The Unthinkable Has Happened

No, not Christina unfollowing Britney on Instagram. But this shit:

my blue bird acct

Yep, I gone and done it. Yours Truly, who once thought she wouldn’t succumb to the monster blue bird, got herself a Twitter account over the weekend. And tweeted something that no one saw, of course. (And if you really think I’m Bai Ling this whole time, well, yeah I am. After ten beers.) I’ve been using this blog, which was originally supposed to promote my works, as a dumping ground lately for all of my malarkey that I kind of don’t want associated with my author profile. I might as well take it there and stalk follow some of my faves as well. Oh, and Like some interesting shit like this:

Paris remains racist, Trump-supporting trash, but at least she had good taste in music.

Liking and tweeting won’t even be a part-time thing, of course. I’ve gotten busier with my day job as of late, and I still have another book to write. So while updates here and on my blue bird account will be sparse, at least you’ll get to see what I’m liking at the moment. And I make no apologies for what I like!

The Big 5-0

Who cares about Joanne The Transphobe continuing to add shit to her shit-covered reputation, parents making questionable choices by naming their kids after 80s metal bands and dude-bro crap, and Kate Moss once fishing out a diamond necklace out of the stanky abusive misogynistic ass of her former BF when the REAL news is this: since going low-carb seven months ago, I’ve officially lost 50 pounds!!!!!

Have I reached my goal weight? Not just yet, but the goal is near. (And I’m aware of revealing how big I used to be here.) Trying on pants in sizes I thought I’ve never fit my former fat ass in is quite surreal, as well as being reminded of what size I wore last year…and even 10, 20 years ago. Especially 20 years ago, when I was at my biggest. I’m practically in my late 30s and I look and feel miles better than when I graduated high school. Who knew that dumping refined carbs and sugars (and some exercise, of course) would shed all the excess blubber? So suck on that, low-fat diets!

I’m Rich, Biatch!

Yours Relaxed quickly went back to Yours Busy for another work week, and it must have paid off because a guest of mine from today tipped me a cool hundred dollahs!

I forgot to take a pic of the C-note but trust me when I say I gasped and giggled like a giddy schoolgirl (and likely disturbed the other spa workers in the rooms next to me) when I saw it. I was more relieved that I got to deposit it to my bank safely without anyone mugging my newly-rich ass. Time to blow it all on a Costco membership renewal and all the Kirkland rotisserie chickens I want! 

And it’s still Hump Day where I’m at for another three minutes, so the tag counts! 

 

Three Good Things (Surprisingly)

In spite of this country showing me that I now have less rights than a Glock, a few actual good things happened recently. Because as much as life drives me to be one, I can’t be a bitter bitch the whole time. And we all gotta do this once in a while.

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I attended a local pro-choice march last Friday. And it was within walking distance, so no driving! The pessimist in me is wondering how many more of these I’ll be marching in before the cuntservatives in the Supreme Court will get their heads out of their asses stuck in the 19th century and recognize that women’s reproductive rights are constitutional. But it was pretty encouraging to see that this march, which was organized same-day, had a very good turnout, with a diverse bunch of both women and men, olds and youths present. And not a single forced birther punkass fucked with us, thank goodness.

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I made low-carb cinnamon rolls! After being tempted from a bakery show special on PBS that featured (among other tasty carb-y pastries) gooey cinnamon rolls, I chose to make them. It’s my first time using Carbquik flour, and while the texture of it looked kind of biscuit-y as opposed to doughy like a regular roll, oooh the taste. Recipe is here, but, according to the comments, nutrition facts are kind of all over the place (except for its net carbs).

And speaking of low-carb, I hit a milestone in my quest to have the body of a 90s swimsuit model (yeah right): yours truly has lost 40 pounds since going low-carb! I’m almost half the size I was when I started this, and while my wallet’s not thrilled with buying new clothes to fit my new frame, the shopping slut in me has never been more delighted. And thank goodies for thrift stores so I don’t have to spend too much. Take that, Standard ‘Murican Diet! 

That Senior Feeling

One thing that tells me I’m a total old without saying so:

That and the way “Mackenzie” gets spelled these days.

I’ve been seeing versions of “Senior 2022” on cars and elsewhere since late last year, which, compared to right now, was a slightly more idyllic time, which goes to show you how totally shitty times are these days. Why does that message make me feel like a fossil? I graduated high school 20 years ago this month! Class of 2002, baby! The year that also saw Bennifer 1.0, Xtina getting dirrty in assless chaps, and, most importantly, me turning 18. And if there’s one thing that will cause a gray hair to sprout from my crotch, it’s knowing that this year’s high school seniors weren’t even twinkles in their dad’s eyes when I tossed my cap into the air. Sheeit, some of their parents were probably in my graduating class!

One thing I remembered from my graduating class was seeing the small group of students that didn’t sit with the rest of us because they weren’t eligible to graduate. They still were required to wear the cap and gown, but I can’t imagine how godawful they felt watching everyone else walk up to the podium to get their degree. I did take some joy finding out a few kids I hated were part of that held back group. Make fun of me for being a loner nerd, huh? Enjoy 12th grade all over again, F-grade bitches!

