Those Bitches!

A new month, a new batch of bitches for the chopping block. 

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If the fuckery on June 30th didn’t boggle your mind, here’s what us Californians with a brain now have to deal with. This waste-of-time-and-money has been hyped for a year now, started by ass-backward wacko fucks who don’t want to move to another state that would better suit their political and social needs. (I’m sure I’ve seen some of them last fall up on that El Curtola overpass in Lafayette protesting the election results–maskless, naturally–with their signs saying “Bring Back 1776” or some dumbass shit like that.) You know they’re wacko fucks when, despite our governor doing this and this recently and presiding over a state with the country’s top economy, they still want him out. Ask them why and they’ll likely give you a response as coherent as an ill dog taking a dump. Hey, wacko fucks–there are other states you can move to with governors that I’m sure you’ll admire. Some govern states with high Covid rates since they also think the vaccine and pandemic are hoaxes, or/and have crappy energy infrastructure that will really fuck you up when a freezing cold front hits. But I’m sure you’ll never recall them. 

Gah. Idiots!

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I used to not know this guy. In the Mariah way. If I can’t stand your ass, I prefer to not know you. That’s my congenial nature for ya. So while I witnessed the Giants go on a tragic losing streak this week (I wish I didn’t know this), one of my team’s nemesis got revealed as more than just a try-hard douche bitch. Now I know who Bauer is–a disgusting abusive bitch that needs to be locked up! I’m sure newly-freed Pill Cosby sends his regards to him, though. 

Also, those ingrates saying “BDSM” was involved between him and that woman…yeah, it was “BDSM” in the same vein that 50 Shades was. 

 

Justice For Brit-Brit!

Me after reading Britney’s statement against her indentured servitude to her pimp dad conservatorship

It was relieving to hear the actual Britney and not some PR person masking as her for once. But, wow. She spilled a lot. The backbreaking work schedule forced upon her, the lithium thing, the forced IUD?!?! How could you not get sad and angry over all this? Even if you’re not a fan of her music or think she’s overrated (I’ll spare the side-eyes for now), she is still a human being that doesn’t deserve that shit at all.

My sympathy and support to Brit-Brit is boundless, and I hope she finally gets her way and lives the life she wants. Is that hard to ask?

Also, I see you Timberfake and Lamar Odom’s plastic Sasquatch ex-wife trying to fish for some goodwill in all this with your faux support. STFU and continue to fade into obscurity.

Porn Bans Are Stupid, Part #3267

Porn hoarders on eBay’s Adults Only section all day today before eBay shuts down their Adults Only section forever tomorrow

Also, what the hell, eBay? Banning sales of smut won’t do any good. That they didn’t give a real good reason why (“interest of safety” my grown ass) shows that the move is sus, stupid, and, with their ban on “the nipple/areola of female breasts” when it comes to modeled clothing, ridiculously sexist. So I can no longer buy this tasteful product on eBay but I can still buy Nazi-themed shit?! GTFOH. The ban is very Tumblr-esque, and we all know how Tumblr turned out after they banned adult-themed sites. Aside from potential lost revenue, there’s a good chance smut sellers will get creative. They’ve been innocuously listing vibrators as “holistic massagers” for a while; they’ll probably get around selling dildos as, oh, I dunno, dog toys or something.

And now I’m picturing a dog fetching a 9-inch silicone mold of some porn dude to its human owner. Good boy!

Edit: yes, I changed the post title.

Just Call Me “Boss”, Dammit!

Burn this phrase alive from the modern-day lexicon: “lady boss”. Add “girl boss” and “woman boss” and even “lady pimp” to the heap, and, yes, I’m doing my best not to gag after writing those blasted terms. (I also had a nice pasta dinner hours ago, and I don’t want to retch that up.) For something that’s marketed as “empowering to women”, I die a little inside every time I see something with those damn words on it (hello, decor sections at Home Goods). How’s that for empowerment?! To me, it implies that only men can be bosses and when a woman holds the same position, her gender needs to be noted with her title. Those terms are awful, low-key sexist, and likely started (and admired) by leggings-wearing, wine-chugging Karens who post such idiocy on their Facebook daily after they change their baby Braelynnette’s diaper. Or maybe some out-of-touch old dude started it; either way, it’s all evil. It’s right down there with the equally-demotivating phrase “you (insert verb) like a girl”. You’re not gonna see shit like “man CEO” or “boy boss”, although the more I keep seeing those damn words, maybe those terms need to mentioned more. Come on, Etsy creators–make dat Boy Boss mug! 

