Eating Like A Winner

There’s supposed to be a picture of my donut & coffee breakfast up there, but I scarfed it all down before I could snap it. I got hungry, honey. I got inspired to have a “winning” breakfast after reading what fuels my baseball team aka the team with the best record (currently) in the league, aka the team that doesn’t get as much love as the Bums and Padres thanks to biased buttmunchers like BSPN and MLB Network, aka the SF Giants, to win games. Not protein drinks or Wheaties or pure Colombian llelo (they’re not the ’86 Mets, now), but donuts!

According to The Athletic, those fried pastries of sugary, frosty, fatty good good could explain why the Giants are kicking ass right now.

Even manager Gabe Kapler, who never met an all-protein meal he didn’t like, understands the power that can be unlocked from a nice cruller or glazed old-fashioned.
“Fuel is very important to us,” Kapler said. “We only want the finest fuel in the bodies of these stallions. So I support doughnuts, particularly when they are of the cake style and even more particularly when they have a nice maple glaze on them and, finally, if they are enjoyed with a hot cup of black coffee.

“When we show up and there’s no doughnuts, it’s like ‘The Walking Dead’ in here,” third baseman Evan Longoria said. “People are zombies. It’s a staple you just expect to be in the clubhouse. Even in the minor leagues, I’ve rarely seen a clubhouse that doesn’t have doughnuts for day games.”

“I can be more of a connoisseur now,” (Giants’ director of team travel Abe) Silvestri said. “To me, it’s the ultimate pregame meal. It’s quick, it is stimulating. And we also take a lot of pride in our coffee situation. So I’d say our success is maybe 60 percent doughnuts, 30 percent coffee and 10 percent for everything else.”

The G-men are no strangers to waistline-expanding cuisine. My former boo Tim Lincecum had a high-calorie In-N-Out feast that would frighten many a nutritionist. Back in 2012, Ryan Vogelsong noshed on chicken enchiladas before he started; two years later, he’d have Super Duper burgers. Even current manager Kapler used to have 40 McNuggets during his college playing days (but took off its breading to make it healthy!).

And if you think the orange-and-black crew’s love for donuts is all for taste, think again!

For pitchers, the doughnut offers certain aesthetic attractions as well.

“Pitchers like foods that are shaped like zeroes,” right-hander Tyler Rogers said.

No, I didn’t get that quote from The Onion.

No Winners Here

Me as an SF Giants fan and seeing some other Giants fans having the audacity to root for a team that cheated during a World Series (and never got punished for it) over their long-time rivals that’s playing the cheaters today:

I get wanting those bums in blue to lose; it’s tradition. But rooting for those cheating bitches?! It’s like deciding which STD you’d rather have. How about considering neither!!!

Fierce!

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This week’s (very late) Happy Monday is brought to you by Hidilyn Diaz, the weightlifter who not only won the very first Olympic gold medal for the country of my ancestors (that would be the Philippines), but is also making the exact same pose there that I made when I got the last box of Twix Ice Cream bars at my local Dollar Tree last week. (Fun fact: she’s also the first female athlete to win an Olympic medal for her country.) Hmmm, now that I think about it, I’m not sure if this really is a Happy Monday post. I mean, I thought I was hot shit when I moved some bookshelves into my home all on my own, but after reading Hidilyn’s recent accomplishments, I’m a super-mega pansy-ass Bieber-fan weakling compared to her! How dare she!

If Hidilyn needs something to do when all this Olympic stuff is over, she’s always welcome to visit the states and throw those sexist gamer trash-heaps of Activision Blizzard into a boiling vat of lye. You know she’s strong enough to carry and throw six of them at a time.

The Travel Slut Diaries: Return To Living! (Pt. 2)

NOTE: this sister entry to this post was supposed to have been finished weeks ago. Turns out completing this post was more time-consuming than I thought it would be. I had to select which of the hundreds of pics I took should be posted, plus all the pics you see here had to be resized, then I have to write up my shit, then edit the shit I wrote, and there were those other things I had called a job and pursuing other interests that kept me from finishing this entry. It’s late as hell, but it’s here. 

