Happy International Women’s Day

I’m late on this, but I’m doing laundry and cleaning right now. Would’ve done all that yesterday, but my work schedule ran me ragged–for the second Sunday in a row, I should add. No more lazy Mondays for me again. Boooo.

Also, for those who like to know more about the history of IWD, check out this informative article on Vox.

Because The Way To My Heart Is Through My Stomach

CHOCOLATES!!

It’s that day of love and buying heart-shaped unnecessary shit for your significant other. For me, it’s just another day of work (my Friday, actually), and after work, I’ll be going on a date with that tasty honey above. (Thank you, Macy’s, for selling that shizz and I’m not surprised it’s sold out now.) So I’m not having sapphic times with my boo on Valentine’s night, but devouring a sampler box of finely-made toffee and caramels while watching the same old episodes of The Office and daydreaming about smashing Jim Halpert (yes, he’s hot to me) is the next best thing! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! 

 

Happy MLK Day

I should have mentioned this last year, but shout-out to my Fourth grade elementary teacher for not only being one of my favorite teachers, but emphasizing MLK Day to us kiddos. She taught us more about MLK than what our history books then told us. Although her having the class recite his “I Have A Dream” speech to our whole school (she broke us up into groups and each group recited a certain part) was kind of nerve-wrecking. I was afraid of messing up my lines.

Anyway, in addition to these things that you can do to celebrate the legacy of Dr. King today, give his “Letter From Birmingham Jail” a read. It means a lot more today. And this tune, that my favorite local jazz station played yesterday while honoring MLK Day, makes for good reading music.

Also, I cannot be the only one bothered by that capital “T” in can’t in the quote pic.

**Update 10:44PM: Yes, I edited out and added some stuff here. I had to.

Freaky New Year!

It’s officially 2021 (aka 2020 part 5), and since it’s also Flashback Friday (which is what I do when I’m not around to post something for Throwback Thursday), here’s SF Giants legend and former crush object of mine Tim Lincecum blowing his champagne load on the cover of Sports Illustrated. (Yes, I had a crush on him, judge away.) Has it been ten years since that cover dropped and I rushed over to my nearest Safeway to buy that issue so I can squeal over those pics of The Freak in the comfort of my home? Lordt I’m an old.

Some things I hope to see this year: getting my Covid vaccines, Covid being reduced to something manageable and not horrifically serious, the SF Giants winning another championship, every single selfish brat who partied maskless and traveled a lot during this pandemic to get pelted by jagged rocks wherever they go (oh, and go broke, too), the New York Post to fold because of this and their other bullshit, the downfall of influencers and Instagram clones (dem thots all look disgustingly alike), the return of real, natural beauty and genuine personalities and riot grrl rock music (I know–random grouping, but they all go together if you look at it), Orange Hitler being dragged out by Secret Service if his hateful, ignant ass still refuses to leave the White House come Biden’s inauguration day, Moscow Mitch to kick the bucket after choking on a Lego, Georgia to go blue once more next Tuesday (please!!), and, of course, my dream career as a novelist to finally take off!!!

Sweeeeeeeets!

While I received some solid gifts this year, let’s be real: the best gifts come from yourself. You know yourself the best, you know? One Xmas gift from me to me this year came in the form of cookies, cookies, and some brownies.

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I usually bake my own cookies and brownies; the prepackaged kinds can be hit or miss with me. But it was hard to turn down a set of gourmet cookies & brownies on sale at Macy’s. Like I was gonna wait for someone to gift this to me. Even the listing says it’s “the perfect gift, especially for yourself.” (They’re kind of right; the real perfect gift for me remains a thousand wishes to all come true. That way I can have 1000 gifts and have things like a billion dollars and endless hump sessions with Adam Driver and Adriana Lima.) I never heard of Salt Of The Earth Bakery before; they’re apparently a gourmet bakery located in Brooklyn, NY. Excuse me for feeling a little fancy for buying gourmet desserts from NYC. 

When I make cookies, they tend to run on the small size. These babies are the size of my palm!   

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This one is The Cookie–a classic chocolate chip sprinkled with some sea salt. Taste is pretty good. I also tried The Wild Oat, since I’ve been craving oatmeal cookies. One thing with oatmeal cookies is that some include chocolate chip in the mix, which is fine but I prefer to have it straight up oatmeal. That one was delish! 

Unlike its cookie sibling, the brownies are regular-sized. 

