Reclaiming My Buzz

The header pic was supposed to show the latest addition to my slut arsenal, but I think such images are a no-no in WordPress Land, thus the GIF above that could also be a metaphor for this post. Anyhoo, I’ll be taking the “hump” in Happy Hump Day seriously after I finish up this post. This arrived in the mail yesterday, and yours slutty is now the proud owner of a high-end object of affection that I got for half off its original retail price! Lelos may be fancy-looking, wallet-breaking nut-busters, but I’m now making more money since returning to my massage job, and they also had a big sale over a week ago–coincidentally, right when my last vibe died. My old vibe died so a Lelo can live (in my bed). Oh, why I am writing…I got a new toy to play with! 

The Shit I Missed

I had some entries that I was supposed to finish/write up, but Yours Bitchy got busy as of late. (“So what’s new?”–you). I’m also worn out from doing some moving crap (not moving out of my apartment, just moving my stuff out of a storage unit to another), and I’m back to making dat massage money again. So, I’m condensing all the shit I had no time to post about here.

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I had a long unfinished rant about Billie Eyelash’s (typo stays) quick 180 from Hot Topic poster child to bored brothel worker from the 1940s for UK Vogue. Then I realized that editing the word count of my story was the more interesting project to work on. All I will say about her new look and attitude for now is that she’s young, female, and in the music industry. And if you’re familiar with how that industry has done young female artists in the past 20 years, you should know what I’m talking about.

By the way, what is up with some of these chicks and guys today trying to be sexy but looking like the Unisom hasn’t worn off?! There’s a big difference between come-hither and straight-up looking like you need a damn nap. Marilyn Monroe would never.

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I’m bad for being very late in this, but better late than never to say farewell to Tawny Kitaen, who passed away this past weekend. Because I’m familiar with the sophisticated subject matter that is 80s/90s Bombshells, Tawny’s name, even if I go months without hearing about her, rings a bell with me. She was THE hottie for all those Whitesnake videos back in the day, people! Nowadays, chicks get labeled a hottie if they look generically hot and twerk on their TikTok. It remains to be seen if they can live up to Tawny’s legendary video vixen status, however. (spoiler alert: they won’t)

You know that’s also how she made her entrance into the pearly gates above.

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Speaking of unexpected passings (and here’s one for the TMFI files), pour one out for my vibrator. She quit on me at the worst ever possible time while I was using her, and if I have to tell you when that was, well, bless you. I tried recharging it (this was no battery-powered toy here) but to no avail. This is the last time I buy my vibes off of eBay! (I know, I know.)

In happier news, I got tipped a delectable $100 for this couples massage I did recently. (Vibrator-spending money–yay!) This couple is loaded–fancy gated home with a guest house that has three flat-screen TVs (!) in their living room (I know this because that’s where I massaged them) and all that good shit. My experience when it comes to tips from massaging “rich folk” is hit or miss, though. Some tip well, and others are pathetic AF tippers. For the latter, that’s one reason why those rich bitches stay rich. Luckily, the couple I saw was not one of those types.

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In happier news not related to me, my Butterfly Hello Kitty queen got her second shot last week! The Vaccination of Mimi has begun!

It’s That Time Again (Pt. 2)

When it’s Hero Parent Worship Season and you’re bombarded by Happy Mother’s/Father’s Day stuff, but you don’t have a mom or dad deserving of those things and some ingrates still think you’re the reason why you had bad parents…

All won’t be lost, in my case. I’ll just honor my friends who happen to be moms and dads. It’s the best I can do. 

I posted this link last year, but this subReddit (if any of you need support) knows where I’m coming from. 

 

And It’s Finally Complete

Guess who finally finished editing her first novel?

Since I’m fussy like dat, I do need to reread the whole thing for the umpteenth time to make sure it all looks good. But the editing part is done. Months and months of editing and I’m finally finished and I can now work on getting it formatted into an eBook (I plan on self-publishing this) and also start working on my next story. Yaasss. 

Can I Eat The Rich Too?

When you’re kind of glad some people on Reddit exposed who the rich greedy fucks of Wall Street favors in their dusty playground (spoiler: rich greedy fucks) and made a hedge fund lose billions all because of GameStop shares, (of all the shares out there), only to realize that you weren’t one of those Redditors because you don’t know shit about the stock market, don’t have the dough to risk such an investment, and that the big earners from all the ongoing hoopla are a few rich dudes (and maybe some women too? I dunno) who had money to burn…

Also, I’m gonna be that bitch and say that it’s really foolish to think that someone who invested thousands of their money in GameStop shares is part of the “poors” who is “sticking it to the establishment”. (Oh, the things you read on Reddit sometimes!) If someone’s got four or five figures to spare to go play in the stock market and isn’t too worried if their investment in GameStop or AMC takes a devastating turn in the market, darling, they ain’t a poor, and that move is not rebelling against the establishment. It’s called just another day of investing. Get back to me when those money-burners find Spam too expensive and they set Tesla’s headquarters on fire.

Edited to add: this opinion piece on Business Insider tells it! And if BI (or any other website) tells you to disable your ad-blocker, Archive.Fo is your friend. Also, that misogynistic “marketing professor” can go wipe his crusty clacker with sandpaper. 

**UPDATE 2/3/21: After seeing the dust settling on this whole GameStop stock nonsense in the past few days, all that talk about Reddit “sticking it” to Wall Street from last week now looks more like media-driven sensationalism. It’s not a “revolution” when only a handful of Redditors (whom I’m guessing are well-versed in the stock market) gained something from the hoopla while supposedly millions of others posted losses (some of which are mind-boggling). And it’s certainly no longer sticking it to Wall Street/the establishment when wealthy investors with nine-figure bank accounts are also buying up GameStop stock. That narrative is dead. 

Unpopular Opinion alert: All those memes and tweets from last week hailing Reddit users as the glorious fighters against the fat cats can now be filed in the “Aged Like Milk” folder. There’s also a subReddit of the same name, but try voicing that fact there or in Leopards Ate My Face right now, and the downvotes and the delusional (who still hold onto their GameStop stock despite losing thousands (!!) from it all) will come. And it’s just plain as fuck pathetic. It’s pathetic because, besides them trying to hide from the truth, how many of those people who bought those stocks had real-life experience in investing and stocks in the first place? Watching YouTube videos don’t count! They got warned by those who knew the stock market but didn’t listen and kept posting “HOLD!” and those annoying-ass rocket and diamond hands emojis. And now those people are crying over being completely cleaned out. Whether they did so to get rich quick or stick it to the establishment, or both, it’s insane to me and, yep, goddamn fucking stupid. Yes, I’m aware some people are hurting financially, but to go the stock market route when they’ve never bought a share in their lives before?! They’re better off playing lottery tickets! I was naive to remotely think that the stupid would die down now that Orange Hitler is out of the White House, but the GameSuck (I’m not correcting this) saga of the past week showed that stupid will be with us for a little lot longer.

I am looking forward to the inevitable South Park parody of all this, however. 

My Boo

I’m about to hit the hay and I hope to wake up to some happy news about the Georgia Senate Runoff elections. Until then, I shall dream of today’s birthday hottie bombshell top member of my fantasy harem Irina Shayk throwing her bikini top on me and then some! (And then I wake up to my body pillow soaked with my slobber, then mope over not having the real thing yet again afterwards.) Happy birthday, Irina!!!