Hump Day Feast

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Shoutout to Rancho Grande Taqueria in Pleasanton for the Cinco de Mayo feast-for-one, and for the Groupon deal that nabbed me $30 worth of food for half-off. Of course, I spent more than $30, but if you saw their menu you’d understand! If you’re wondering what’s about to fatten my ass today, I gots me the following: Torta Sammich with Al Pastor filling (top left), freshly-made chips (middle in bag), Carne Asada plate with the works and some tortilla wraps (right), and (bottom left) CHURROS!!! No, I will not eat all of this in one sitting (I will be having the Torta in a few minutes, though), and, hell naw I am not having my churros with salsa verde. Because, like St. Patrick’s Day, the best way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo is through food (and drinking) and not learning shit about its history, right?

And Now For Some Sweet Shade

sidney is hawt

That panty creamer above is NHL hockey superstar Sidney Crosby, whose hotness alone has caused my basement to be flooded many times since I first knew of him 12 years ago. Yeah, he’s also good at the stick-and-puck thing, but I never knew he could be a little shady. Some lesser in the hockey world had the nerve to drag him recently, and a reporter for the Penguins (Sid’s team) picked up this quote from Sid himself who addressed the beef:

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Sid had the opportunity to go full-on Mariah or the Patrick Roy way on that guy, but he’s not really known for being a shady ho. A scoring ho, yes. Nonetheless, it gets a solid 4 out of 5 on the Shade Scale. Tell it, Sidney! *snaps fingers*

Luck Of My Tummy

It’s Hump Day, and it’s also St. Patrick’s Day. I’m not a tenth Irish, but I’m sure I slept with someone of Irish descent in the past. So how did I celebrate this day? With the best thing to celebrate a holiday (besides gifts): FOOD! In this case, most of it homemade.

I planned on making a St. Patty’s Day feast for one. Bought my corned beef, the veggies to cook with the corned beef…and that was it. I didn’t need to have the whole she-bang and get other foods like Irish Bangers and stuff to make Shepherd’s Pie. But it was only until late last night after all the grocery stores closed did I realize two things: I also wanted Irish soda bread, and I found out that Krispy Kreme was giving away free green donuts to anyone wearing green. Wednesdays are usually stay-at-home days for me, but I was not going to pass up the offer of getting me a free green donut!

First, though, the Irish soda bread. I saw it going for $4 at Trader Joe’s, and I initially kicked myself for not buying it yesterday. Then I saw a recipe for it. *gasp* I have all those ingredients! I can make it at home! Four bucks saved! And, best of all, it’s a simple dump-and-stir-and-knead recipe. (I get bummed when I see a recipe that requires a stand-alone mixer, as I don’t have one of those things.) Making dat bread was the first thing I did after getting out of bed this morning.

The before pic of the dough…

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And after! This was also my first time making Irish soda bread, and I’m quite impressed with how it turned out.

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Butter this hot slice up! 

Lunch was corned beef with the fixins. Making corned beef was another first for me, unless you count the many times I cooked this version of corned beef in the past. (Hey, that’s some good shit. Still can’t stand the way to open the can, though.) No online recipe this time–I just followed the package instructions. The meat turned out fine, but, in a first for me, a large, warm, juicy, light pink slab didn’t look appealing to me. I wanted to brown that baby. A few minutes of searing it plus some extra salt and pepper and it was lookin’ good (to go in my stomach).

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My St. Patty’s Day bowl! I actually had more bread than pictured (duh). If you’re wondering where the Guinness is at, I worked out before this meal, and I don’t drink alcohol after a workout. That’s how I roll. Plus, I don’t have any Guinness at home.

About those green donuts: I got my freebie! It pays to have some green-colored clothes. I also bought a few more, and the server was nice enough to throw in a free cinnamon sugar donut when they ran out of cake batter donuts. That’s two free donuts!

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Forget recycling and reusing bags–this is THE way to go green! I also like how the frosting of the bottom left donut makes it look marbled. That work of donut art is currently being processed by my digestive system as I type.

Rainbows and Dollahs

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I got my second Covid shot yesterday, and while I don’t feel sick, I’m stricken with a sore arm, lethargy, and a slight case of brain fog (yes, I have a brain). How I have the energy to write all this up is kind of a miracle, in a way. It feels like I’m on the rag, but without the blood and erratic mood swings. The dreary, cold & wet weather we had earlier today didn’t help causes, but when things started to clear up, I did get this purdy rainbow sighting from my apartment!

Also in today’s news, I received a $150 gift card from this market research study I did last week. I’m rich again, biatches!

I Baked A Thing

In between work, more editing, and figuring out which story to write next, I made some classic comfort food!

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It’s baked homemade macaroni and cheese! (Recipe in the link.) Will this convert me to baking mac & cheese in the oven from now on? Not really. Who knew that a small block of Gruyere cheese (which that mac & cheese recipe calls for) could be costly? Plus, the convenience of making it stove top still can’t be beat. (Boxed mac & cheese gang rise up!)

