under me breaking apart due to a flash flood that occurred in my basement after I posted that picture of Japanese-based rocker Atsushi Sakurai above. (If you don’t know him you can read more about him here.) It was expected, though. Google Photos reminded me that I saved that smoldering headshot to my phone a year ago. How my phone did not malfunction when it recognized that portrait of hotness is beyond me. How my panties managed to stay intact instead of dissolving is a mystery. What is not a mystery, however, is how damn foine dat man is. Did I mention that he also used to toy with gender norms back in the day? Oh, be still my loins!

 

Wang On My Mind

This week’s Hump Day is brought to you by the big schlong of superstar hockey goalie and long-time panty creamer of mine Henrik Lundqvist! Yes, you read that right! And, yes, this news is a few years old (and I discovered that gem after reading this recent post on teh Reddits), but it’s still a lot more interesting and pleasing to the eye than hearing about some smooth-brained celeb throwing a big Thanksgiving party during a damn pandemic.

Sadly, there aren’t any pictures of his hockey stick floating around the webs, but take former teammate Sean Avery’s word for it:

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Yes, I’m aware that Avery can be cray, but if he was honest enough to call his former nemesis Martin Brodeur a “fatso”, he wouldn’t lie about Hank’s wang! (Side note: I’m curious over what the next paragraph reads. Does it go into more detail about his peen?! Now I need to read Sean’s book!) And I’m sure athletes see a lot in locker rooms, and sometimes we’re lucky to get sneak peeks inside! For those who don’t follow hockey or/and sports, first up, you are missing out. And second, this is Henrik…

henrik-lundqvist-sexy (1)henrik with dog

I’ll let you finish cleaning up your genital slobber. Now picture him with a hole-wrecker and me all up on it that would make the peens of Jon Hamm and Idris Elba a little jelly. I’m not a size queen, but that’s an image that hits my five-hole.

Also, TIL that Wang also means “king” in Mandarin Chinese, and Lundqvist’s nickname is “King Henrik”, so the post title works two ways!

Yes I’d Hit Dat, Now Where’s That Time Machine?

vintage slash

If I was alive in 1982 and was a lonely teen addled with slam-dancing hormones but couldn’t get any then because I was also a pimple-ridden, awkward AF nerd (y’know, just like how my teen years were in real life), this pic of a young Slash would be up on my walls. And also on my binder and taped on my body pillow that would get lots of action (because, again, lonely nerd who can’t get any). Who knew that underneath that hat and curtain of burnt, greasy ramen noodles was a face that would make me fan my hot boxes? This is not the first time I got hot from vintage smut (OK, it’s not really smut, but it’s causing smutty thoughts in my head so it counts), which further validates that one saying: old school is the best school!

(Side note: I never really followed Slash, so I hope he didn’t turn out to be a vile asshole oh please I hope not)

Pic courtesy of this subReddit

Happy Monday

This news is over a week old, but I’m here to swoon and sing the praises of Nyle DiMarco! You know The ‘Rona is a total beeyotch cunt that’s starting to give cancer a run for its money when it gets to handsome men like him. Unlike another handsome man who’s starting to look dubious in my eyes (seriously, Idris?), Nyle, despite his celebrity, is choosing not to be tested, despite feeling ‘Rona-related symptoms. Here’s his reason why:

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The accompanying video to his post, as well as the rest of the story (and some fun comments) can be found here. Not only is he selfless and a winner on both America’s Next Top Model and Dancing With the Who-Dats, but, unf, look at him!

One thing I do know is that Nyle does test positive…for panty-creaming HOTNESS!