My Butterfly Rainbow Hello Kitty Chanteuse!

I needed some eye balm after reading up on Jessica Walter and Beverly Cleary leaving this increasingly-cruel world for heavenly pastures, thus the header pic of today’s birthday queen Mariah Carey. You can say it’s an old pic of her, but you’d be wrong! That’s her, present-day, without a single bit of plastic surgery and photoshop on her. She doesn’t do any of that, sillys! 

It’s also the weekend (also known as two more work days for me), so enjoy some semi-underrated Mimi songs. I know I will! 

 

By the way, if I ever ditch my red hair, it will be for that fabulous shade of light golden brown-blonde like Mimi’s in that Roof video. That hair color is so late 90s, so of course the 90s slut in me adores it. 

Header pic courtesy of dlisted

I <3 JGL

It’s Hump Day, thus my choice of image.

During my middle school years back in the mid-90s, some of my peers would deface the bathroom stall walls by writing “I Love JTT”–as in Jonathan Taylor-Thomas. I saw the appeal but he wasn’t my jam. If I wasn’t an introverted nerd who feared getting into trouble then (I’ve come a looooong way since those days, by the way), I would’ve countered all that JTT love with an “I ❤ JGL” (as in Joseph Gordon-Levitt) scribbled in sharpie. The then-long-haired cutie caught my eye while I was reading some random teen magazine (forgot which one), and a crush was born when I started watching him on 3rd Rock From The Sun. Tommy Solomon doesn’t make me go sploosh like he used to, but I enjoyed watching him blossom into a successful adult actor over the years. Who also managed to, AFAIK, keep a balanced head on his shoulders, which is quite a feat considering his early start in a predatory industry like HoWood. I still can’t forgive him for that time he cut off his long locks in that one 3rd Rock episode years ago, though. Thirteen-year-old me was shattered when I saw that! (I ended up forgiving him in the very next episode, however, because sucker (me) and still cute (him).)

Still, happiest of birthdays to Joe today. (Forty friggin’ years old…I’ve followed the guy since he was 15, and I just sprouted another gray hair from realizing that.) He seems to be one of the few true good guys in his industry, and I hope I did not just jinx his good guy shit with that!

My Boo

I’m about to hit the hay and I hope to wake up to some happy news about the Georgia Senate Runoff elections. Until then, I shall dream of today’s birthday hottie bombshell top member of my fantasy harem Irina Shayk throwing her bikini top on me and then some! (And then I wake up to my body pillow soaked with my slobber, then mope over not having the real thing yet again afterwards.) Happy birthday, Irina!!!

Listening To…(12/18)

One of my music queens, Christina Aguilera! Because it’s her birfday today!! Excuse me while I fangirl!!!

WHY there was no music video for this underrated gem is one of the music industry’s biggest crimes, right up there with allowing Justin Timberdouche to keep making records.

Probably my favorite song from her last album, which, in a just world, should’ve gone quadruple-platinum and topped the charts from debut to end of the year, don’t question me.

Christina X DJ Premier…yaaassss. And the name-dropping of soul and jazz legends always gets me.

If she ever releases another BtB-esque album that’s nothing but jazz and blues influences, I’d buy ALL versions of it–MP3, CD, cassette, 8 track–twenty times for each medium. Since the current music industry would rather hype up forgettable, substance-exempt drivel (I’m not talking about you, Taylor Swift–you’re actually cool in my book) these days, I know all the copies I will buy will be the only sales Xtina will have. 😦

I had to add a fourth song here, not just because Xtina enters her fourth decade today, but this one tune was supposed to be the only song I posted. But posting just one song of one of my music queens on a milestone birthday of hers would’ve been foolish of me! This performance is from 20 years ago so excuse the video quality and her glossy pout beauty in this. It was from VH1’s (then an actual music channel) “Men Strike Back” show, and she was the only female performer in the all-music-dudes lineup. Never mind why, for at the 2:35 mark, she does THAT. If you’re not uplifted after that point in the song, check your pulse!

Also, I miss hair crimps! Ah well, happy fabulous 40th, Christina!!!!

She Betta Work

Can I get a “happy birthday” up in here to gay icon and drag queen legend RuPaul? Yes, I’m aware of some of her faults, and I still side-eye her for allowing problematic scabs Lena Dumham and Nicki Garbaj being judges on Drag Race. But there’s no denying that she has done wonders for the gay community and drag queens both established and aspirational. Plus, I hope to have pins like hers when I’m in my 900s 50s, and she’s made lots of bops over the years, including this underrated jam that screams early 90s eleganza!

Happy birthday, Mama Ru! Birthday dance time!

Party For One

Today is the most under-appreciated international holidays of them all: my birthday. Here’s how it was supposed to go down if there was no evil twunt Covid…

And here’s how my fabulous party is going on right now!

Although in all honesty, the latter has been mostly my typical bday “celebration” when there’s no pandemic. I also go on a vacay during this time, and while I can still do that, I’m not that hard-up for a faraway getaway. Besides, why spend a buttload of dollahs to travel to some fancy city or island and risk getting your ass Covid when you can spend a buttload tens of dollahs shopping online? (Thank you, Sephora, for the early Holiday sale for us Rouge members!)

There’s also marathons of The Office (the old seasons) and Married With Children running right now, so why bother going anywhere. Plus I got stoned last night and so the current mood is “blissfully lazy”. 

Happy birthday to me, bitches. I made my birthday wishes and now I’m gonna cook some lyonnaise to go with my steak meal.

GLAMOUR For Your Weekend

Tired of awful news dominating headlines? Worn out from all things politics? Here’s some soothing balm for your eyes, courtesy of today’s birthday lady/fashion icon Bai Ling!!!

Aaaannnnd all Halloween costume contests have just been canceled since no one can top this piece de resistance.

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Not even that cuntbeast Covid can hold back a style goddess!

You may be thinking: there’s more class and fabric in a G-string than what Bai is wearing above. Oh, puh-lease. That G-string would plead and beg to be worn by Miss Ling so it can be seen and be part of fashion history. And I’d bemoan over why Bai has never been on the cover of Vogue and Bazaar, but given some of the no-talent, empty-eyed trash heaps they’ve shamefully given covers to in the past, those rags don’t deserve her greatness!

Happy birthday, Bai!

Viva La Bellucci

I was gonna post an extensive recap on the recent episode of “This Day in Fuckery”. (It’s on the Real Life Channel and you’re also subscribed to it until you die.) But! I checked out today’s celebrity birthdays, and seeing Monica Bellucci on today’s birthday list made me forget about the nonsense I was about to write in said recap. 

In honor of this goddess’ cake day, here’s a clip of her artfully stripteasing her way into her birthday suit! After yesterday and the junk I saw today, my Bi ass needed some balm for the eyes. I’d bitch about the lack of views this vid has, but I’m guessing that it originally had millions and millions of views, yet those devices must’ve exploded from displaying the searing hotness of La Bellucci, and thus reducing the view count.