Happy Monday

What do you do when your sports team wins a championship and you want to party with the crowds but also want to stay safe during a global pandemic? Channel your inner Bubble Boy and party on!* 

Screen Shot 2020-10-11 at 9.17.51 PM

Also, congrats to the Lakers! They were the first bouncyball team I got into. I’ll admit: I don’t stan for them anymore like I used to, and I got accustomed to the successes of Bay Area sports during the 2010s that my love for the Lakers over time had, like LeBron’s hairline, receded. But I can definitely light a celebratory blunt (I prefer to get high over drunk) for the purple and gold reaching the mountaintop again. Kobe would be proud. 

*But seriously why the hell do you want to party with a big-ass crowd of strangers during a bloody pandemic just ’cause your team won a championship?! Stop making this state look like Florida west, Laker fans! Stay the fuck home and party with yourself or your friends. 

Tweet came from here (Also, Yahoo’s webpages suuuuuuck.)

Mini-Rant of the Day

Ya know, if Major League Baseball had a competent commissioner, cheaters would be banned from the playoffs for a certain amount of years no matter what their regular-season record is. And, as a result, the MLB playoffs would at least be enjoyable to watch. (Even if my team isn’t in it due to some horse poo that happened at the end of their season.)

This mini-rant came from this. *sighs for the A’s*

Respect

Who gives a shit about the deranged cokeheads at some summit of supreme evil cunts or who Brad Pitt is boning right now. From CBS Sports:

The NBA has announced that all three playoff games Wednesday will be postponed and rescheduled. The decision comes after the Milwaukee Bucks players did not take the court for Game 5 of their first-round series against the Orlando Magic, which was supposed to tip off at 4 p.m. ET. The protest comes in response to the shooting of an unarmed black man named Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin, on Sunday. Shortly after the Bucks made a statement by not playing, the Rockets and Thunder decided to also not play today, as well as the Lakers and Trail Blazers...

And also…

After the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks refused to play their Wednesday afternoon playoff game in protest of a recent shooting by police in Kenosha, Wisconsin, the Brewers have joined them by deciding as a team not to take the field on Wednesday night, per Jared Diamond of the Wall Street Journal. The Brewers had been scheduled to play the Reds at home at 8:10 p.m. ET. Also according to Diamond, the Reds have agreed not to play, which means the Brewers will not be forced to forfeit the game...

Much respect to these teams standing up to the ongoing racial injustice in this country.

Also, the speeches given by Doc Rivers yesterday (yes, he does take off his mask in the vid but this is one of the very few times I’ll allow it!) and Chris Webber today deserve a listen.

Happy Slutty Monday

I almost went with posting just the first bit below, but I recently discovered the second part (via Reddit, of course), and it was too good to pass up! Double your pleasure today!

One of my favorite time-wasters is browsing through ooooooold Dlisted posts (which were a LOT funnier than what I read from that site these days). In doing so, I stumbled upon this vintage jewel of tender affection in need of requite:

the rimjob of your life!

You know you’re taking Slut Life to the next level when your choice of salad-tossing music is the rimjob-friendly vocals of Lionel Ritchie. And seeing that this ad is now 10 years old, I hope the ass-eating ho in SoHo made her Inception-themed wet dream come true.

Butt I’m also wondering where and what was Gabrielle Union doing 10 years ago…

*********

And, finally, a splooge-blast from the past, courtesy of Mickey Mantle and his favorite Yankee Stadium moment…

mantle_BJ

Wait, wait…dude got sucked off by the entire Yankee bullpen?!?! *reads the second part* Aww, damn. *puts away Freak Of The Week award*
(I am snickering over the “give as much detail…” part, though. Way to set him up, Yankee organization!)

I must give Mantle some slut points for getting a BJ during a game, but I also have to take a few points off for using his pulled groin as an excuse to not going all the way with some baseball trick. A real slut would’ve made NO excuses and gone all the way! Even Lindsay Blohan, who I’m sure hustled with her Johns with blown-out orifices before, is going “tsk-tsk” on “the all-American boy”. Mantle may be a baseball legend, but his ass would not have survived if he had to work the ho stroll.

The REAL Face of Baseball!

