My Cousin Rules

Thirty years ago this month, my six-year-old self almost met the Grim Reaper by accidentally falling into the deep end of a pool while on a family vacation in the Philippines. I didn’t know how to swim then. And thanks to that near-death moment, which rendered me a total wuss-ass around deep ends of pools and other bodies of water, I still don’t know how to swim. (I’ll take swim classes one day, I swear.) But you can thank my cousin Sunny for saving me. I guess she saved me right away because I do remember not having to be hospitalized or experiencing anything serious after. Sunny still lives in the Philippines, and if she ever reads this post, I just want to say once again…

I <3 JGL

It’s Hump Day, thus my choice of image.

During my middle school years back in the mid-90s, some of my peers would deface the bathroom stall walls by writing “I Love JTT”–as in Jonathan Taylor-Thomas. I saw the appeal but he wasn’t my jam. If I wasn’t an introverted nerd who feared getting into trouble then (I’ve come a looooong way since those days, by the way), I would’ve countered all that JTT love with an “I ❤ JGL” (as in Joseph Gordon-Levitt) scribbled in sharpie. The then-long-haired cutie caught my eye while I was reading some random teen magazine (forgot which one), and a crush was born when I started watching him on 3rd Rock From The Sun. Tommy Solomon doesn’t make me go sploosh like he used to, but I enjoyed watching him blossom into a successful adult actor over the years. Who also managed to, AFAIK, keep a balanced head on his shoulders, which is quite a feat considering his early start in a predatory industry like HoWood. I still can’t forgive him for that time he cut off his long locks in that one 3rd Rock episode years ago, though. Thirteen-year-old me was shattered when I saw that! (I ended up forgiving him in the very next episode, however, because sucker (me) and still cute (him).)

Still, happiest of birthdays to Joe today. (Forty friggin’ years old…I’ve followed the guy since he was 15, and I just sprouted another gray hair from realizing that.) He seems to be one of the few true good guys in his industry, and I hope I did not just jinx his good guy shit with that!

The Monday Tradition

How I celebrated my one-year anniversary in my apartment…

…which I would have posted on the actual anniversary two weeks ago, but I was busy being a merry maid at home. I always clean and do my laundry on Mondays. (Be jelly of the exciting way I start my “weekend” every week.) Except today because work ended early yesterday and I was able to do my laundry and most of the cleaning shit after work. I’ll clean the rest later. I miss having a lazy Monday.

The Travel Slut Diaries: “NYE 2019”

Since it’s New Year’s Eve and I refuse to go to any parties this year (they’ll still be happening because selfish dumb fucks cannot go extinct, unfortunately), now is a good time to look back at a time when we could all party guilt-free and mask-free. Like last year!

I usually stay home or, if I was feeling spicy, watch the SF fireworks from the Oakland hills for NYE. But last year, I was feeling super-duper spicy, and I had heard of 1920s-themed parties being held for the New Year’s. Y’know, because we were entering the 20s, get it? Anyhoo, some of those parties were either too far or too expensive. Just when I thought I’d resort to watching the SF fireworks from the Oakland hills again while wearing a flapper, I saw an ad for a 1920s themed party being held in Alameda, with tickets going for a reasonable price! It wasn’t held just anywhere in Alameda, but on a huge-ass carrier ship that was used during World War II!

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The ship’s a lot bigger in person than what these pictures illustrate, trust. Also, I used a now-dead phone to take most of these pics, so if they look potato quality to you, well, yeah.

I donned my best 1920s-esque outfit, complete with the feather headband, red lips, and long pearl necklace. What I should have done was brought a long thick coat or wore a gangster suit instead, because when I got up to the flight deck to watch the fireworks, it was EFFING COLD! I survived on personal determination (aka thinking of really warm thoughts) and the want to watch SF fireworks from someplace new.

That fireworks show rocked. It helped that I was listening to Guns & Roses’ “Paradise City” and other 80s/90s rock songs on my headphones when the clock rang midnight. (Hey, I wanted a break from the Big Band music that played on the main party floor.)

The flight deck where I watched the fireworks was also huuuuuge.

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Everyone who attended the party could have easily fit on that deck!

More pics after the cut!

Continue reading “The Travel Slut Diaries: “NYE 2019”” →

Deal Breakers: Revised Edition!

Me sizing up a potential hump mate in 2021 and beyond…

Are you dating anyone right now? Hump Mate: “No”

Are you against all of the following: racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, police brutality, and xenophobia? Hump Mate: “Yeah, of course”

Have you ever partied maskless or/and traveled far and often for your enjoyment during the ongoing pandemic? Hump Mate: *squirms* “Uhhh, umm…”

Me:

The more fools I see acting the fool during this pandemic, the more likely I’m gonna stay single and fapping until I hit the grave.

New Year’s Nail Job

Gotta keep my nails hooked up and glammed out for the New Year’s! Even if I can’t go anywhere outside of work to flaunt the new paint job.

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Excuse my flaky-looking skin, by the way. I have hand eczema and right now it’s awful as being reminded Kirk Cameron still exists.

