Thanks And No Thanks

For this Turkey Day, instead of a pic of this year’s home-cooked feast that turned out…OK (more on this later), I must list the shit that I’ve been thankful and not so thankful for. Given how this year has turned out, I’m kind of surprised there have been some things I’m thankful for.

Bad stuff first.

*NOT Thankful For…*

–all the anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers still roaming around out there. Keep on fucking around; you’ll eventually find out.

–the one-percenters continuing to get richer. Guillotine when, dammit?

–our very, very dubious judicial system that allowed Pill Cosby to get out of jail, Orange Hitler to keep roaming around a free man dickwad, and this shit

–Game 5 of the NLDS (boooooooooo)

–the pumpkin pie recipe on the back of Trader Joe’s Organic Pumpkin Pie mix. Last year, my pie turned out lovely. But this year, I followed the TJs recipe, and here’s the result:

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It made my place smell nice during baking, but that was it. The taste was eh, and the middle was also runny. *sad face* Much disappointment, TJs. I’m following this recipe from now on!

–speaking of TJs, them not bringing back their Chocolate Pecan Pie Bar for the holidays. Booooooooo!!!

–obvious PR-concocted fluff pieces on so-called nice celebs who are bad twats behind closed doors (more on this in another post)

Now for the good shizz!

*Thankful For* 

–the scientists who created the Covid vaccines (it has to be said)

–me not catching Covid, even after returning to my massage job (and I hope I didn’t jinx myself with this)

my state’s rent relief program that helped my ass out

this verdict! (A sliver of hope from the courts. Now if the sentence can fit the crime…)

–Revlon’s Vixen nail polish. I feel fierce when I wear it, and it’s also a good dupe for Chanel’s Vamp

–me cooking a whole turkey and it turning out right. It’s been years since I cooked a whole turkey; I’ve been buying turkey breasts as they’re cheaper and easier to cook, but I couldn’t deny the 79-cents a pound sale Target had on whole birds. I followed this method, and wow did my meat taste so juicy and flavorful! (I will say that I didn’t have white wine, but I used ACV as a substitute.)

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The turkey looks nicer in person, trust. And, hey, the biscuits and stuffing also turned out well.

–me saving the last of my TJs Chocolate Pecan Pie Bar from last year. Kept it in the freezer for a year and it tasted better than this year’s pumpkin pie.

–those looooong BBC Essential Mixes from the 90s on YouTube, like the one below that lucky club-hoppers danced to 26 years ago this day. (I can’t forget it’s Throwback Thursday, even if it’s a holiday.) Now to dance away my Thanksgiving meal!

Bring These Back!

Because of my wisdom teef extraction, I can’t chew gum or have mints to freshen my breath for a while. I’d turn to basic breath sprays, but I would rather have Ice Breakers “Liquid Ice” revived. I didn’t know these were discontinued! Those little itty bitties of minty goodness that you’d simply let dissolve in your mouth–no chewing necessary–were my jam during my college years! Sometimes I’d take a walk on the wild side and pop in three or four at a time. (And risk getting mint burn while clearing up my sinuses in the process.) If there really is a revival of 2000s-era pop culture happening, why isn’t Liquid Ice being brought back?! 

And if they do get revived, I’m gonna call it and say there will be a Liquid Ice Challenge happening. It sure beats that stupid-ass Tide Pod challenge. 

I Made Another Thing

 

Homemade comfort food for a Hump Day Night: cheesy potatoes au gratin, courtesy of this recipe! I’ve made this dish before, but chose to follow someone else’s recipe for a change. I’m quite impressed with theirs. Although I’m not sure why the author thinks this dish is a way to “a man’s heart”; it’s the way to a slut’s heart, too! *points at self* 

Since I’m a rebel, I didn’t follow that recipe in full. I sliced my potatoes pretty thin (like almost paper-thin; because of this, I used more potatoes), didn’t use onions, layered extra shredded cheese in between a few layers of potato because cheese whore, topped the dish with bread crumbs for some crispy crispy, and I mixed a few pinches of–get this–pumpkin pie spice in the cheese sauce. Wanted that taste of autumn in summer. The recipe also says to bake in a typical 9 X 13 casserole dish, but I stuffed it all in a regular 8 X 8 pan and it worked fine. And the taste was diviiiiiine. Now I got another waistline-expander to drown my sorrows over the death of one of the ZZ Top guys. *sighs, takes a few more bites of my dish*

 