 

 

Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, Jackie Robinson, and Hank Aaron (these are all baseball players, for those who don’t do sports, by the way) may all be Baseball Hall-of-Famers and faces of the league during their respective primes. But I bet a bag of stadium peanuts that none of them gave impeccable stank face to a player of the opposing team like Dodgers’ relief pitcher Joe Kelly! That face is me (pre face-mask days) when I witness some basics wearing frayed skinny pants, with their dead eyes glued to their cell phones. That face is me when I see people dancing to the aural abomination known as autotuned mumble rap. And that face is most definitely me when I muffin top my favorite pair of jeans. Seriously, Joe Kelly’s stank face is the face MLB should adopt to represent the league today. A mug of the people! Mike Trout better step up his relatable mug game quick. Also, this is probably the one and only time I’m not mad someone isn’t wearing a face mask. (Stupid Covid–go be eradicated now!)

That that touching gesture of bitter bitchiness was directed against some player of the team that cheated to win the World Series against their team (and starting a bench-clearing incident afterwards, which would’ve been a brawl if there was no pandemic going on) makes this grand. That Joe also served more face in that six-second GIF than Hailey Blahwin-Bieber has done in her entire “modeling” career is also boss. And you know 2020 really has us all in the upside down as it’s got this Giants fan actually liking something from a Dodger player! *gasps*

**Update: apparently Stank Face Kelly got suspended some games for his actions in last night’s game. Meanwhile, none of the *stros have yet to face any suspensions for their cheating ways. Altogether now: WUT.

Baseball Is Back

…and as a fan, I’m ehhhhh about this shortened season of no fans in the stands and the lost chance of the Astros getting their cheating asses booed wherever they go. Can stadiums also add boos and jeers and banging trash can noises to their pre-recorded crowd noises just for the *stros?

However, after seeing this new pic of three-time World Series champion/long-time crush object of mine/dirt bike enthusiast and secret Yasiel Puig admirer Madison Bumgarner, I am aroused!! (Well, just for him–the rest of season, not so much unless my team kicks ass again, which seems to be the case for now.)

As an SF Giants fan, this pic should not arouse me at all. Seeing him in a uniform for a rival division team is a turn-off, though not as much of a turn-off as him wearing–ick–Dodger blue. That’s Elon Muskrat-in-a-bikini-and-Ugg-boots levels of turn-offery. But something about his new thiccness is getting to me. Hey, I’ve been following MadBum since 2010, and he certainly was not FlabBum last year! With baseball players staying home and waiting and waiting and waiting…and waiting for a season start date the past four months, can you blame him for gaining some pudge? Fuck, I had to work this whole time and I gained some pudge, too! (So, yes, just another day in the life of mine.)

Bummy may have sucked in his first outing for the new team he plays for now, and I do hope he repeats that kind of performance whenever he pitches against the Giants. In the meantime, yes, I still would with his new curves and swerves. But swap out that unsightly D’Backs outfit for classic Giants orange-and-black, and you hit my G-spot!

(Side note: I don’t know why the picture is off to the side like how it appears and not centered in the middle like it should be. WordPress has been wonky with the page display–or whatever it’s called–lately.)

That Sunday Feeling

Happy 1st 2nd of February, everyone. Also, Happy Black History Month! NAACP’s website has a good list on how to celebrate BHM. (I cook up #10 every other week, listen to #17 every other day, and if you haven’t done #28, get to it already!)

I’m now at my new place. Moved in yesterday, and holy cow udders I still have a lot to unpack. But, hey, the place is all mine!

Internet connection is limited at the moment. I’m currently relying on a hotspot from my mobile provider that unfortunately has a crappy limited cap to my data usage since I haven’t had the time to set up internet service. I won’t be using my hotspot for long because I’m an internet whore and I have more than one device that relies on WiFi. To have me limit my data usage is blasphemy! Shit, I probably am using two gigabytes of data writing this entry, and I only have so much data left! If anyone knows a provider that’s not Comcast (or Comcast-related) and is no-contract, message me and I’ll see if they service my area.

The only message that matters today (if you’re a Bay Area sports fan):

And I haven’t yet set up my TV! And I also need reliable internet to watch TV! Blergh blergh.

ETA: D’OH! Well, back to hockey.