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I have not made a dent in those ones, but I did sample (and by “sample” I mean devour like a brownie monster) one of The Nutty Ones. When I make my brownies, I prefer some walnuts or pecans in them. Something about a brownie without nuts make them plain. (Yeah, I know–controversial opinion.) I expected The Nutty One to have some nuts in them, but the “nut” part came from some peanut butter mixed in the brownie. Just when I was going to cry “false advertising!” I took a bite of it. They got me with the taste. It was delectable, like what fine champagne streaming down the augmented mounds of an exotic dancer would taste like. 

This set of 20 big-ass cookies and 10 brownies is more than enough to fulfill my cookie and brownie cravings for the next few months. If you’re not near their store in Brooklyn and you’d also like to have a buttload of sweets and earn yourself permanent residency on Diabeetus Island, you can buy the set here or here (though wait till Macy’s has a big sale)! 

Presents And A Day Off From Work

As is tradition every Christmas for me! (Props to those who do have to work on Xmas, though, especially to those with frontline/essential jobs.) More about the presents later, since I’m on the verge of the sleepies. For now, I’ll leave you with one of the very few Xmas-themed songs I actually enjoy. (I’m also a sucker for anything Peanuts-related.) Given that stores start selling their Xmas merchandise in August these days, I feel like I’m posting this song way too damn late. Oh well. Merry Shitscram Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! 

 

Mood Right Now

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My phone broke on me yesterday and I had to make an emergency phone buy, since I need a phone to work. The damage to my “old” phone (it’s only nine months old) is repairable but it will cost me. (It accidentally fell while I was jogging and now the touchscreen doesn’t work. Moral of the story: don’t exercise.) The scramble to fix my phone myself (which didn’t work), getting a new temp phone, and configuring the new phone cost me precious writing/editing time on my day off. 

I also worked today so I was pretty much Santa doing grocery deliveries. Ho Ho Ho. While driving, I passed by a crowd checking out Xmas displays in a neighborhood, and, hoo, the no-mask wearing fools I saw roaming in that crowd. I saw one bungwipe wear his mask like a chinstrap while coughing up his lungs before going into that crowd. Jesus’ tear ducts are officially broken from all the weeping he’s done over some people’s blatant stupidity and selfishness.

Also, a website that used to be a favorite of mine (not Reddit) has lost its snarky touch and keeps giving mentions to bores and no-talent assholes who don’t deserve any more attention. And Aunt Flo’s flight to my airport arrived early. 

Bah Humfuckbug. 

I’m gonna open my presents early and fatten my butt with these to cheer me up. 

Feast Your Eyes On My Feast

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Seven-pound turkey breast from Target: $7. Jumbo biscuits-in-a-can from Winco that I’ve had in my fridge for months: $1.39. My electric bill for this month after cooking this: $50-something bucks, I think. A satiated belly after eating all dis: priceless!!

Also, if you guessed the pumpkin pie being the only homemade item in this Tanksgivin’ spread, come on down to get your virtual high-five. After seeing this recipe on it, and being able to snag the very last can of canned pumpkin mush at Target, I chose to save a few bucks and make the pie myself. The crust is the only thing that was store-bought. I think it turned out well!

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Since the Trader Joe’s Cocoa Cream liqueur is coursing through my body as I type (that drink is the tits, by the way), I’ll keep it brief and coherent as possible on my list on things I’m thankful for this year:

–didn’t get Covid (and I hope I didn’t jinx myself with this!)

–all of the essential and healthcare workers who worked their asses off and had to deal with bitch-ass Karens during the pandemic

–was able to get a good-paying temp job when my regular job closed down earlier this year

got my own place again after years of rooming with others!

November 7, 2020

–all those who voted to make November 7th a happy day

–L’Oreal’s HiColor HiLights in Red, for turning me into a redhead

–the living goddesses simply known as Dolly and Kylie!

–my boo Irina Shayk (AFAIK and I don’t feel like fact-checking it right now) is still single!!!

Also, I Love Turkeys For Their Breasts

What can I say? I’m a breast chick.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I actually have to work today, but I get double pay and it will only be a short shift so it’s not all bad. I also cooked my meals in advance and, if I don’t pass out from noshing on too much turkey and guzzling Trader Joe’s Cocoa Cream after work, I’ll share my spread and the shit I’m thankful for this year with y’all later. Until then, enjoy this Turkey Day clip from of one of my favorite sitcoms evah!