Not me, of course. I refuse to chop off my long red locks. I have bills to pay.
Who knew that 2020 would not just take away a bunch of cool celebrities (boo) and selfish anti-mask choads (yay!), but also Keanu’s hair and beard?!
Buzzcut Neo is back on the menu! Now if only he can add a face mask to it. Come on, NuNu. You may look good at 490 years old but strange things really are afoot at the Circle K these days when crazy ass Nic Cage is besting you in the face mask scoreboard!
As many of you know, Nor-Cal is currently a literal hell on earth, and it’s not just anti-mask Karens and fans of the Paul brothers that live in the region making it so. This past week, we’ve had temperatures in the infernos (and, yes, I had to work during some of those days, so that was fun no it fucking wasn’t), and everyone knows that hot-ass temps plus dry-ass grassland equals California’s third season: Fire. Having lived in Nor-Cal all of my life, Fire season usually starts in October, but this being 2020, it came early this year. (On a personal note: my town is not affected, thankfully, but I used to live in one of the cities just a year ago that has gotten hit hard with those bitch fires.)
And what does one do when they choose to stay home despite evacuation notices, and the fire is nearing their home but the water is shut off? You turn to beer, duh! At least the dude in this vid did.
I’m wagering tree-fiddy that Budweiser’s CEO gave themselves a celebratory beer shower after seeing that vid, knowing that their unflushed toilet water they call light beer serves another useful purpose besides making Coors Light more palatable. And if that guy can save his home with just a case of beer, imagine what more he could have saved if he had a truckload of the stuff! If Smokey The Bear has to be retired, the Wildfire Prevention Campaign should bring on the Bud Light Fireman to replace him. The updated slogan would at least be more fun: “only you can prevent fires…with beer!”
(On a snark-free note: shout out to all the first responders and firefighters battling the fires in my state. You all kick ass!)
Me right now while skimming the updates on the whole Jizzlane Maxwell-Jeff “Did Not Kill Himself” Epstein mega expose, which you can read here and here (just keep refreshing that last link but also take some posts there with a grain of salt because it’s an effin’ gossip site):
I say “skimming” because I read (or tried to fully read) one of the incidents, and I instantly had to go look at pics of some kittens because I needed the eye bleach. (It’s also late night in my neck of the woods right now and I still have a story to edit so I ain’t got time to read all that shit.) “Graphic” has a new definition and it’s those documents.
Praise the good Karen! The kind that will leave a 1-star review while wishing she could leave no stars for Police Brutality on Yelp.
Side note: I’ve seen some images from the riots in Minneapolis, and, whoo, shit is serious. To those that are out there, stay safe. (Except you racists and Chump supporters–y’all can jump in those fires.)