It’s Only Fitting

It’s Inauguration Day here in the States. And I am very glad to see a transition from the vile rat fucks that infested the White House, to actual politicians who care about bettering the country. I never acknowledged Orange Hitler as that “P” word, but I do look forward to hearing the words “President Biden” and “Vice-President Harris” from the media for the next four years. The titles just fit. 

Also…

a haiku for orange hitler

Here, I’ll add mine: 

Lost the election

Racist got impeached twice, now

Lock his fat ass up!

(Note: I usually don’t body shame…unless if it involves someone odious as Chump. Then the gloves are off.)

Oh, and I see you TCM Channel and your slew of “Joe movies” you’ll be airing today. Well played. 

Screenshot_20210120-001617

 

 

Happy MLK Day

I should have mentioned this last year, but shout-out to my Fourth grade elementary teacher for not only being one of my favorite teachers, but emphasizing MLK Day to us kiddos. She taught us more about MLK than what our history books then told us. Although her having the class recite his “I Have A Dream” speech to our whole school (she broke us up into groups and each group recited a certain part) was kind of nerve-wrecking. I was afraid of messing up my lines.

Anyway, in addition to these things that you can do to celebrate the legacy of Dr. King today, give his “Letter From Birmingham Jail” a read. It means a lot more today. And this tune, that my favorite local jazz station played yesterday while honoring MLK Day, makes for good reading music.

Also, I cannot be the only one bothered by that capital “T” in can’t in the quote pic.

**Update 10:44PM: Yes, I edited out and added some stuff here. I had to.

I’m Rich Biatch!

No, I didn’t win the Powerball or Mega Millions jackpot. But I can now get some tickets for those games (assuming no one hasn’t won yet) after I got this tip from a customer earlier today! 😀

IMG_20210116_150055402_HDR

OK, I’ve made bigger tips than that before, and I’m aware that there are some who made a lot more than that in a second. But unlike them, I’m not treating my employees (in this case, me) like indentured servants and cruelly overworking and underpaying them, so suck on that, soulless corporate billionaires! 

Comfort In Chichis

I couldn’t find a fun thing to post here (that also didn’t have to do with the terrorist bungwipes getting shamed and arrested for participating in last week’s Fascistpalooza, as I want to avoid that topic for a minute) for the past few days. Just when I was going to file a theft report on Steve Harvey’s daughter for stealing Michael B Jordan away from me (booooo), another favorite subReddit of mine came through with a perky post on what may very well be the breast pillow ever!

And the company who makes these “most realistic boob” pillows with “100% mammary foam” (ahahahaha) must be after my heart and wallet. They look realistic–at least if you look at them like they’re fake titties. The pillow above seems to have one titty slightly bigger than the other and the “wide canyon” in the between, just like a classic stripper’s rack, so the company got the realistic part right. My all-natural swing-low sweet chariots can’t compare, but they do look like that after you’ve had seven beers.

Also, I cannot be the only one who reads the descriptions and think all of it was originally written in a foreign language and went through BabelFish for translation:

you feel very interesting, with curves contoured like those of a woman, creative breast boob pillow for comfort, it will be your best friend who brightens your mood…”

I dunno, if I were to nestle my head in the chichis of my bestie every time I need to brighten my mood (and that’s like almost every other day hour), she’d be questioning the hell out of our friendship.

The more I look at it (and I need to stop looking at it), the more I see its versatility. Think about it: you can use it to actually relax your neck or low back, do slut stuff with it if that’s your game, use it as a breastplate to scare or humor others, pillow fight with it, or display it in your home on the shelf as a work of art. Basic ergonomic neck/low back pillows be damned, for the MyTittyPillow has arrived to suit your many comforting needs!

Pic courtesy of the The Top Store

Haha On Yous

I’ve found a new subReddit to take delight in!

Screen Shot 2021-01-08 at 7.19.28 PM

The vile, oxygen thieving terrorists ruined what should’ve been a sweet Hump Day this week by staging Fascistpalooza (that’s what I’m calling it) at the Capitol. But it seems like some wrongs are being righted as we speak thanks to Bye Bye Job! The Uplifting News and Made Me Smile subReddits need to drop their names and come up with new titles, because all the headlines at BBJ actually uplift me and make me smile! On the flip side, now I really gotta watch my ass on this blog. If there’s ever a tool that can detect the real identity behind a blogger name and if posting endless pics of Irina Shayk becomes a crime in the near future, I’m screwed!

Oh, and there’s also Orange Hitler getting permabanned on Blue Bird. While it’s, oh, four years too late and it had to take an attempted coup for them to finally ban his ass, there’s always imagining how pissed off Tiny Hands is right now. I think there’s an artist’s rendition of it somewhere…

(I know there’s one with Chump’s head photoshopped in the GIF, but I’d rather not post his unfortunate mug around here. Name-dropping him is enough for me.)

**UPDATE: 1/13/20: aaaaand I got another subReddit (that particularly focuses on the Fascistpalooza dipshits) to take joy in! Squeeeee!!

Wooooooot!

Yes, I still say “woot” like it’s the mid-2000s again. And I was about to let Mr. Sandman do his thing so I can dream of Irina but I made the oh-so wise decision to dick around on the internet for “just a few more minutes”. Then I saw this:

Screen Shot 2021-01-06 at 2.09.56 AM

And, of course, the news is also the top Reddit headline at the moment.

Say it with me, everyone: Senate MINORITY Turtle Moscow Mitch. That’s got a ring to it! Also, fuck him for all eternity and I still hope he chokes on a Lego.

Most importantly: THANK YOU, GEORGIA!!! Thank you to all the peach state residents who voted and rallied for restoring democracy! And much thanks and props to Stacey Abrams, the true leader of Georgia!