It’s Only Fitting

It’s Inauguration Day here in the States. And I am very glad to see a transition from the vile rat fucks that infested the White House, to actual politicians who care about bettering the country. I never acknowledged Orange Hitler as that “P” word, but I do look forward to hearing the words “President Biden” and “Vice-President Harris” from the media for the next four years. The titles just fit. 

Also…

a haiku for orange hitler

Here, I’ll add mine: 

Lost the election

Racist got impeached twice, now

Lock his fat ass up!

(Note: I usually don’t body shame…unless if it involves someone odious as Chump. Then the gloves are off.)

Oh, and I see you TCM Channel and your slew of “Joe movies” you’ll be airing today. Well played. 

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I’m Rich Biatch!

No, I didn’t win the Powerball or Mega Millions jackpot. But I can now get some tickets for those games (assuming no one hasn’t won yet) after I got this tip from a customer earlier today! 😀

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OK, I’ve made bigger tips than that before, and I’m aware that there are some who made a lot more than that in a second. But unlike them, I’m not treating my employees (in this case, me) like indentured servants and cruelly overworking and underpaying them, so suck on that, soulless corporate billionaires! 

Wooooooot!

Yes, I still say “woot” like it’s the mid-2000s again. And I was about to let Mr. Sandman do his thing so I can dream of Irina but I made the oh-so wise decision to dick around on the internet for “just a few more minutes”. Then I saw this:

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And, of course, the news is also the top Reddit headline at the moment.

Say it with me, everyone: Senate MINORITY Turtle Moscow Mitch. That’s got a ring to it! Also, fuck him for all eternity and I still hope he chokes on a Lego.

Most importantly: THANK YOU, GEORGIA!!! Thank you to all the peach state residents who voted and rallied for restoring democracy! And much thanks and props to Stacey Abrams, the true leader of Georgia!

Feast Your Eyes On My Feast

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Seven-pound turkey breast from Target: $7. Jumbo biscuits-in-a-can from Winco that I’ve had in my fridge for months: $1.39. My electric bill for this month after cooking this: $50-something bucks, I think. A satiated belly after eating all dis: priceless!!

Also, if you guessed the pumpkin pie being the only homemade item in this Tanksgivin’ spread, come on down to get your virtual high-five. After seeing this recipe on it, and being able to snag the very last can of canned pumpkin mush at Target, I chose to save a few bucks and make the pie myself. The crust is the only thing that was store-bought. I think it turned out well!

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Since the Trader Joe’s Cocoa Cream liqueur is coursing through my body as I type (that drink is the tits, by the way), I’ll keep it brief and coherent as possible on my list on things I’m thankful for this year:

–didn’t get Covid (and I hope I didn’t jinx myself with this!)

–all of the essential and healthcare workers who worked their asses off and had to deal with bitch-ass Karens during the pandemic

–was able to get a good-paying temp job when my regular job closed down earlier this year

got my own place again after years of rooming with others!

November 7, 2020

–all those who voted to make November 7th a happy day

–L’Oreal’s HiColor HiLights in Red, for turning me into a redhead

–the living goddesses simply known as Dolly and Kylie!

–my boo Irina Shayk (AFAIK and I don’t feel like fact-checking it right now) is still single!!!

Kylie To The Rescue Again!

sparkly kylie

For those who need to be rescued from more sad news and unnecessary daily updates on useless oxygen thieves (hello Cardi Blah and the Kartrashians), here’s a feast for your eyes and ears courtesy of Kylie the Glittery Shiny Colorful Heavenly Rapturous Disco Glam Goddess!! If your computer or phone shuts down midway from playing the jam below, don’t fret. Modern technology, for all its bells and whistles, is not yet equipped to handle the immense fabulousness that typically radiates from a Kylie video.

Pic and video courtesy of The Guardian