If society really wants to push for equality in the workplace, for one, gender stereotypes need to be dropped. Men can be nurses and secretaries, and yet there will still be some whose sad mentalities are stuck in the 1950s who will always view those jobs as something only women do. Women can be bosses and CEOs and, yes, pimps (they’re out there), but you don’t have to add the word “lady” to her title. That’s inane and so 2016, and that year sucked ass. 

Yes, I got sand in my vag over this after seeing Comedy Central’s latest commercial on The Office reruns featuring women in charge. Love The Office, but that commercial was a choice. And, yes, I’m very aware that one of my queens–the late, great Jackie Collins–also wrote a book with those damn words as the title. Coincidentally, that book happens to be my least favorite of the Lucky Santangelo series I’ve read so far (sorry, Jackie). 

Word Of The Day

OK, that could be my word for any day I come across way too many posts featuring losers that don’t deserve any more attention (like John Legend’s wife). But that word means so much more right now! For instance: Bay Area sports teams today yesterday played like trash, the Warriors and their fans probably feel like trash, and I’m sure MLB Network’s coverage of the Giants-Bums game is gonna be 100% Bums-leaning biased trash, like their trash-ass broadcasters who belong in the trash. Oh, and the cart that I use to transport my massage table broke on me, causing my table to fall, and that was fucking trash! (But I fixed the cart, so take that, Trash Gods!)

The Shit I Missed

I had some entries that I was supposed to finish/write up, but Yours Bitchy got busy as of late. (“So what’s new?”–you). I’m also worn out from doing some moving crap (not moving out of my apartment, just moving my stuff out of a storage unit to another), and I’m back to making dat massage money again. So, I’m condensing all the shit I had no time to post about here.

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I had a long unfinished rant about Billie Eyelash’s (typo stays) quick 180 from Hot Topic poster child to bored brothel worker from the 1940s for UK Vogue. Then I realized that editing the word count of my story was the more interesting project to work on. All I will say about her new look and attitude for now is that she’s young, female, and in the music industry. And if you’re familiar with how that industry has done young female artists in the past 20 years, you should know what I’m talking about.

By the way, what is up with some of these chicks and guys today trying to be sexy but looking like the Unisom hasn’t worn off?! There’s a big difference between come-hither and straight-up looking like you need a damn nap. Marilyn Monroe would never.

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I’m bad for being very late in this, but better late than never to say farewell to Tawny Kitaen, who passed away this past weekend. Because I’m familiar with the sophisticated subject matter that is 80s/90s Bombshells, Tawny’s name, even if I go months without hearing about her, rings a bell with me. She was THE hottie for all those Whitesnake videos back in the day, people! Nowadays, chicks get labeled a hottie if they look generically hot and twerk on their TikTok. It remains to be seen if they can live up to Tawny’s legendary video vixen status, however. (spoiler alert: they won’t)

You know that’s also how she made her entrance into the pearly gates above.

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Speaking of unexpected passings (and here’s one for the TMFI files), pour one out for my vibrator. She quit on me at the worst ever possible time while I was using her, and if I have to tell you when that was, well, bless you. I tried recharging it (this was no battery-powered toy here) but to no avail. This is the last time I buy my vibes off of eBay! (I know, I know.)

In happier news, I got tipped a delectable $100 for this couples massage I did recently. (Vibrator-spending money–yay!) This couple is loaded–fancy gated home with a guest house that has three flat-screen TVs (!) in their living room (I know this because that’s where I massaged them) and all that good shit. My experience when it comes to tips from massaging “rich folk” is hit or miss, though. Some tip well, and others are pathetic AF tippers. For the latter, that’s one reason why those rich bitches stay rich. Luckily, the couple I saw was not one of those types.

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In happier news not related to me, my Butterfly Hello Kitty queen got her second shot last week! The Vaccination of Mimi has begun!

It’s That Time Again (Pt. 2)

When it’s Hero Parent Worship Season and you’re bombarded by Happy Mother’s/Father’s Day stuff, but you don’t have a mom or dad deserving of those things and some ingrates still think you’re the reason why you had bad parents…

All won’t be lost, in my case. I’ll just honor my friends who happen to be moms and dads. It’s the best I can do. 

I posted this link last year, but this subReddit (if any of you need support) knows where I’m coming from.