Hump Day Feast

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Shoutout to Rancho Grande Taqueria in Pleasanton for the Cinco de Mayo feast-for-one, and for the Groupon deal that nabbed me $30 worth of food for half-off. Of course, I spent more than $30, but if you saw their menu you’d understand! If you’re wondering what’s about to fatten my ass today, I gots me the following: Torta Sammich with Al Pastor filling (top left), freshly-made chips (middle in bag), Carne Asada plate with the works and some tortilla wraps (right), and (bottom left) CHURROS!!! No, I will not eat all of this in one sitting (I will be having the Torta in a few minutes, though), and, hell naw I am not having my churros with salsa verde. Because, like St. Patrick’s Day, the best way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo is through food (and drinking) and not learning shit about its history, right?

Highs, Lows, Donuts, and Bunnies

Yours trampy had an eventful Saturday. I had my second bout of vehicle fuckery in a month. This time, it involved  my car battery. Yes, it had to go out while I was working; luckily, I finished up one batch of my deliveries before my car decided to add more crap to my continuously-growing pile of personal misery. After a jumpstart from the tow person and driving 30 minutes with the resurrected battery, I took it to my car-fixing friend. He suggested that I get a new battery, and that he would also install it. I was given some time off from work to fix the car, with the option of calling out the whole day in case my car became inoperable. In one hour, I drove from friend’s house to Costco to buy that car battery, drive back to friend’s house for installation (which took just 30 minutes), get disgusted upon finding that a now-dead rat crawled into the battery space and left rat shit in there (no wonder my battery was performing like shit), then returned to Costco to dispose of the old, rat shit-stained battery and get $15 from recycling it (oh, those workers don’t know what that old battery has seen), and *catches breath* made a quick run to the food court to get me a chicken bake before returning to work.

I work this Easter. I get double pay today and my work day will be short, but I hope it’s back to boring times with the car. No mo’ drama with my chariot, man.

One of my treats for today (that I was able to nab when I saw them) will be Easter-themed mini donuts from Krispy Kreme. One of the donuts I got is this:

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I’m gonna scarf down rabbit ass today! Then, after pissing off the waistband of my jeans again from a baked ham and cheesy potato casserole Easter dinner, I’ll cuddle up to my “Bunny” Snoopy plushie…

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I know what you’re thinking. It’s how genius I am to pay just a dollar for a bunny ears headband I got at Dollar Tree and putting it on my winter-themed Snoopy, which is better than me spending $18 for a Easter-themed Snoopy at TJ Maxx that I’ll only bring out once a year. At least keeping winter Snoopy for a little longer gives it more than one purpose!

Happy Easter and Happy “Friday” to me!

Luck Of My Tummy

It’s Hump Day, and it’s also St. Patrick’s Day. I’m not a tenth Irish, but I’m sure I slept with someone of Irish descent in the past. So how did I celebrate this day? With the best thing to celebrate a holiday (besides gifts): FOOD! In this case, most of it homemade.

I planned on making a St. Patty’s Day feast for one. Bought my corned beef, the veggies to cook with the corned beef…and that was it. I didn’t need to have the whole she-bang and get other foods like Irish Bangers and stuff to make Shepherd’s Pie. But it was only until late last night after all the grocery stores closed did I realize two things: I also wanted Irish soda bread, and I found out that Krispy Kreme was giving away free green donuts to anyone wearing green. Wednesdays are usually stay-at-home days for me, but I was not going to pass up the offer of getting me a free green donut!

First, though, the Irish soda bread. I saw it going for $4 at Trader Joe’s, and I initially kicked myself for not buying it yesterday. Then I saw a recipe for it. *gasp* I have all those ingredients! I can make it at home! Four bucks saved! And, best of all, it’s a simple dump-and-stir-and-knead recipe. (I get bummed when I see a recipe that requires a stand-alone mixer, as I don’t have one of those things.) Making dat bread was the first thing I did after getting out of bed this morning.

The before pic of the dough…

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And after! This was also my first time making Irish soda bread, and I’m quite impressed with how it turned out.

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Butter this hot slice up! 

Lunch was corned beef with the fixins. Making corned beef was another first for me, unless you count the many times I cooked this version of corned beef in the past. (Hey, that’s some good shit. Still can’t stand the way to open the can, though.) No online recipe this time–I just followed the package instructions. The meat turned out fine, but, in a first for me, a large, warm, juicy, light pink slab didn’t look appealing to me. I wanted to brown that baby. A few minutes of searing it plus some extra salt and pepper and it was lookin’ good (to go in my stomach).

