Gimme This For Christmas

cat ass cookie cutter

Kitty Butthole Cookie Cutters! Sure, I also want a billion dollars and endless hump sessions with Irina Shayk and Michael B. Jordan for Xmas, but a Sephora gift card and this sophisticated baking utensil can suffice! Williams-Sonoma gots nuthin’ on this Etsy seller who makes this and other feline-themed cookie cutters. It’s also a best-seller and received a butt(hole)load of 5-star ratings, so there’s one rightful thing going in this world.  (Side note: any non-porn listing title with the words “butt”, “party”, and “butthole” will always get my attention, no matter what you’re selling.) And the finished product (if you’re using the cookie cutters to actually make cookies and not placing them on a pedestal as a fine art display) has never made kitty bootyhole cookies look more delectable.

kitty b-hole cookies!

Now that’s a tea session worthy of putting your pinkies up! 

Credit to this Reddit post, which led me to the Etsy listing where the pictures originated from, which will lead me to being $30+ less rich once I get my paws on those bootyful items. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it is official.

The news dropped right when I had to go to work so I know I’m the very last person on earth to celebrate this. Right now, all the congrats to Biden, to Harris, their families and friends, and to all who campaigned and voted for them. And special thanks to those who volunteered to work during this election (even the ones taking a little while counting the ballots).

PARTY!!


It’s Halloween!!!

Unless you want to risk catching something far more scarier than some pre-teen girl dressing up as a hooker rapper with an over-inflated ass and ego (OK, maybe just a little scarier) today, stay the fuck home this year. Eat yo candy in yo costume in yo home and Zoom/Facetime yo friends if you want.

As for me, I won’t give details of my costume but I know I’ll be home nursing a gimpy left leg that I don’t know how it got gimpy in the first place. (I know I turned a year older yesterday but I shouldn’t be getting this old people pain shit right away.) I’ll also be binge-watching all my favorite Halloween-themed episodes of my favorite shows. Like this (edited) gem from one of The Simpsons “Treehouse Of Horror” episodes. *sighs* When presidential parodies made you laugh instead of cringe because of how one (or both) of the guys are in reality.

GLAMOUR For Your Weekend

Tired of awful news dominating headlines? Worn out from all things politics? Here’s some soothing balm for your eyes, courtesy of today’s birthday lady/fashion icon Bai Ling!!!

Aaaannnnd all Halloween costume contests have just been canceled since no one can top this piece de resistance.

Screen Shot 2020-10-10 at 12.00.45 AM

Not even that cuntbeast Covid can hold back a style goddess!

You may be thinking: there’s more class and fabric in a G-string than what Bai is wearing above. Oh, puh-lease. That G-string would plead and beg to be worn by Miss Ling so it can be seen and be part of fashion history. And I’d bemoan over why Bai has never been on the cover of Vogue and Bazaar, but given some of the no-talent, empty-eyed trash heaps they’ve shamefully given covers to in the past, those rags don’t deserve her greatness!

Happy birthday, Bai!

Weekend Jams

When my distressed soul needs to be uplifted, these are some of the songs I turn to…

This is not just a vogue-able, early 90s club classic. The lyrics can speak to what’s happening today: “…Follow me/Why don’t you follow me/To a place/Where we can be free/Come with me/Over there/Let’s put an end to racial hatred/And there’s love to share/Can you feel it/It’s in the air/Know its time for changes/Time for us to care…” Another coincidence: this jam dropped in 1992, which was also a tumultuous year, socially and politically. (Though I’d rather take living in ’92 than this year for many reasons.) 

I’m a sucker for strong vocals paired with a melody that takes me to dance paradise. I’m aware of the original version, but this was the first version I heard and it remains my favorite. The lyrics are equally inspiring. You have to be pulse-less if you can’t feel a thing when Martha heavenly belts, Nobody’s gonna take my pride, I won’t stop, I will not–be deniiiiiiied!” 

Who knew that Queen Aretha can also cut a dance track? It’s in the same vein as “Carry On”, with fierce vocals, stirring lyrics, and a fabulous dance beat, although I’m not sure which song came first. Ah, they’re both the tits. And this video will send you to flat-top heaven. 

Happy Weekend (And An Important Note!)

Before I get to the Happy Weekend part (which is never “happy” in my case because I usually work weekends, and there’s also a bloody heat wave going on in my area right now), an Important Note: after giving it much thought, “Sage Leone” shall no longer be. I do like to keep the name around (maybe for a character name), but I no longer want to use it as my pen name. Long live my original pen name! But I wanted to go by another nom de plume for a while. What that will be is something I’m still deciding on, although I do have another good pseudonym in mind. (No, it’s not Ivana Mandafuk–that was my old–and very short-lived–LiveJournal nickname.)

Because of the change, I’ll be altering the domain name in the next few days. (I’d change it now, but I also gotta come up with a good domain name to stick with.) I hope I can keep all my blog posts intact. If you also haven’t noticed, I did change the author “display name”. It’s obviously temporary, and I’ll do my best to resist the temptation to not change it when I’m feeling capricious.

For now, I shall leave you with a couple of underrated 90s rap jams for your weekend. I was going to post just the first song, but I never knew there was a soul version of that song until now. The messages of both songs are still relevant to this day and truly female-empowering. While I got no problem with some trash and crass in my music, sometimes the heart and ears need class to balance things out. (Especially nowadays!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kylie To The Rescue!

 

If you need some soothing eye (and ear and soul) balm after being ASSaulted by another unwanted serving of hackneyed hoochie heinies *cough*Cardi Blah and that other chick who seems to be no different than Cardi*cough*, just watch this video by thee Kylie herself and you’ll be healed! (And also craving glitter everything and your own gilded disco horse…or is it just me?) Praise be to Miss Minogue, and her return to alleviate us in these dreary AF times with her signature prescription of fun disco-pop and sparkly, colorful visuals that would make Lisa Frank jelly. Best of all, no fake asses in the video!

Just Gimme The Fireworks*

It’s the Fourth of July weekend. Since I’m not wrapped in the hot dog-scented straight jacket called blind patriotism (that’s also made in China but marketed as “Made In The USA”), I have to ask: after all that has happened in this country since the start of that darn year that is 2020, is there anything about the US worth celebrating these days?!

I used to be one of those people who had no problem donning attire that had the stars & stripes, and not just because this Fil-Am chick wanted to show others that an American girl is not just some white blue-eyed blonde. (By the way, all that bullshit over white blondes constantly being hyped as the “all-American dream girl” shall always be countered by a quote from that wacko supermodel Janice Dickinson: “blonde? Blue-eyed? That’s not American, you idiots. It’s Scandinavian.”) I wore all that patriotic shit because there was a time when I appreciated being an American, despite the faults the country had then.

That was ten years ago, though. That blue USA hat of mine, and all my other clothes displaying the red-white-and-blue, has been collecting dust in its storage since late 2016. Unless we vote out the bullshit this November and beyond, all those clothes will continue to stay there. (Friendly reminder to VOTE BLUE, PEOPLE!!) Sheeit, you won’t even catch me eating a cookie with red, white, and blue sprinkles these days. Simply put, it’s just another work weekend for me the next two days. Come at me, blind patriots.

Until there is a time when it will be cool to genuinely exclaim “America–fuck yeah!” again, I’ll just stick with enjoying my fivesome fantasy involving American-born hotties Jason Momoa, Michael B. Jordan, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Adam Driver as my way of celebrating the Fourth of July. That and the soul food and fireworks.*

*But don’t fire them off at 3 in the fucking morning, goddammit. I work early shifts this weekend and I need to sleep early!