I <3 JGL

It’s Hump Day, thus my choice of image.

During my middle school years back in the mid-90s, some of my peers would deface the bathroom stall walls by writing “I Love JTT”–as in Jonathan Taylor-Thomas. I saw the appeal but he wasn’t my jam. If I wasn’t an introverted nerd who feared getting into trouble then (I’ve come a looooong way since those days, by the way), I would’ve countered all that JTT love with an “I ❤ JGL” (as in Joseph Gordon-Levitt) scribbled in sharpie. The then-long-haired cutie caught my eye while I was reading some random teen magazine (forgot which one), and a crush was born when I started watching him on 3rd Rock From The Sun. Tommy Solomon doesn’t make me go sploosh like he used to, but I enjoyed watching him blossom into a successful adult actor over the years. Who also managed to, AFAIK, keep a balanced head on his shoulders, which is quite a feat considering his early start in a predatory industry like HoWood. I still can’t forgive him for that time he cut off his long locks in that one 3rd Rock episode years ago, though. Thirteen-year-old me was shattered when I saw that! (I ended up forgiving him in the very next episode, however, because sucker (me) and still cute (him).)

Still, happiest of birthdays to Joe today. (Forty friggin’ years old…I’ve followed the guy since he was 15, and I just sprouted another gray hair from realizing that.) He seems to be one of the few true good guys in his industry, and I hope I did not just jinx his good guy shit with that!

No Sick

At least that’s how I feel right now after getting my first dose of the Covid vaccine yesterday! But holy cheetos, my upper arm is SORE as a mofo.

Anyhoo, in honor of getting my first jab, here’s a comic that illustrates how the vaccine works (that will also make a Star Wars whore gush with glee).

Comic courtesy of this site, via this Reddit post, which explains the comic better than I ever could. 

It’s Only Fitting

It’s Inauguration Day here in the States. And I am very glad to see a transition from the vile rat fucks that infested the White House, to actual politicians who care about bettering the country. I never acknowledged Orange Hitler as that “P” word, but I do look forward to hearing the words “President Biden” and “Vice-President Harris” from the media for the next four years. The titles just fit. 

Also…

a haiku for orange hitler

Here, I’ll add mine: 

Lost the election

Racist got impeached twice, now

Lock his fat ass up!

(Note: I usually don’t body shame…unless if it involves someone odious as Chump. Then the gloves are off.)

Oh, and I see you TCM Channel and your slew of “Joe movies” you’ll be airing today. Well played. 

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Comfort In Chichis

I couldn’t find a fun thing to post here (that also didn’t have to do with the terrorist bungwipes getting shamed and arrested for participating in last week’s Fascistpalooza, as I want to avoid that topic for a minute) for the past few days. Just when I was going to file a theft report on Steve Harvey’s daughter for stealing Michael B Jordan away from me (booooo), another favorite subReddit of mine came through with a perky post on what may very well be the breast pillow ever!

And the company who makes these “most realistic boob” pillows with “100% mammary foam” (ahahahaha) must be after my heart and wallet. They look realistic–at least if you look at them like they’re fake titties. The pillow above seems to have one titty slightly bigger than the other and the “wide canyon” in the between, just like a classic stripper’s rack, so the company got the realistic part right. My all-natural swing-low sweet chariots can’t compare, but they do look like that after you’ve had seven beers.

Also, I cannot be the only one who reads the descriptions and think all of it was originally written in a foreign language and went through BabelFish for translation:

you feel very interesting, with curves contoured like those of a woman, creative breast boob pillow for comfort, it will be your best friend who brightens your mood…”

I dunno, if I were to nestle my head in the chichis of my bestie every time I need to brighten my mood (and that’s like almost every other day hour), she’d be questioning the hell out of our friendship.

The more I look at it (and I need to stop looking at it), the more I see its versatility. Think about it: you can use it to actually relax your neck or low back, do slut stuff with it if that’s your game, use it as a breastplate to scare or humor others, pillow fight with it, or display it in your home on the shelf as a work of art. Basic ergonomic neck/low back pillows be damned, for the MyTittyPillow has arrived to suit your many comforting needs!

Pic courtesy of the The Top Store

Wooooooot!

Yes, I still say “woot” like it’s the mid-2000s again. And I was about to let Mr. Sandman do his thing so I can dream of Irina but I made the oh-so wise decision to dick around on the internet for “just a few more minutes”. Then I saw this:

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And, of course, the news is also the top Reddit headline at the moment.

Say it with me, everyone: Senate MINORITY Turtle Moscow Mitch. That’s got a ring to it! Also, fuck him for all eternity and I still hope he chokes on a Lego.

Most importantly: THANK YOU, GEORGIA!!! Thank you to all the peach state residents who voted and rallied for restoring democracy! And much thanks and props to Stacey Abrams, the true leader of Georgia!