This is the only news you need to know today, as it involves me: I got a week off from work. It’s actually nine days I have off, since I start my work week on Thursdays. But this break is looooooong overdue! How? I haven’t taken a decent break off from work since I started the temp job a year ago. I may have taken a day or two off from it, but nothing like this break that starts today. Just a year ago, I was working long hours for 4-5 days a week. Now, yours slutty gets a spring break!
Well, without the big party crowds and tit-flashing to strangers. And what’s the first thing I’ll be doing on my spring break? Going to the dentist. For reals–I got an appointment in less than 12 hours.
Also, since I’m fully vaccinated and I got some extra change in my pocket (thank you, stimulus check), I get to be a travel slut in real time again! I’m not going far–just a little drive down to Santa Cruz in a couple of days. Don’t worry, I got my mask, I’ll be keeping my distance from others, and I’ll only be ordering food to-go. (As long as bitch-ass Covid and bitch-ass Covid-deniers still exist, I’ll still be leery over eating indoors.) I welcome back the grind of packing for a trip!
I realized that I haven’t done a “Listening To…” post in a while. (Over three effin’ months!) How ’bout some classic 90s freestyle dance tunes for your weekend? Those who remember jamming to those old Wild 107.7 mixes from the mid/late 90s would know these tracks!
I always enjoy a good “I don’t need that man anymore” jam.
There are other versions of this song, but it’s this version that pops up the most in those Wild 107.7 mixes, and it’s also my favorite mix.
You many not know who Rhythmcentric is, and that’s OK because I also don’t really know them aside from this still-fresh track of theirs. It’s also a jam that has other mixes, but this version is the best of them all.
OK, so I’ve listened to this song for many, many years, but never saw its video until now. So much 90s elegance in one video! I’d put “shiny jacket and pants” on my shopping list, but designers don’t make fun clothes like that anymore!
Hell has a welcoming song and it’s that blasted 1-877-Kars-4-Kids “jingle”. Those who listen to KNBR 680AM and immediately switch to another station, mute the volume, or yells “shut the fuck up!” to someone who’s about to sing it whenever the commercial plays feel my pain. And if you have never heard of the commercial before, don’t ever. (Also, read this before you even think about donating your car to them.) I feel like every time that ad airs, a cat dies. If there’s one good thing about that aural abomination, it could be used for an interrogation. Put that thing on repeat and I bet it will make a bitch-ass criminal confess EVERYTHING!
Leave it to Wet-N-Wild Beauty (makers of my favorite contour palette) to take me away from the dreary news of today and deliver a palette cleanser of a collab that sings to the Bikini Bottom resident in me: Spongebob Squarepants-themed makeup! Yes, something like this has been done before, but maybe it’s fitting that a brand called “Wet-N-Wild” nail the collab. ‘Cause, you know, “wet” being the environment Spongebob lives in, and “wild” being Spongebob and his boating skills. (I know–I’m putting too much into this.) Finally, those Spongebob-themed Makeup Erasers have met their match! And I never knew I wanted a Spongebob glow-up and Squidward’s resting bitch face blending my makeup until now.
But wait! Where is the Coral Blue #2 semi gloss lipstick?! (Why are there no lippies here, by the way?) And a blush called Sandy Cheeks? Missed opportunities there, Wet-N-Wild.
Happy 20th anniversary to this fantabulous masterpiece that was released in the spring of 2001. Sheeit, I remember the uproar from some of the pearl-clutchers back then who thought the video was too raunchy. Oh, if those prudes saw the gimcrackery you see and hear from, um, music these days. Meanwhile, teen me spent many afternoons on her own trying to nail down Xtina’s part, but all I did was startle my cat (RIP Snowball) and attack nearby eardrums when I attempted to do so. I was better off doing Missy’s part instead–all three seconds of it.
Also, look–no mumbling, no twerking, no mopey faces or overinflated asses! Just a fun and well-crafted pop song (yes, I’m aware it’s a remake) with confident women hitting all the right notes, and a memorable video to go with it. Now that’s how pop music should be done.
