Tacky Hump Day

nic cage's glam jacket

It may be Thursday in many places now, but it’s still Hump Day in my neck of the woods. And while the days are getting shorter, seeing tacky-as-hell Nicolas Cage’s tacky-as-hell jacket is like experiencing happy sunshine every hour of the day! If a Forever 21 faux leather jacket in Pepto Bismol pink banged a bunch of badges you’d only earn from being in the THOT Scouts of ‘Murica, this would be the result. So, naturally, that jacket (paired with that striped shirt!) is on-brand for Nic.

Also, the image came from a subReddit whose acronym stands for “Awful Taste But Great Execution”, but only stuffy basics who don’t know fashion would find this awful!

GLAMOUR For Your Weekend

Tired of awful news dominating headlines? Worn out from all things politics? Here’s some soothing balm for your eyes, courtesy of today’s birthday lady/fashion icon Bai Ling!!!

Aaaannnnd all Halloween costume contests have just been canceled since no one can top this piece de resistance.

Screen Shot 2020-10-10 at 12.00.45 AM

Not even that cuntbeast Covid can hold back a style goddess!

You may be thinking: there’s more class and fabric in a G-string than what Bai is wearing above. Oh, puh-lease. That G-string would plead and beg to be worn by Miss Ling so it can be seen and be part of fashion history. And I’d bemoan over why Bai has never been on the cover of Vogue and Bazaar, but given some of the no-talent, empty-eyed trash heaps they’ve shamefully given covers to in the past, those rags don’t deserve her greatness!

Happy birthday, Bai!

And On Monday I Smile

While my last post brought out the feels, I’m not one to feel down all the time. Even when times are tough, I try to seek out the positives in life!

So what puts a smile on my face? Well, to name a few…

*Receiving Big Tips!*

Whether they were from my regular spa job (that’s still shut down) or from my current temp delivery job, I’m grateful for those who tip me big. It doesn’t happen often as I’d like, but it’s still appreciated!

*Seeing the Giants win games*

Like they did the past two days! (Note: I can’t find a GIF of one of their recent wins, but a GIF of one of their iconic wins also gives me the happys.) I’m not sure if they’ll make the playoffs, nor am I holding my breath for it. But a win is a win and I’ll take it!

*Watching classic Simpsons episodes*

Ah, to be a pre-teen (and teen) during the Simpsons heyday…

I’d post a clip but I felt GIFs was more approp. (Yes, I know “approp” is not a word!)

*Listening to vintage Mariah & Kylie!*

*Looking at 90s fashions/fashion shows*

You can bring back 90s fashions to the present, but, not sorry to all the young celebs of today, they cannot be served like how dem 90s models & celebs served them! If anything, it should be a federal offense if some basic THOT from today tries to wear a vintage 90s couture piece!

*Beachside drives*

Even better when the sun is out! (Which is a rarity during summer on Bay Area beaches. Damn fog.)

*Pussies!*

These kinds, I mean. (The other kind also makes me smile, albeit lasciviously.)

Mmmm, Cheetos

riri_hb2020

This week’s Hump Day post is brought to you by Rihanna on the September subscriber cover of Harper’s Bizarre (typo and it stays), wearing some designer coat that I’m sure was made from the skins of many Muppet rejects. If you’re wondering about the post title, I cannot be the only one who sees that coat & picture and think “flying processed cheese-dusted puffs!” They take up more space than the head of Miss Ooh Na Na! I’m sure fellow Cheeto hound Britney Spears saw this pic and also thought the same thing.

I like RiRi and the rest of her layout, but I refuse to give props to HB. Especially after all the times they foolishly gave covers to the K-trash, Cardi B Exhausting, and the Hadont sisters. Oh, and there was this criminal act of fuckery that should have caused Diana Vreeland to rise back up from the dead and bitch-slap HB’s delusional AF editor-in-chief (whoever she is/was).  Frankly, if they really wanted to redeem themselves, they could’ve started by using this shot of RiRi for their cover instead:

riri_coolshirt

High heels, diamonds, and sunglasses at night? Helmut Newton would approve. And if you’re wondering what’s in the trash bags, it’s the unsold products of Fist Brown’s latest album & Secondary Reality Show Personality’s “skincare” line (and RiRi’s got many, many more bags of the first two to throw out), as well as what’s left of Drake’s ability to find women 18 and over attractive, and Beyonce’s best weaves (RiRi would keep them but she’s got better taste!).

Swoooooon

Just when this year be cunting (I know it’s not a word but roll with it) hard for the umpteenth time by revealing how much the supposed “Internet’s Boyfriend” enjoys wearing face masks in public (re: not at all), here comes a midriff-baring Venus from the heavens to save the day and salvage the year! Yes, it’s ubermodel/former spouse to an emu/my future wife Irina Shayk struttin’ her stuff in New York, showing the no-mask wearing lessers that you can flaunt hotness and safety. See, Keanu? It’s not that hard!

Look at my lady’s style–the face is in 2020 and the rest is in 1991. Needs some hoop earrings, a large print of Color Me Badd on the shirt, and a Motorola Micro-TAC to replace the hell phone in her hand to complete the throwback, but I still approve (duh)! If there was a Miss Quarantine Universe pageant, Irina would easily snatch the crown with this pic, hands down.

(Update 9/8/20: and yes, this was originally part of the previous post. But after re-reading it–almost two months after I posted it, I know–who was I to lump a masked goddess with that no-mask wearer in one post? Shame on me!)

A Goddess For Your Saturday

I will always adore the eternal goddess known as Iman!! Along with being one of my favorite models who served face, figure, and fashion, I still consider her and Bowie to be my all-time favorite celebrity couple. They had it all: love, beauty, appeal, style…I’ve yet to see a couple from today that comes close to them.

Happy birthday to a true beauty today! (July 25, 1955)

(ETA: and once again, my ass forgot to switch the status from Private to Public.)