B For Boob, Er, Effort

Because I’m a breast chick, anything titty-related gets my attention. This happened in LA today. 

I should applaud the effort but I’m feeling nitpicky today. (It’s the PMS.) If the sign crashers made the effort to climb up that terrain to make the sign worthy of a thousand Beavis and Butthead laughs (although, in fairness, the “wood” part alone gets them LOLing), they could have pulled up the first B to cover up that W, and also created another big B to cover up that D. Unless you get up close to the sign, no one’s gonna see that line through that D! It will read HOLLYwBOOD from the 101! I’m giving this a reluctant one tit up, and Hollyweed still has yet to meet its match!  

 

It’s Only Fitting

It’s Inauguration Day here in the States. And I am very glad to see a transition from the vile rat fucks that infested the White House, to actual politicians who care about bettering the country. I never acknowledged Orange Hitler as that “P” word, but I do look forward to hearing the words “President Biden” and “Vice-President Harris” from the media for the next four years. The titles just fit. 

Also…

a haiku for orange hitler

Here, I’ll add mine: 

Lost the election

Racist got impeached twice, now

Lock his fat ass up!

(Note: I usually don’t body shame…unless if it involves someone odious as Chump. Then the gloves are off.)

Oh, and I see you TCM Channel and your slew of “Joe movies” you’ll be airing today. Well played. 

Screenshot_20210120-001617

 

 

Comfort In Chichis

I couldn’t find a fun thing to post here (that also didn’t have to do with the terrorist bungwipes getting shamed and arrested for participating in last week’s Fascistpalooza, as I want to avoid that topic for a minute) for the past few days. Just when I was going to file a theft report on Steve Harvey’s daughter for stealing Michael B Jordan away from me (booooo), another favorite subReddit of mine came through with a perky post on what may very well be the breast pillow ever!

And the company who makes these “most realistic boob” pillows with “100% mammary foam” (ahahahaha) must be after my heart and wallet. They look realistic–at least if you look at them like they’re fake titties. The pillow above seems to have one titty slightly bigger than the other and the “wide canyon” in the between, just like a classic stripper’s rack, so the company got the realistic part right. My all-natural swing-low sweet chariots can’t compare, but they do look like that after you’ve had seven beers.

Also, I cannot be the only one who reads the descriptions and think all of it was originally written in a foreign language and went through BabelFish for translation:

you feel very interesting, with curves contoured like those of a woman, creative breast boob pillow for comfort, it will be your best friend who brightens your mood…”

I dunno, if I were to nestle my head in the chichis of my bestie every time I need to brighten my mood (and that’s like almost every other day hour), she’d be questioning the hell out of our friendship.

The more I look at it (and I need to stop looking at it), the more I see its versatility. Think about it: you can use it to actually relax your neck or low back, do slut stuff with it if that’s your game, use it as a breastplate to scare or humor others, pillow fight with it, or display it in your home on the shelf as a work of art. Basic ergonomic neck/low back pillows be damned, for the MyTittyPillow has arrived to suit your many comforting needs!

Pic courtesy of the The Top Store

Gimme This For Christmas

cat ass cookie cutter

Kitty Butthole Cookie Cutters! Sure, I also want a billion dollars and endless hump sessions with Irina Shayk and Michael B. Jordan for Xmas, but a Sephora gift card and this sophisticated baking utensil can suffice! Williams-Sonoma gots nuthin’ on this Etsy seller who makes this and other feline-themed cookie cutters. It’s also a best-seller and received a butt(hole)load of 5-star ratings, so there’s one rightful thing going in this world.  (Side note: any non-porn listing title with the words “butt”, “party”, and “butthole” will always get my attention, no matter what you’re selling.) And the finished product (if you’re using the cookie cutters to actually make cookies and not placing them on a pedestal as a fine art display) has never made kitty bootyhole cookies look more delectable.

kitty b-hole cookies!