 **Originally written May 11th**

I’m fighting off seasonal allergies and listening to the Giants post-game wrap as I type. Costco’s version of Claritin must be finally kicking in since I’m no longer the sneeze machine I was an hour ago (yuck). My team won another game and series today, and, being the needy ho that I am, I still wonder, “why didn’t the Giants win when I was there?!”

Going to a ballpark that’s only a 30-minute drive from home (when traffic is fine on the Bay Bridge) may not be the same as a trip to Santa Cruz. But it’s still a trip for me and it counts as returning to living! Especially when I haven’t been to PacBell AT&T Oracle Park in almost five (!) years. The place, at least from the outside, hasn’t changed. 

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Bask in the ballpark’s magnificence and proud Dodger haters! 

The inside hasn’t changed much, but some things were altered due to the pandemic. I had Club Level seats, and many of the displays found at the Club Level got downsized. For instance, here’s how one display looked like five years ago…

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All that memorabilia, now swapped out for quirky simplicity. 

crazy ass crab

Maybe it could be how I captured this, or my contacts need to be cleaned because that thing looks like a mutated orange wart, not a crab! 

This display was something I didn’t see in my last visit, however…

trophies!

Ah, the Preciouseseses. Ya know, I stood in a long-ass line for hours to see those trophies in person when the team did those trophy tours years ago. 

I walked around the place before getting to my seats. You think I’d be tired from the near-mile I walked from the parking lot to the ballpark. But nope!

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View from the Bleachers–one of the few sections I’ve yet to sit in. 

city views

Even if the outcome of the game wasn’t pretty, that day sure was. 

giants flair

This dude has all the flairs!

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These flags denotes the rankings of the team’s division at the moment, from first to worst. It has never been a personal thing, otherwise the Bums flag would always be at the bottom looking tattered and shit. **Updated 6/6: Giants are still up top and the Bums slipped to third!!**

ballpark view

A lovely view of the park from the Arcade/Promenade. It’s prettier in person! 

Continue reading “The Travel Slut Diaries: Return To Living! (Pt. 2)”

Word Of The Day

OK, that could be my word for any day I come across way too many posts featuring losers that don’t deserve any more attention (like John Legend’s wife). But that word means so much more right now! For instance: Bay Area sports teams today yesterday played like trash, the Warriors and their fans probably feel like trash, and I’m sure MLB Network’s coverage of the Giants-Bums game is gonna be 100% Bums-leaning biased trash, like their trash-ass broadcasters who belong in the trash. Oh, and the cart that I use to transport my massage table broke on me, causing my table to fall, and that was fucking trash! (But I fixed the cart, so take that, Trash Gods!)

Bun Bun!

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While I was enjoying myself in San Jose yesterday, a moment full of “awwww’s” took place at Oracle Park. It wasn’t just the Giants winning the game, it was that adorable bunny making its presence in the stands that night. (Who also made all the human attendees jelly with its warm, thick fur. I’ve attended night games there before, so I know how cold AF it gets.) Alex the Rabbit was not just there to be known as the first bunny to attend a Giants home game, it’s also a therapy bunny for its owner (who’s holding Alex in the pic). No snark–it was truly a hoppy moment!

Pic courtesy of ESPN

And Now For Some Sweet Shade

sidney is hawt

That panty creamer above is NHL hockey superstar Sidney Crosby, whose hotness alone has caused my basement to be flooded many times since I first knew of him 12 years ago. Yeah, he’s also good at the stick-and-puck thing, but I never knew he could be a little shady. Some lesser in the hockey world had the nerve to drag him recently, and a reporter for the Penguins (Sid’s team) picked up this quote from Sid himself who addressed the beef:

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Sid had the opportunity to go full-on Mariah or the Patrick Roy way on that guy, but he’s not really known for being a shady ho. A scoring ho, yes. Nonetheless, it gets a solid 4 out of 5 on the Shade Scale. Tell it, Sidney! *snaps fingers*