Rants & Raves 6/23

UPDATE 6/28/22: this was meant to have been published the night of June 23rd, but I wasn’t able to. I thought I’d post this on 6/24, and then it became the crappiest Friday I’ve lived through so far. So here’s the original post, five days after it was supposed to go live.

I didn’t watch the NBA Draft but I’m soooo here for the lewks of top draft pick Paolo Banchero and #17th draftee Tari Eason. Paolo is serving up a getup that Prince maybe would approve (dude needs more eyeliner, frilly ruffles in his shirt, and switch out the shoes for fuck-me boots), and Tari is giving me secret service protection from getting shot and pinched on St. Patrick’s Day realness.

Hero Parent Worship Season is over, but now we’ve entered the season of fireworks going off for no good reason at 2AM, preventable heat stroke cases skyrocketing up the ass (hydrate, bitches!), and stores oblivious to the ongoing woes of this godforsaken country audaciously marketing red, white, and blue nonsense up front whilst all the “love-is-love” rainbowed merchandise for this very Pride month is modestly displayed somewhere in the back. *cough*HomeGoods*cough*

An unhinged bitch keeps on being an unhinged bitch, a popular soccer player is off the hook after admitting rape, and both still aren’t (and likely won’t be) getting the same amount of vitriol and unflattering memes on them as social media’s reigning “public enemy #1”. Gee, I wonder why.

An underrated tragedy: abused women, who have harassed and denied the truth of another abused woman, who aren’t being believed when they share their own stories. Something something leopards ate their faces.

By the way, why on earth are they called Men’s Rights Activists? Those types tend to be pathetic-defining, empathy-exempt, missed abortions who need to touch grass last week aka incels, and actual real men wouldn’t be part of such a foul group. How about calling them Assholes’ Rights Activists instead? The ones who default to the dumbass notion that all “men” are perfect angels no matter what, and strong, independent women are more evil than Hitler. They’re an ARA! Don’t be one or support one, either.

Damn Fool alert: seeing a CA resident with a CA license plate with a bumper sticker saying how our governor sucks. Bruh, if you don’t like him, I’m sure there are other states that have your dream governor. Like Florida or Texas. (Types with that bumper sticker tend to lean on that side of the political spectrum, sadly.)

Never ever trust a gossip site that refers TikTokkers as “stars” *gags*, fosters comments from Q-nuts, and bans commenters who dare speak out against a site moderator’s fave celeb.

Also, never trust a frequent Reddit poster who says things (or makes low-effort memes) about their “wife” or “girlfriend”. It’s a Reddit poster; they’re likely 15, a try-hard virgin (a try-hard is far worse than a virgin, by the way), who can never leave the house outside of school and is too shy to speak to anyone while at school, thus can never get a girl.

And speaking of Reddit (I know), Internet Comment Of The Day! (And there’s more gold in that thread! The comments there are giving me vintage Dlisted vibes, and I am here for it.)

Parade Time!

I’m insane.

OK, maybe you already knew that from some of my previous entries here, but hear me out. Today was my day off, and the past few days I debated with mahself on whether or not I should go to this year’s Warriors Championship parade. I didn’t go to their first three parades (shocker, I know), and that all happened in Oakland closer to home when there was no pandemic. Risking my ass to Covid thanks to the potential big-ass unmasked crowds was the main reason why I initially was hesitant to go. When I woke up this morning, I had a choice to do one of two things: play with the Lelo, or suit up to go to a parade on the fly.

My decision was made!

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The Dubs Big 3: Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, and Draymond Green (with others)

Hey, I’ll always have Lelo at home, and Covid can’t stop my ass as long as I got a mask. (In my case, I double-masked and kept it on the whole time.) I can’t always experience a parade, and the last parade I went to was the SF Pride parade back in 2019. (The last sports one was for the Giants championship 10 years ago!) I didn’t have to wake up early to see the players, and though the trade-off was being ten deep in the crowd, the camera zoom on my Galaxy S21 Ultra (and the players being on buses AND the guy standing next to me who occasionally allowed me to stand on his step stool) made up for it.