Now that’s a tea session worthy of putting your pinkies up! 

Credit to this Reddit post, which led me to the Etsy listing where the pictures originated from, which will lead me to being $30+ less rich once I get my paws on those bootyful items. 

It’s Scorpio Season!

Yes, I know I haven’t posted anything in over a week. Still working the temp job (though I may return to my regular job soon), and still editing my story (while also coming up with ideas for my next story). 

Anyhoo-hoo, let’s celebrate the start of the bestest zodiac sign of them all* with this meme that is accurate AF!

*I know it’s the bestest sign of them all because I am a Scorpio myself! Scorp Gang rise up!! (Except Wheelchair Jimmy, Orange Hitler’s favorite daughter Complicit Barbie, psycho bitch-ass Roseanne, Anna Wintour and her tragic hairdo that’s as ancient as her, anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy, and Pimp Mama Kris Kartrashian and her wooden-faced crotchfruit that “models”–you disgraces aren’t allowed to sit with us.)

Fight Fire With Beer

As many of you know, Nor-Cal is currently a literal hell on earth, and it’s not just anti-mask Karens and fans of the Paul brothers that live in the region making it so. This past week, we’ve had temperatures in the infernos (and, yes, I had to work during some of those days, so that was fun no it fucking wasn’t), and everyone knows that hot-ass temps plus dry-ass grassland equals California’s third season: Fire. Having lived in Nor-Cal all of my life, Fire season usually starts in October, but this being 2020, it came early this year. (On a personal note: my town is not affected, thankfully, but I used to live in one of the cities just a year ago that has gotten hit hard with those bitch fires.)

And what does one do when they choose to stay home despite evacuation notices, and the fire is nearing their home but the water is shut off? You turn to beer, duh! At least the dude in this vid did.

I’m wagering tree-fiddy that Budweiser’s CEO gave themselves a celebratory beer shower after seeing that vid, knowing that their unflushed toilet water they call light beer serves another useful purpose besides making Coors Light more palatable. And if that guy can save his home with just a case of beer, imagine what more he could have saved if he had a truckload of the stuff! If Smokey The Bear has to be retired, the Wildfire Prevention Campaign should bring on the Bud Light Fireman to replace him. The updated slogan would at least be more fun: “only you can prevent fires…with beer!”

(On a snark-free note: shout out to all the first responders and firefighters battling the fires in my state. You all kick ass!)

Happy Slutty Monday

I almost went with posting just the first bit below, but I recently discovered the second part (via Reddit, of course), and it was too good to pass up! Double your pleasure today!

One of my favorite time-wasters is browsing through ooooooold Dlisted posts (which were a LOT funnier than what I read from that site these days). In doing so, I stumbled upon this vintage jewel of tender affection in need of requite:

the rimjob of your life!

You know you’re taking Slut Life to the next level when your choice of salad-tossing music is the rimjob-friendly vocals of Lionel Ritchie. And seeing that this ad is now 10 years old, I hope the ass-eating ho in SoHo made her Inception-themed wet dream come true.

Butt I’m also wondering where and what was Gabrielle Union doing 10 years ago…

*********

And, finally, a splooge-blast from the past, courtesy of Mickey Mantle and his favorite Yankee Stadium moment…

mantle_BJ

Wait, wait…dude got sucked off by the entire Yankee bullpen?!?! *reads the second part* Aww, damn. *puts away Freak Of The Week award*
(I am snickering over the “give as much detail…” part, though. Way to set him up, Yankee organization!)

I must give Mantle some slut points for getting a BJ during a game, but I also have to take a few points off for using his pulled groin as an excuse to not going all the way with some baseball trick. A real slut would’ve made NO excuses and gone all the way! Even Lindsay Blohan, who I’m sure hustled with her Johns with blown-out orifices before, is going “tsk-tsk” on “the all-American boy”. Mantle may be a baseball legend, but his ass would not have survived if he had to work the ho stroll.