It’s Goat Time!

My last two posts were fueled by natural bitchiness. This one won’t be, I swear. (Not making promises about the next post, though.)

While many people are traveling far and away again for ‘Murica Day weekend, I gotta stay home because I have work later today. But, for once in…I forgot how many years, I rest on July 4th. And that’s a good thing because maybe then I can revisit a hidden local gem I discovered last week. I’d say it’s a brothel deep in the Oakland hills where all the ladies look like a 90s version of Carmen Electra, but it’s actually a field of goats. (No, that’s not code word for a brothel.)

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I do mobile massage and I travel around the East Bay Area for work. You’d think I’d be fed up with driving after my grocery delivery temp job from last year, but I actually like driving for work. (Until I encounter those idiot drivers who don’t signal/cut you off/drive so damn slow, etc.) Anyway, one of my clients from last week lives in Chabot Park, and after their appointment, I explored their neighborhood a bit. An unexpected turn onto a dead-end road led me to this land of billys, nannys, and kids. It’s been ages since I got to see some goats up close, so this was all fascinating for me!

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I would’ve pet that critter, but there was this obstacle.

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I tested that electric fence by tapping a tall piece of hay on it. I didn’t get shocked but the hay broke off.

Also, I honestly thought this was some kind of goat farm, and then my uneducated ass learned a bit on goat grazing programs.

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This dog was breaking the rules! Going around with no leash and all! Actually, that pup played guard to the goats.

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Those kids ain’t right. They were butting heads!

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Those lucky goats get to dine, combat fires, and reside with a view. (Look very closely to the left and you can see the Golden Gate Bridge!)

All that was missing from this little trip was a baby’s bottle full of milk.

Happy Kylie Day!

It’s the start of a holiday weekend, and, more importantly, the born day of THE One And Only Kylie Minogue! In honor of the red-blooded woman raining glitter onto the world for the 53rd year, here are a few of my most-played songs of hers to date! Some of them may not be her most popular hits, but they’re still gems that deserve a listen. 

The beat to this track is everything. Also, her self-titled album from 1994 is shamefully slept on and needs to be heard! 

Three words: those hot pants. 

I’ve always preferred the longer version of this jam over its shortened original. But, oooh, its video…and that dress she’s wearing at the 2:51 mark! 

 

The original has always been one of my Kylie bops, but it has gotten less airplay ever since I discovered this slick remix, remade by 90s DJ legend David Morales (who also turned a few Mariah songs from the 90s into dance hits). 

Viva La Cher

And now for something that’s not trash at all. In honor of icon of all things legendary Cher, who recently celebrated her 75th birthday this week, here’s my one Cher moment. From November 2018 in Las Vegas! (I had my 34th b-day in Vegas, and I’ll write about all dat in another entry one day.) This might as well be another entry for my Travel Slut Diaries, since I did some traveling to get to her show.

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At The Park Theater, Monte Carlo Hotel in Vegas. 

I initially didn’t plan on going to a show of hers, and I thought Vegas shows featuring an iconic performer would cost me an arm, leg, an eyeball, and one buttcheek for nosebleed seats. Then I found out that tickets to a Friday night show of hers were discounted! I forgot how much, but they were affordable for me to get me a seat and finally bask in the iconicness that is Cher! 

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The view from my seat, which, IIRC, were aisle seats in the upper level. I always make an effort to get aisle seats in a show or game. No scooting my butt in front of strangers to sit down. 

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And the legend herself, in her opening number! Sure, her wig there looks like a tuft of Gritty’s pubes, but she still got it! I forgot what song she performed here, and I will say that she sang live…99% of the time. She allowed a bit of pre-recorded vocals during “Believe”, but it didn’t really bother me and it was just that one song. There was also a moment where she shared some story to the audience, and, IIRC, at the end of it, she mentioned doing her Vegas shows at her age, and then quipped, “so what’s your grandma doing?” The packed house roared from that. 

Some of my favorite captures from her show:

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One of the few times she danced!

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Going back to her Sonny & Cher roots. 

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Entering her House of Burlesque…

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She got gams! 

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The wigs were out in full force that night! And…and is that a pastie I see on her?! 

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Yep, she performed “If I Could Turn Back Time” in the exact same getup from her video and she pretty much looks the same as she did then. Now, if I were Cher’s age and I tried wearing something I wore from 30 years ago, it would be a felony because I’d be making people lose their eyesight and appetite.  

Just as impressive as Cher still kicking ass at 500 is my then-five-year-old Sony Cybershot camera (which is also 500 in tech world years and I still use it today), which captured all the images in this post! 

 

Listening To…(4/17)

I realized that I haven’t done a “Listening To…” post in a while. (Over three effin’ months!) How ’bout some classic 90s freestyle dance tunes for your weekend? Those who remember jamming to those old Wild 107.7 mixes from the mid/late 90s would know these tracks! 

 

I always enjoy a good “I don’t need that man anymore” jam. 

There are other versions of this song, but it’s this version that pops up the most in those Wild 107.7 mixes, and it’s also my favorite mix. 

You many not know who Rhythmcentric is, and that’s OK because I also don’t really know them aside from this still-fresh track of theirs. It’s also a jam that has other mixes, but this version is the best of them all. 

OK, so I’ve listened to this song for many, many years, but never saw its video until now. So much 90s elegance in one video! I’d put “shiny jacket and pants” on my shopping list, but designers don’t make fun clothes like that anymore!

 

My Butterfly Rainbow Hello Kitty Chanteuse!

I needed some eye balm after reading up on Jessica Walter and Beverly Cleary leaving this increasingly-cruel world for heavenly pastures, thus the header pic of today’s birthday queen Mariah Carey. You can say it’s an old pic of her, but you’d be wrong! That’s her, present-day, without a single bit of plastic surgery and photoshop on her. She doesn’t do any of that, sillys! 

It’s also the weekend (also known as two more work days for me), so enjoy some semi-underrated Mimi songs. I know I will! 

 

By the way, if I ever ditch my red hair, it will be for that fabulous shade of light golden brown-blonde like Mimi’s in that Roof video. That hair color is so late 90s, so of course the 90s slut in me adores it. 

Header pic courtesy of dlisted

Gimme This For Christmas

cat ass cookie cutter

Kitty Butthole Cookie Cutters! Sure, I also want a billion dollars and endless hump sessions with Irina Shayk and Michael B. Jordan for Xmas, but a Sephora gift card and this sophisticated baking utensil can suffice! Williams-Sonoma gots nuthin’ on this Etsy seller who makes this and other feline-themed cookie cutters. It’s also a best-seller and received a butt(hole)load of 5-star ratings, so there’s one rightful thing going in this world.  (Side note: any non-porn listing title with the words “butt”, “party”, and “butthole” will always get my attention, no matter what you’re selling.) And the finished product (if you’re using the cookie cutters to actually make cookies and not placing them on a pedestal as a fine art display) has never made kitty bootyhole cookies look more delectable.

kitty b-hole cookies!

Now that’s a tea session worthy of putting your pinkies up! 

Credit to this Reddit post, which led me to the Etsy listing where the pictures originated from, which will lead me to being $30+ less rich once I get my paws on those bootyful items. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it is official.

The news dropped right when I had to go to work so I know I’m the very last person on earth to celebrate this. Right now, all the congrats to Biden, to Harris, their families and friends, and to all who campaigned and voted for them. And special thanks to those who volunteered to work during this election (even the ones taking a little while counting the ballots).

PARTY!!


It’s Halloween!!!

Unless you want to risk catching something far more scarier than some pre-teen girl dressing up as a hooker rapper with an over-inflated ass and ego (OK, maybe just a little scarier) today, stay the fuck home this year. Eat yo candy in yo costume in yo home and Zoom/Facetime yo friends if you want.

As for me, I won’t give details of my costume but I know I’ll be home nursing a gimpy left leg that I don’t know how it got gimpy in the first place. (I know I turned a year older yesterday but I shouldn’t be getting this old people pain shit right away.) I’ll also be binge-watching all my favorite Halloween-themed episodes of my favorite shows. Like this (edited) gem from one of The Simpsons “Treehouse Of Horror” episodes. *sighs* When presidential parodies made you laugh instead of cringe because of how one (or both) of the guys are in reality.

GLAMOUR For Your Weekend

Tired of awful news dominating headlines? Worn out from all things politics? Here’s some soothing balm for your eyes, courtesy of today’s birthday lady/fashion icon Bai Ling!!!

Aaaannnnd all Halloween costume contests have just been canceled since no one can top this piece de resistance.

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Not even that cuntbeast Covid can hold back a style goddess!

You may be thinking: there’s more class and fabric in a G-string than what Bai is wearing above. Oh, puh-lease. That G-string would plead and beg to be worn by Miss Ling so it can be seen and be part of fashion history. And I’d bemoan over why Bai has never been on the cover of Vogue and Bazaar, but given some of the no-talent, empty-eyed trash heaps they’ve shamefully given covers to in the past, those rags don’t deserve her greatness!

Happy birthday, Bai!