I did have a message to give to the graduating class of this year, but telling them to not get addicted to their phones and social media and focus on instead achieving their dreams is almost pointless. Some of them want to be social media “celebs” (WHY?!) and they’ll need those soul-suckers to achieve that, um, dream. But who am I to talk? I’m not addicted to my phone and I have no social media and I still have yet to achieve some of my dreams! Sigh.

One Sign, One Song

This weekend I rallied for women’s abortion rights, didn’t get much sleep, worked a long day at the spa again, and did my laundry and cleaned my floors after working said long day at the spa so I can have another lazy Monday. But all I want to do is share the following two things:

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This superb sign from the Oakland Bans Off Our Bodies rally. I also got to see the mayor of Oakland speak, some women dressed as handmaidens from The Handmaid’s Tale (it’s not a pro-choice rally without it these days), some cute dogs, and a homeless but harmless drunk sitting with the crowd talking to himself while speakers shared their abortion stories.

My song of the week:

Why this jam? Yours Busy-as-hell will get to be lazy as hell till next Tuesday, for I’ll be taking a break from work starting today. I’m on Spring Break, bitches!

Today

I didn’t bother driving, did yoga this morning, took a nice walk around the neighborhood in the afternoon, then sat on my ass for hours writing writing writing (and editing and finally finishing up the unfinished entries here), ate low-carb fatty ice cream while watching the Penguins win, and enjoyed my packages from Target and Mercari that arrived today. (Although that Mercari seller should know better than to package glass-bottled perfume in a basic envelope without any cushioning/protection; good thing it arrived intact). I didn’t have to clean anything and, more importantly, I didn’t encounter any idiots.

Envy Me, Honey

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Say hello to THE perfume that defined my wild child days during the mid to late 2000s: Gucci’s Envy Me! I’m not sure how, where, or when we were introduced, but I know its floral-fruity notes had me hooked. This smell, which I still have as you can see (albeit down to a couple tablespoons left), takes me back to some fun-ass nights. Raving and humping sweaty, semi-drunk hotties on the dance floor at Ruby Skye in SF till 6AM. Getting lap dances from Love Spell-scented strippers at Crazy Horse (I swear, Love Spell was THE choice smell of strippers back then). Cruising down Sunset Blvd and partying at Avalon Hollywood during my summer trips to LA. Ah, to be in your 20s during a time before soul-sucking shit like cell phones, social media, and Covid came into existence. About the only thing I didn’t do then was go sans panties a la Britney and Lindsay, so I guess I wasn’t that much of a wild child. But, yes, just a whiff of Gucci’s Envy Me brings all that back. That it was discontinued some time ago is criminal (as is its expensive AF resell price these days), but it could’ve been worse: it could have been reformulated. *side-eyes J’Adore perfume*

Work Hard, Spend Hard

Downside to today: having to go to work on a day I wasn’t supposed to work. I had to cover a shift for a co-worker who called in sick last minute.

Upside to today: my boss offering me double pay for my troubles. And that client who tipped me $50 for only 50 minutes of work. And seeing Sephora’s Spring Sale starting a little early online for us Rouge members (don’t be surprised I’m one)…

Time to bring out the tried and true!

Cooking With Some Chick

Since going low-carb in my eats, I had to say goodbye to some of my faves that I can no longer eat because too many effing carbs. No more oatmeal, no more lasagna or pasta, not even (and this one hurts) Costco chicken bakes, honey. It’s a good thing I like to cook and bake because otherwise my meals would be nothing but fatty meats and dairy and the few pieces of cruciferous vegetable doused in olive oil. And that may sound exciting for some people doing low-carb, but my ass (which, I should mention, has lost over 10 pounds since doing this shit almost a month ago) needs variety!

So I made the following (not all of this in one day, now)…

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Keto Oatmeal! Or should it be “noatmeal”? There are plenty of low-carb/keto oatmeal recipes out there, but I’ve turned to this recipe the most because of how flavorful and filling it is. It truly is filling at 27 grams of fatty-fat-fat-fat in just half a cup, which alone gets the Quaker Oats dude shaking in his boots.

I had this yesterday morning, along with a cuppa of homemade Bulletproof coffee. Shout out to Macy’s for the milk frother they sold for $6. I get frothy coffee at home now!

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Keto Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole! I should note that I’m not doing Keto; it just so happens that many of the low-carb recipes I’ve been following are from Keto foodie sites. The result looks a lot more cheesy in person, and it should: the recipe calls for a whole box of cream cheese. And the crushed pork rinds is not an optional thing; it HAS to be done! Like with mac & cheese (which I need to find a low-carb version of soon), the crunchy top takes the dish to the next level.

And, finally, one of my proudest culinary achievements:

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Low-Carb Costco Chicken Bake! It may not look like it because it came out shorter than it should have and a little too crispy. But that I was able to make one (actually, the recipe gave me three of them) is enough to warrant a happy dance. One thing I didn’t realize was that the dough recipe is very similar to that of Fathead Dough, which is a staple of plenty of “bread-y” low-carb/keto dishes. So I made two firsts in one recipe: Fathead Dough and the chicken bake. I is proud. Not so much the fat-fearing nutritionists out there, but oh well.