A Gorgeous And Poetic Start

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No April Fools joke–that April 2021 cover of UK Vogue is giving me LIFE. (There are three other covers for their April issue, all of them equally vibrant.) That’s the magic of Meisel, who shot the covers and is giving me 1960s-era Avedon vibes with the image. Also, OMG a smiling woman with life in her eyes on the cover! Bored faces and drowsy eyes be damned! Why US Vogue isn’t fashun as their UK sister is not a mystery: that out-of-touch fossil Anna Wintour is still its cryptkeeper-in-chief. 

It’s also the start of the baseball season and National Poetry Month. I’d post a baseball poem, but they all bored me and these lines from the OG Queen of Quip Dorothy Parker was hard to pass up. 

That’s right! 

 

My Butterfly Rainbow Hello Kitty Chanteuse!

I needed some eye balm after reading up on Jessica Walter and Beverly Cleary leaving this increasingly-cruel world for heavenly pastures, thus the header pic of today’s birthday queen Mariah Carey. You can say it’s an old pic of her, but you’d be wrong! That’s her, present-day, without a single bit of plastic surgery and photoshop on her. She doesn’t do any of that, sillys! 

It’s also the weekend (also known as two more work days for me), so enjoy some semi-underrated Mimi songs. I know I will! 

 

By the way, if I ever ditch my red hair, it will be for that fabulous shade of light golden brown-blonde like Mimi’s in that Roof video. That hair color is so late 90s, so of course the 90s slut in me adores it. 

Header pic courtesy of dlisted

That Just Means I Have Impeccable Taste

Me whenever I’m reading some post on beauty/skincare products and the name “Kylie” gets mentioned often (without a last name, I should add) and this is who pops in my head:

I’m all, did one of my queens also release some skincare stuff? For all I care, she could put out a chocolate-scented glitter facial mask and all it would do is leave my face a sparkling mess and smelling like a Hershey’s morsel, and I’d still buy those masks by the dozen because that’s how I’d support the REAL Kylie!

I Write Too Much

When I did my final word count on my “soon-to-be-released” novel and find out that it’s 165K+ words…

Yes, I write a lot. And a buttload of words in a novel is fine…if you’re an established writer. (Or so a bunch of writing websites tell me.) I–a first-time novelist–am tempted to nurture the rule-breaker in me and just put it out with its original word count. But, to be on the safe side, I’ll keep a copy of the long version and go do a big trim job on my story. That still needs artwork and e-pub formatting and all that jazz. Le sigh. 

 

And On Tuesday I Say…

…as of 2:15PM my time, I’M FULLY VACCINATED!!

Those two weeks of waiting for the Covid vaccine to fully kick in got me kind of anxious, though. Like, worrying if the wind would blow a new strain of The Rona onto me on the off-chance I had my mask off while taking a walk outside, thus ruining me and the vaccine’s efficiency. (For the record, I take the mask off when there’s no one nearby.) But now that I’m fully protected (or so the CDC says), I am so gonna live it up like a validation-starved influencer and get my free donut at Krispy Kreme! (What, did you expect me to go party in crowds again?) Fuck yeah, living! 

The Travel Slut Diaries: Snow!!!

Happy 1st Day of Spring. Let’s talk snow!

A couple days ago, my phone pushed some notification showing me where I was two years ago. My stalker phone is such a creep! It showed that I visited the Sierras then. What was I doing there? I wanted to see snow, of course!

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At the time, I lived a little “closer” to the Sierras. Like, 116 miles closer to snow land, and in an area where snow never falls in the winter. (The Bay Area and most of CA have a different set of seasons than other regions.) Once in a while, I’d be itching to go have some real winter fun and enjoy some snow. Rainy winters are a bore–happens every winter here–and it’s no fun making mud angels (not even when you’re stoned–I tried).

I drove up to the Sierras on a day where it wouldn’t be too cold (haha on me–it was still colder than I thought) and I wouldn’t need tire chains. As I trekked up Highway 80, I’d see the elevation rise and the outdoor temperature drop. For a while I didn’t see any snow. Only until I reached Blue Canyon did I hit pay dirt snow!

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Prior to this trip, the last time I got to see snow was in that wretched year known as 2016. I savored playing in that snow like I was a kid all over again. I avoided licking posts, of course.

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A little snow cave! Those chairs were chillin’–literally! Spotted at the Sierra Woods Lodge. 

The sights were also enchanting!

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Side note: I risked my shit by taking this pic with my clunky camera while driving. There is a stretch of Hwy 80 where you see this gorgeous mountain range in full view, and I did not want to pass up capturing this image! 

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I live a lot further from the Sierras now, which is one reason why I haven’t driven up there since. I can see some snow on the tips of Mt. Diablo from home when it gets really cold here. I’m still a warm weather chick and there’s no way I’d want to live in or even near a snowy region full-time. Snow’s a welcome change of scenery, nonetheless.

And some of you may be thinking that a day in the snow is nothing special, because you live it every day when it’s effing cold. I got news for you: I don’t get this privilege! Not even every year! And I have to drive far and risk icy roads for it!

My Kind Of Eye Bleach

After straining my eyes from digging up all those links in my last rant, looking at my bank account to see if I got my stimulus payment (which I did not), and seeing more posts on despicable violence against Asians (just…why?) and another mention of my state governor being “recalled” (it’s not gonna happen, idiots), I need eye bleach. Some turn to adorable animals, but I’m feeling for vintage HIGH GLAMOUR. Enter the work of Mario Casilli!

It’s currently a cool 61 degrees where I live, and these images alone have me fanning myself. I LIVE for that campy 80s glamour, and Casilli captured it brilliantly.

All pics courtesy of this site that will bombard you with captures of vintage fabulousness. 

Trash Vs. Trash

Welcome to UTF (Ultimate Twunt Fight), March 2021 edition! In one corner, we have a hypocritical meatsac sorry excuse of a human being who enjoys jacking off the smooth brains who worship Orange Hitler. In the other corner, we have some hoodrat (who also “raps”, I guess), who’s really trying to make us forget that she threw parties during a pandemic, admitted to drugging and robbing men during her stripper days, and also did this trashy ho shit (which is par for the course for her). All over a whack song I will never listen to because my time and ears are precious, and I’m also a demure lady.

Place your bets, people! Fair warning: no matter who you root for, you lose either way! Because while fascism-loving opportunists are one of the things ruining this country, ignorant, selfish assholes (and the ones who blindly celebrate them) who can’t do anything better than skank out every time are also to blame. 

Yeah, yeah, I know I adore some celebs who’ve been trashy at times. But compared to Crappi B, my faves are pure-as-snow saints. 

Also, the hell happened to Dlisted these days?