HOW DARE I miss the should-be-an international holiday that is Dame Joan Collins‘ birthday yesterday! Yes I deserve a bitch slap (from Joan only, though–the rest of yous can only dream), but maybe if I had, oh, a few hundred million dollars, I wouldn’t have to work on Sunday or any day and I would’ve had time to celebrate my goddess’ birthday! How? I’d watch all seasons of Dynasty (for the 5384th time) while enjoying only the finest champagne, caviar, and Snickers in my best campy attire. But it’s never too late to celebrate, and Mondays can always use a heaping serving of 80s power bitch glamour courtesy of the one true Alexis Carrington (sorry Nicolette Sheridan).