You know what was wild, though? I don’t know who decided to take out the barricades off Market Street, but the parade wasn’t even over when they were taken out. That meant a lot of crazy-ass Warriors fans spilling out onto the parade route and walking with parade sponsors like the BART train.

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Yes, I was one of those crazy asses (not pictured), too. But it’s not everyday you get to walk the exact same path as Curry and Thompson did minutes before you. In a way, I was part of the Warriors parade!! I can’t say the same thing about the Giants parades I went to!

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This should’ve been posted earlier today, but I went on a long day trip yesterday, then watched the Warriors win their fourth championship in eight years by sneaking into a bar (I was only there for a couple minutes and no one bothered me), celebrated another Bay Area sports win in the most Bay Area way possible (with weed), woke up late today thanks to the weed, then drove around town trying to look for that paper above, finally succeeding at the Safeway in Clayton. (All the other Safeways near me sold out of that paper!) I’m now home and this lemon ginger tea I’m having never tasted better.

A Perfect Anniversary!

Has it really been TEN effing years since this game?!

I was at work, less than a year into my massage career. Only until I was done with the work day did I hear via radio that a perfecto was achieved at then-AT&T Park, by none other than SF Giants FOREVER LEGEND Matt Cain. And he pitched against those future trash can beaters to boot! To this day, that game remains the lone Perfect game in Giants’ franchise history (they’ve had plenty of no-hitters, however). And TIL via the Wiki that it’s been 10 years since the last-ever Perfect game. To the current MLB players: step up your shit. I wanna see another perfecto! (As long as it’s not done by the Bums against my team.)

Bonus footage on Cain’s Perfecto:

A trivial-as-hell side note: some people online were celebrating this anniversary yesterday. Unless if they were in a time zone where it was June 13th at their place when they posted, why on earth would they celebrate the anniversary the day before its actual date? *smh*

Take The Good With The Bad

Warriors winning tonight: yaaaaaaassssss

Realizing that tonight is also the last night of Inside The NBA for this season and it’s Corporate Boredom Limpdick City aka ABC/BSPN broadcasting from here on out:

Obligatory “if only Inside The NBA/TNT covered the NBA Finals” (which I don’t think they ever will but hey a chick can dream)

ETA: to those choads who were throwing stuff at the Inside crew after tonight’s game: you are what you were throwing at them–cheap trash. Just straight-up embarrassing.

Happy Assiversary

I was reading the archives of Dlisted to remind me of how fun both celeb gossip and that website used to be (sorry, Michael K, but it had to be said), and while seeing what was posted 10 years ago today, I came across some ass. No, not some story on Jimmy Fallon, but an actual ass (who was also Dlisted’s Hot Slut of the Day), flaunted by a Bums fan at a Bums home game to…a Bums pitcher?!

It happened to be at a game that saw the debut of then-rookie/current MVP Bryce Harper, and you don’t get any more Dodgers than one of their fans mooning the pitcher of their team. It’s one thing when I flaunted cleavage at a Giants home game when both Madison Bumgarner and Jacob DeGrom (when he had the lovely long locks) were pitching, but it wasn’t out of distraction as it was ho-ing myself and showing my thirst for hot star pitchers. Maybe that was the actual intention of that mooner, but we’ll never know.

Pic courtesy of Dlisted

A True King

Happiest of birthdays today to NBA Hall of Famer, sports legend, author, actor, social activist, and truth bomb thrower Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! My 2nd best NBA player of all-time (don’t get me started on that list). I had a chance to see him when he did an event at the Lesher Center a couple months ago, but damn that I had to work that day! I hope there will be a next time (I make an effort to see my legends), but until then, I’ll always have those 80s Laker games and, of course, this: