Happy Monday

That “Bernie Sanders sitting with mittens” meme is getting played out as I type, but this version tickles me! So that’s what got LeBron’s attention in the beginning; he was looking at Benny Sanders!

I’d request for Gritty to get on that meme train while it’s still hot, but he’s more likely to eat his face mask and the mittens (seasoned with hot sauce because this is Gritty we’re talking about here) before continuing to terrorize Penguins fans.

Farewell, Hammerin’ Hank

I know I’m over a day late in this (I had to deal with some unexpected shit yesterday when the news broke), but better late than never when it comes to paying respects to Hall of Famer, baseball/sports legend, and civil rights advocate Hank Aaron.

Ryan S. Clark of The Athletic and his take on Aaron’s career and legacy is miles better than what I would’ve said (because, I’ll admit, I haven’t fully followed his story outside his home run milestone):

…Many of us never saw Aaron hit a home run in person. We did not need to see that to fully appreciate and understand his legacy. Aaron was a Black man who made people feel threatened as he closed in on surpassing the shiny piece of Americana who was Babe Ruth as the greatest to ever hit a baseball over a fence. It all comes back to the fact that Aaron was unfairly vilified for simply living and working while Black, something that still goes on today…

…Hank Aaron had to be perfect. He had to do everything right with the idea that for some, he’d still be in the wrong. Even with that, there was a regality to his approach. It was knowing he always had to be “on” even when he had every right to not be. Yes, we celebrate the records and winning, but it was his dignity that made him so inspiring…You think, “He dealt with so much worse and did it with strength. Why can’t I?”…

Keep hammering those homers in heaven, Hank! You will be sorely missed.

Wang On My Mind

This week’s Hump Day is brought to you by the big schlong of superstar hockey goalie and long-time panty creamer of mine Henrik Lundqvist! Yes, you read that right! And, yes, this news is a few years old (and I discovered that gem after reading this recent post on teh Reddits), but it’s still a lot more interesting and pleasing to the eye than hearing about some smooth-brained celeb throwing a big Thanksgiving party during a damn pandemic.

Sadly, there aren’t any pictures of his hockey stick floating around the webs, but take former teammate Sean Avery’s word for it:

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Yes, I’m aware that Avery can be cray, but if he was honest enough to call his former nemesis Martin Brodeur a “fatso”, he wouldn’t lie about Hank’s wang! (Side note: I’m curious over what the next paragraph reads. Does it go into more detail about his peen?! Now I need to read Sean’s book!) And I’m sure athletes see a lot in locker rooms, and sometimes we’re lucky to get sneak peeks inside! For those who don’t follow hockey or/and sports, first up, you are missing out. And second, this is Henrik…

henrik-lundqvist-sexy (1)henrik with dog

I’ll let you finish cleaning up your genital slobber. Now picture him with a hole-wrecker and me all up on it that would make the peens of Jon Hamm and Idris Elba a little jelly. I’m not a size queen, but that’s an image that hits my five-hole.

Also, TIL that Wang also means “king” in Mandarin Chinese, and Lundqvist’s nickname is “King Henrik”, so the post title works two ways!

Ten Years Ago…

OK I’m a day late with this, but I remember where I was when this went down! And where I was happened to be at home in my former hometown, with my former roommate who didn’t give a shit about baseball so it was just me and my cat (RIP Friskie) celebrating the beginning of the greatest baseball dynasty of the 2010s! And if you think I’m spewing hyperbole, MLB Network has my back! 

About That World Series…

This baseball season was basura anyway, thanks to Covid, the Giants fucking up in the end, and that booger commissioner who thought the Houston Trash Can Bangers did nothing wrong and let all their players play till the end.

I am a little happy for Kershaw and the REAL face of baseball winning a ring, though! I’m also embarrassed by some Giants fans on Reddit right now. How the hell do you explain this shit? Goodness.

That said, let the Doggers and their humble fans be happy for finally killing off those fun 1988 jokes us Giants fans used to taunt them when they flopped badly in the playoffs the past seven seasons. It was a hard-fought season for them, with a shortened schedule, players opting out, and no cross-country traveling. I’m sure their fans are living it up around Chavez Ravine right now and hopefully they’re keeping distance and wearing masks. I know the last time Giants fans won the whole thing, us fans got to party hard with random strangers till the break of dawn without worrying about catching a serious disease because, you know, there was no pandemic at the time. We also had a parade right after and got to see the pretty faces of our champions, including three-time World Series winner and legend Madison Bumgarner, who I’m thankful was never pulled out of that Game 7.

Lest you think I’m gloating over past successes, the Bums will get a parade–just not right now. It’ll happen when Covid leaves. And yay for LA for being Title Town of the Year…but remember who did that before them!

Oh, and manager of the Rays…the best paper bags to hide your head in are at Sprouts.

Update: I prefer winners who don’t act irresponsibly during a pandemic. Geez, Dodgers.

Happy Monday

What do you do when your sports team wins a championship and you want to party with the crowds but also want to stay safe during a global pandemic? Channel your inner Bubble Boy and party on!* 

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Also, congrats to the Lakers! They were the first bouncyball team I got into. I’ll admit: I don’t stan for them anymore like I used to, and I got accustomed to the successes of Bay Area sports during the 2010s that my love for the Lakers over time had, like LeBron’s hairline, receded. But I can definitely light a celebratory blunt (I prefer to get high over drunk) for the purple and gold reaching the mountaintop again. Kobe would be proud. 

*But seriously why the hell do you want to party with a big-ass crowd of strangers during a bloody pandemic just ’cause your team won a championship?! Stop making this state look like Florida west, Laker fans! Stay the fuck home and party with yourself or your friends. 

Tweet came from here (Also, Yahoo’s webpages suuuuuuck.)

Mini-Rant of the Day

Ya know, if Major League Baseball had a competent commissioner, cheaters would be banned from the playoffs for a certain amount of years no matter what their regular-season record is. And, as a result, the MLB playoffs would at least be enjoyable to watch. (Even if my team isn’t in it due to some horse poo that happened at the end of their season.)

This mini-rant came from this. *sighs for the A’s*

Respect

Who gives a shit about the deranged cokeheads at some summit of supreme evil cunts or who Brad Pitt is boning right now. From CBS Sports:

The NBA has announced that all three playoff games Wednesday will be postponed and rescheduled. The decision comes after the Milwaukee Bucks players did not take the court for Game 5 of their first-round series against the Orlando Magic, which was supposed to tip off at 4 p.m. ET. The protest comes in response to the shooting of an unarmed black man named Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin, on Sunday. Shortly after the Bucks made a statement by not playing, the Rockets and Thunder decided to also not play today, as well as the Lakers and Trail Blazers...

And also…

After the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks refused to play their Wednesday afternoon playoff game in protest of a recent shooting by police in Kenosha, Wisconsin, the Brewers have joined them by deciding as a team not to take the field on Wednesday night, per Jared Diamond of the Wall Street Journal. The Brewers had been scheduled to play the Reds at home at 8:10 p.m. ET. Also according to Diamond, the Reds have agreed not to play, which means the Brewers will not be forced to forfeit the game...

Much respect to these teams standing up to the ongoing racial injustice in this country.

Also, the speeches given by Doc Rivers yesterday (yes, he does take off his mask in the vid but this is one of the very few times I’ll allow it!) and Chris Webber today deserve a listen.

Happy Slutty Monday

I almost went with posting just the first bit below, but I recently discovered the second part (via Reddit, of course), and it was too good to pass up! Double your pleasure today!

One of my favorite time-wasters is browsing through ooooooold Dlisted posts (which were a LOT funnier than what I read from that site these days). In doing so, I stumbled upon this vintage jewel of tender affection in need of requite:

the rimjob of your life!

You know you’re taking Slut Life to the next level when your choice of salad-tossing music is the rimjob-friendly vocals of Lionel Ritchie. And seeing that this ad is now 10 years old, I hope the ass-eating ho in SoHo made her Inception-themed wet dream come true.

Butt I’m also wondering where and what was Gabrielle Union doing 10 years ago…

*********

And, finally, a splooge-blast from the past, courtesy of Mickey Mantle and his favorite Yankee Stadium moment…

mantle_BJ

Wait, wait…dude got sucked off by the entire Yankee bullpen?!?! *reads the second part* Aww, damn. *puts away Freak Of The Week award*
(I am snickering over the “give as much detail…” part, though. Way to set him up, Yankee organization!)

I must give Mantle some slut points for getting a BJ during a game, but I also have to take a few points off for using his pulled groin as an excuse to not going all the way with some baseball trick. A real slut would’ve made NO excuses and gone all the way! Even Lindsay Blohan, who I’m sure hustled with her Johns with blown-out orifices before, is going “tsk-tsk” on “the all-American boy”. Mantle may be a baseball legend, but his ass would not have survived if he had to work the ho stroll.