That panty creamer above is NHL hockey superstar Sidney Crosby, whose hotness alone has caused my basement to be flooded many times since I first knew of him 12 years ago. Yeah, he’s also good at the stick-and-puck thing, but I never knew he could be a little shady. Some lesser in the hockey world had the nerve to drag him recently, and a reporter for the Penguins (Sid’s team) picked up this quote from Sid himself who addressed the beef:
Sid had the opportunity to go full-on Mariah or the Patrick Roy way on that guy, but he’s not really known for being a shady ho. A scoring ho, yes. Nonetheless, it gets a solid 4 out of 5 on the Shade Scale. Tell it, Sidney! *snaps fingers*
I’m fully aware of Hollywood’s twisted fetish for ruining our childhood memories by remaking old movies and TV shows we adored in our youth. They did that with that live-action abomination known as Jem and the Holograms a couple years ago, but I never watched that cartoon as a kid (yes, I hear your shocked gasps), so it didn’t affect me. So when I saw this trending on Twitter…
They came for my Powerpuff Girls? And made it live-action?! And Gen Z’d it?!?! Excuse me while I find a lighter so I can ignite my pubes. Also, I am so that pink-haired chick in background staring down this mess-in-the-making. The CW, which is the same network that had the nerve to reboot Dynasty so they’re no stranger to fuckery, could’ve gone with these guys at some costume shindig, called it the reboot, and I would’ve been interested!
In honor of my stimulus dollahs finally arriving today…
Yes, I do have to use some of it to pay my tax preparers, but then I get a second stimulus from the state after I file my taxes, which more than makes up for what I’m paying. And, yeah, I’m showing my annual income here, but I no care. Squeeeeeeeee
Yours trampy had an eventful Saturday. I had my second bout of vehicle fuckery in a month. This time, it involved my car battery. Yes, it had to go out while I was working; luckily, I finished up one batch of my deliveries before my car decided to add more crap to my continuously-growing pile of personal misery. After a jumpstart from the tow person and driving 30 minutes with the resurrected battery, I took it to my car-fixing friend. He suggested that I get a new battery, and that he would also install it. I was given some time off from work to fix the car, with the option of calling out the whole day in case my car became inoperable. In one hour, I drove from friend’s house to Costco to buy that car battery, drive back to friend’s house for installation (which took just 30 minutes), get disgusted upon finding that a now-dead rat crawled into the battery space and left rat shit in there (no wonder my battery was performing like shit), then returned to Costco to dispose of the old, rat shit-stained battery and get $15 from recycling it (oh, those workers don’t know what that old battery has seen), and *catches breath* made a quick run to the food court to get me a chicken bake before returning to work.
I work this Easter. I get double pay today and my work day will be short, but I hope it’s back to boring times with the car. No mo’ drama with my chariot, man.
One of my treats for today (that I was able to nab when I saw them) will be Easter-themed mini donuts from Krispy Kreme. One of the donuts I got is this:
I’m gonna scarf down rabbit ass today! Then, after pissing off the waistband of my jeans again from a baked ham and cheesy potato casserole Easter dinner, I’ll cuddle up to my “Bunny” Snoopy plushie…
I know what you’re thinking. It’s how genius I am to pay just a dollar for a bunny ears headband I got at Dollar Tree and putting it on my winter-themed Snoopy, which is better than me spending $18 for a Easter-themed Snoopy at TJ Maxx that I’ll only bring out once a year. At least keeping winter Snoopy for a little longer gives it more than one purpose!
Happy Easter and Happy “Friday” to me!
With the start of the new baseball season comes THE moment we–or at least me, have all been waiting for!!
Like the happy purr of a kitten or the loud thud when Justin Bieber eats floor, the sounds of boos and trash-can banging raining down on a squad of cheaters (who, by the way, still have never been suspended a single game for cheating) is so aurally pleasing.
That final score from that game, tho. (Although I shouldn’t throw stones, given what my team did last night. Ick.)