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My St. Patty’s Day bowl! I actually had more bread than pictured (duh). If you’re wondering where the Guinness is at, I worked out before this meal, and I don’t drink alcohol after a workout. That’s how I roll. Plus, I don’t have any Guinness at home.

About those green donuts: I got my freebie! It pays to have some green-colored clothes. I also bought a few more, and the server was nice enough to throw in a free cinnamon sugar donut when they ran out of cake batter donuts. That’s two free donuts!

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Forget recycling and reusing bags–this is THE way to go green! I also like how the frosting of the bottom left donut makes it look marbled. That work of donut art is currently being processed by my digestive system as I type.

Put This On My Face

elf X chipotle

My work day ended abruptly today (thanks to a flat tire that rendered me useless for deliveries), so leave it to this work of art I found on the Reddits to cheer me up. Who knew I’d be attracted to a makeup collab involving Chipotle?! What’s next, a Colourpop collab with Wendy’s? NYX and KFC? Also, I’m getting hungry. Also also, judge away but the Burrito Bowl color story of that eyeshadow palette is calling me. Now, you can look glam by putting Hot Salsa and Fajitas on your eyes!

Yes, I shall buy. No, I’m not doing so just to get that free chips and guac voucher.

I Baked A Thing

In between work, more editing, and figuring out which story to write next, I made some classic comfort food!

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It’s baked homemade macaroni and cheese! (Recipe in the link.) Will this convert me to baking mac & cheese in the oven from now on? Not really. Who knew that a small block of Gruyere cheese (which that mac & cheese recipe calls for) could be costly? Plus, the convenience of making it stove top still can’t be beat. (Boxed mac & cheese gang rise up!)

Because The Way To My Heart Is Through My Stomach

CHOCOLATES!!

It’s that day of love and buying heart-shaped unnecessary shit for your significant other. For me, it’s just another day of work (my Friday, actually), and after work, I’ll be going on a date with that tasty honey above. (Thank you, Macy’s, for selling that shizz and I’m not surprised it’s sold out now.) So I’m not having sapphic times with my boo on Valentine’s night, but devouring a sampler box of finely-made toffee and caramels while watching the same old episodes of The Office and daydreaming about smashing Jim Halpert (yes, he’s hot to me) is the next best thing! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! 

 

Sweeeeeeeets!

While I received some solid gifts this year, let’s be real: the best gifts come from yourself. You know yourself the best, you know? One Xmas gift from me to me this year came in the form of cookies, cookies, and some brownies.

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I usually bake my own cookies and brownies; the prepackaged kinds can be hit or miss with me. But it was hard to turn down a set of gourmet cookies & brownies on sale at Macy’s. Like I was gonna wait for someone to gift this to me. Even the listing says it’s “the perfect gift, especially for yourself.” (They’re kind of right; the real perfect gift for me remains a thousand wishes to all come true. That way I can have 1000 gifts and have things like a billion dollars and endless hump sessions with Adam Driver and Adriana Lima.) I never heard of Salt Of The Earth Bakery before; they’re apparently a gourmet bakery located in Brooklyn, NY. Excuse me for feeling a little fancy for buying gourmet desserts from NYC. 

When I make cookies, they tend to run on the small size. These babies are the size of my palm!   

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This one is The Cookie–a classic chocolate chip sprinkled with some sea salt. Taste is pretty good. I also tried The Wild Oat, since I’ve been craving oatmeal cookies. One thing with oatmeal cookies is that some include chocolate chip in the mix, which is fine but I prefer to have it straight up oatmeal. That one was delish! 

Unlike its cookie sibling, the brownies are regular-sized. 

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I have not made a dent in those ones, but I did sample (and by “sample” I mean devour like a brownie monster) one of The Nutty Ones. When I make my brownies, I prefer some walnuts or pecans in them. Something about a brownie without nuts make them plain. (Yeah, I know–controversial opinion.) I expected The Nutty One to have some nuts in them, but the “nut” part came from some peanut butter mixed in the brownie. Just when I was going to cry “false advertising!” I took a bite of it. They got me with the taste. It was delectable, like what fine champagne streaming down the augmented mounds of an exotic dancer would taste like. 

This set of 20 big-ass cookies and 10 brownies is more than enough to fulfill my cookie and brownie cravings for the next few months. If you’re not near their store in Brooklyn and you’d also like to have a buttload of sweets and earn yourself permanent residency on Diabeetus Island, you can buy the set here or here (though wait till Macy’s has a big sale)!