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The polishes of choice are from Zoya: Alicia on the thumbs, ring, and pinkies, and Bar on the index and middle. Bar is actually more sheer than opaque; I feel like it could be layered atop of another more opaque polish for special shimmery fancy-glammy effect. But it’s quite an eye-catcher on its own, especially when shown in light. Coupled with Alicia’s silver holographic finish, it’s like I got diamonds on mah nails! Now I can ring in 2021 in style! And by “in style” I mean sitting at home on NYE watching The Office reruns while old Wild 94.9 mixes play on low volume on the laptop.

The Travel Slut Diaries

Call me a travel slut. I enjoy taking vacations, whether it’s to places I’ve never been before, cities I haven’t visited in years, or a locale I’ve frequented. The last time I took a trip was over a year ago; I drove through the Central coast, LA, and down to San Diego. (Hey, that sentence rhymes!) Obviously, I’m not going to break that drought now since I care about the health of others and myself. But I can always look back on some of my past vacations. My travel slut diary is now open for you all. I’m not gonna post that trip I took last year, but a birthday vacay to LA seven years ago.

First off, after looking through old pics of this trip, I realized two things. 1) I kinda miss my old head of black hair. 2) I’m still in awe over how I was able to afford a small place in the HoWood Hills that costed me $1700/week. If you’re side-eyeing my ass for why I’d spend that much for a vacay home for only a week, HERE is what justifies my purchase!

Views, views, VIEWS!!! I’m also a view slut, and if I can have killer views from my vacation home, I will have it no matter the price tag! OK, the price does matter but considering the surrounding properties in the neighborhood I stayed in (again, this is HoWood Hills and I’m sure some of my neighbors were rich-bitch celebs or drug lords hiding from the feds), $1700 a week was a bargain. And it was not a cheapo, shoddy shoebox I lived in–it was a home away from home, but pinkies-out fancy!

The owners of this place allowed me to bring my Wii console. On the very rare occasions I got tired of lounging on the balcony, I played Mario Kart!

But if I could move that TV out to the balcony so I could play the Wii against a fantabulous backdrop, I would have. At least I got to dine al fresco. No better place to enjoy some BBQ!

And blow out the candles when the calendar landed on my special day!

And you best believe I did my fair share of sunbathing on dat balcony. Nope, I’m not sharing pics of me sunbathing here.

I got more pics after the jump!

Continue reading “The Travel Slut Diaries” →

Feast Your Eyes On My Feast

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Seven-pound turkey breast from Target: $7. Jumbo biscuits-in-a-can from Winco that I’ve had in my fridge for months: $1.39. My electric bill for this month after cooking this: $50-something bucks, I think. A satiated belly after eating all dis: priceless!!

Also, if you guessed the pumpkin pie being the only homemade item in this Tanksgivin’ spread, come on down to get your virtual high-five. After seeing this recipe on it, and being able to snag the very last can of canned pumpkin mush at Target, I chose to save a few bucks and make the pie myself. The crust is the only thing that was store-bought. I think it turned out well!

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Since the Trader Joe’s Cocoa Cream liqueur is coursing through my body as I type (that drink is the tits, by the way), I’ll keep it brief and coherent as possible on my list on things I’m thankful for this year:

–didn’t get Covid (and I hope I didn’t jinx myself with this!)

–all of the essential and healthcare workers who worked their asses off and had to deal with bitch-ass Karens during the pandemic

–was able to get a good-paying temp job when my regular job closed down earlier this year

—got my own place again after years of rooming with others!

—November 7, 2020

–all those who voted to make November 7th a happy day

–L’Oreal’s HiColor HiLights in Red, for turning me into a redhead

–the living goddesses simply known as Dolly and Kylie!

–my boo Irina Shayk (AFAIK and I don’t feel like fact-checking it right now) is still single!!!

Party For One

Today is the most under-appreciated international holidays of them all: my birthday. Here’s how it was supposed to go down if there was no evil twunt Covid…

And here’s how my fabulous party is going on right now!

Although in all honesty, the latter has been mostly my typical bday “celebration” when there’s no pandemic. I also go on a vacay during this time, and while I can still do that, I’m not that hard-up for a faraway getaway. Besides, why spend a buttload of dollahs to travel to some fancy city or island and risk getting your ass Covid when you can spend ~~a buttload~~ tens of dollahs shopping online? (Thank you, Sephora, for the early Holiday sale for us Rouge members!)

There’s also marathons of The Office (the old seasons) and Married With Children running right now, so why bother going anywhere. Plus I got stoned last night and so the current mood is “blissfully lazy”.

Happy birthday to me, bitches. I made my birthday wishes and now I’m gonna cook some lyonnaise to go with my steak meal.

It’s Scorpio Season!

Yes, I know I haven’t posted anything in over a week. Still working the temp job (though I may return to my regular job soon), and still editing my story (while also coming up with ideas for my next story).

Anyhoo-hoo, let’s celebrate the start of the bestest zodiac sign of them all* with this meme that is accurate AF!

*I know it’s the bestest sign of them all because I am a Scorpio myself! Scorp Gang rise up!! (Except Wheelchair Jimmy, Orange Hitler’s favorite daughter Complicit Barbie, psycho bitch-ass Roseanne, Anna Wintour and her tragic hairdo that’s as ancient as her, anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy, and Pimp Mama Kris Kartrashian and her wooden-faced crotchfruit that “models”–you disgraces aren’t allowed to sit with us.)